Saturday, December 17, 2016

This is Crystal.  The ungrateful people out there!
They tell you one thing and then forget what they said!
I am going to protect Kalisa from them from now on!
I will never let anyone get close to her again!
And the Christmas presents that we got them this year! Well I guess we will keep them.
She forgets that K is only 4 yrs old!
And not telling us what was going on... we cant read minds!

Tuesday, July 19, 2016

Boy!  The things that trigger you and you don't realize it till after it happens!!!
This is Crystal
I was watching a tv program was the one about true stories told by the coroner...
it is the coroner from Dauphon County, Pa.....Harrisburg, Pa.

The coroner who was the coroner for Tedi!  The program gave me the creeps...something that normally wouldn't have.  I had to force myself to watch it.....made myself watch it even though it had nothing to do with Tedi except that the guy was the same coroner who was called on her suicide.
It did some kind of a trigger... there are now a set of 10 yr old twins that emerged...long blond hair, girls...Kristina and Kristi-Ann.
That's all I know about them for now.

Sunday, June 12, 2016

Boy! It has been almost a whole year since I put anything on here!
Glad this isn't school work!  I would have gotten an "F"!
"We"  have been sick a lot this past year.  Kalisa  always goes "in" when we get sick.

Well.. first our wrist which we broke in 3 places is still trying to heal... that was March of 2015  we broke it.  Naturally it was the right wrist... we are right handed!
Fun trying to wipe your butt with the left hand!  Still cant use the right hand for that...the wrist still doesn't bend the way it needs to to do that!  (haha)
That was the biggy.

We are still having trouble with our insulin.  Cant get the right dose.... it just changes too often.
And then we get sick and it messes it up again!
And that cyst in our face is acting up really bad...the face seems to stay swollen.
We complained about the polyp on our left vocal and meds are "sticking" in that area.
So that was a bunch of special tests.
Found out that from my shoulders to below my mid chest that our esophagus is not working right...
the dr said it is like an accordion in there instead of being straight.  Nothing they can do for it.
An other  "we will have to watch it".
With all these "we will have to watch its"  they might as well hook up an internal and external camera  and we just send them a video!

Kalisa has been really depressed lately.
Her "foster mommy"  has slacked off a lot in "writing" her on polyvore.
She misses that..she checks every day to see if she has a "little letter" from her.
People on here forget that she is only 4 yrs old and she doesn't get the time concept.
Her feelings get hurt easily. And then she goes into that stage where she reverts back to the poly pics of the horrible stuff.

Up right now because of the pain and not feeling well on top of the pain.
But I guess that is what "our" life is going to be like for now onw...
Oh well... such is life!

Wednesday, August 20, 2014

This is Crystal.. I am the 16 yr old part of all these many lovely different parts. And right now I am so privileged to have the job of looking after Kalesa the 4 yr old part who has control over this body.
And sometimes it can be very depressing.
Kalesa is so misunderstood in the things that she says or asks.
People forget that she is only 4 yrs old.. a bit more mature then other 4 yr olds... but she is just 4 and greatly misunderstood in what she says.
Four yr olds tend to just blurt things out and they don't really think some times before they say things.
Things aren't meant to hurt others.
She is hurt easily by words....her "job" as a part was to please the bad that is what she knows.... please others.....that is good...but if you do wrong your are punished.....
it is hard some times explaining  what is said by other people......I get a headache sometimes trying to do this.
Sometimes it is just easier to omit somethings said  and then I dont have to explain and explain and explain  over and over and over!
All she wants is approval and to know that some one is there for her.
I never knew that life could be so tough for a 4 yr old!
My head hurts bad!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thursday, August 14, 2014

Eyes  gennas  makeds  a  new  notes  heres.

Everys  bodys  bees  toos  busys  fors  mees.  Dats  whats  happeneds  wiffs  my  new  mommys.  She  getteds  tireds  ofs  mees  ands  nows  she  nots  talkeds  toos  mees  or  gibes  mees  wittles  wetters.
Dens  eyes  makeds  friends  ands  she  twelleds  dems  dats  eyes  takeds  ups  deres  times-es  and  nots  toos  talkeds  toos  mees  no  mores.
Sews  dens  eyes  nots  habes  friends  heres  no  mores.
Ands  dens  deres  bees  utters  peoples  dats  twelleds  mees  deys  bees  my  friends-es and now  deys nots  talkeds  toos  mees  no  mores  or  gibes  mees  wittles  wetters  ebers.
No  bodys  habes  times-es  fors  toos  bees  my  friends  no  mores.
Sews  nows  eyes  bees  alls  bys  my selbes  wiffs  no  bodys  toos  talkeds  toos  or nuff-ings.
Eyes  nots  bees  port-tins  nuffs  fors  no  bodys.
Dats  bees  ways  eyes  bees  d-presseds  and  stuffs.
Whens  no  bodys  wants  yous...............

Saturday, August 2, 2014

Boy! Almost a year ago! And what you have to do to get back on the page!!!!
Might as well be the government!
This is Crystal...
Lets see a catch up I guess is in order.
Well since last October... left foot still needs operation on.. havent been able to wear a shoe in almost THREE  yrs!  Va docs dont give a damn!
Diabetes.. well still out of control;  since the visiting nurse fried my pancreas with my solumedroil(sp)
IV med for my MS.  Doc said that my pancreas basically doesnt work at all any more. So that means 3-5 shots of insulin a day.
K really likes that!
Cyst in left side of face..still there and still infected...that doc doesnt like me and I dont like him!! He is a real ass hole!!!!!!!!!  FINALLY   going to get a second opinion but I have to drive 3 1/2 hrs to get it!!!!!!!
Had a MRI of head-yearly thing done because of MS.
Showed NO NEW  lesions in brain but new lesions down neck.. Never had them there before .. can be why we are falling more. Cant ride a bike at all any more.  No sense of balance.
No brain tumors showing.
Liver enlarged.. could be NASH..(non-alcoholic syndrome of the liver)  Need a new liver but have too many things  wrong for a new one.  Host's son has it-he is on the list for a new liver.
Head hurts alot-they still dont know why...
We had 3 new family members..rescued a blue-mitted ragdoll cat that was a breeder... had her for about 3 months now-finally will let you pet her. And 2 5 wk old kittens.  One torti and a gray striped tabby..names of all, Babbette ..the ragdoll, torti is Callie and tabby is Willow.  K just loves all her "an-mules".
Oh and there are some new "humans" to the family.
A real strange story.. host's  son  married the lady across the street.. has 2 kids a girl 13 and boy 12.
She lives across the street and he lives here.  He did it so she would quit beating the girl.
She still beats her but not as much.  The "marriage" took place in April of this year.  Really weird.
She weights about 300 lbs.. Frank is about 150 lbs. She has no teeth and is not a clean person. Right now she has ring worm all over herself!  We, me and K .. we dont go over there!  Too many bugs  crawling all over the place and her one puppy died!!!  From dehydration, starvation and worms!
Really nasty over there!
It is starting to get cool here at night..I guess being on top of the mountain summers are short.
It is really weird outside tonight... really quiet... no noise...weird.
School starts in one week.  So that means no kids around during the day.  Brandon is still home schooling.
He is in 8th grade this year.
He wants to go back to public school in 9th grade.  I dont think he can with his autism.  He cant take notes.
Thats about all the up dates.
Oh I think there is another "part" trying to make themselves known.. dont know much yet  but there is "another" person there.
K has been depressed lately..hardly anyone is talking to her on poly..she hardly is even making pics on there.  Just plays her games on the computer.
Sometimes her depression can be felt by myself.
Well that is about enough for now.. so everyone who follows this didnt think we died or something!

Friday, October 18, 2013

Long Time

This is Crystal
I am horrible at keeping this up.
Well back in May we almost died.
The Home Health Nurse over dosed me on my IV medicine for my MS. There are 18 days that are not there in my life.
Was taken to the local hospital ER and transferred to a Hospital in Tennessee - put on a ventilator.
There was no need for that because it was a combination of all the IV Ativan and Sleep apnea that caused the "no breathing" problem.
After they figured that out - but first because of someone not using sterile techniques- I ended up with Staph in my lungs they took me off the vent and transferred me to a regular room instead of ICU.
So that was 10 days of antibiotics. because of THEIR lousy staff people.

And then they kept me tied down and said I was combative when all it was is - I cant lay on my back because I am still recovering from my last fall which resulted in a broken lower back! SO they were trying to keep me on my back and I was in pain but too out of it from the Ativan and they wouldn't listen to me. So therefore they tied me down and threated to put me in the psych ward if I didn't listen to them.
THEN  the CNA was too damn lazy to comb out my long hair (it was almost waist length) and she cut it to the shoulders and UNEVEN!  With it that long there should have been no reason for it to be uneven! I am still pissed about that! The cutting of the hair.
The last 3 days in the hospital I kept asking to see the doctor and he never showed up in my room for those 3 days.  Not even at night!
I know because by then all the Ativan had worn off and I have a very bad cause of insomnia!  I didn't sleep for those last 3 days in there.  So I know a doctor didn't show up - even though the bill says 2 doctors were in there to see me.
I fell and broke my foot- that is what started all this. I didn't know what I was doing because the overdose put my blood sugar over 700.  Also separated my left shoulder which no one caught until last week when an x-ray was taken because of someone backing into my car (in the hospital parking lot!).
So all I know is what Terry's son told us.  Kalisa doesn't even remember.
Well- any how - the foot STILL is broken- it wont heal, the overdose fried the pancreas and now we have to take insulin.  Oh - which I forgot to take yesterday- I better go take it now- time
out! OK  blood sugar next~~~~Oh well that up but that was after a drink of lemonade.
We have kidney stones.  Don't know what the doc is going to do for them.  Needs to do something- makes my back hurt more.
So any how- that was the hospital incident...

Next the Sexual trauma shrink wont allow us in her group - she said we qualify to be there but might be too disruptive because of the DID.. so there for NO therapy once again.  That is prejudice!
But then I found out that there is a lot of prejudice against women there at the Veteran's hospital.  That is where we go - we are a Vietnam Vet.  Some of the men - doctors included treat you like shit!
And complaining doesn't do you any good because the person you file a complaint with is also in that "We hate women" group!

Our blood pressure is always up when we go there because we know that we are going to get grief!
Even the cop who took the report on the accident- he said he was going to arrest me if I didn't stop crying so he could understand what I was saying! Can you believe that! And he had an attitude problem!  He really had an "I hate mother" complex!

But ~~ now for the home front... K has changed the doll houses around again.  She has 5 (3 rather large) 2 smaller houses, a cottage, beach house and stables.  Only the first 5 are out and right now she only has the 2 smaller ones set up.  That is because she sets them up according to what is going on with her "real" foster family.  Right now there is a family feud- I guess that is what you would call it- so the other houses are put up.  Each family member has a house, all their children and pets, etc go with each house.  So the 3 that are the "bad" ones right now as she calls them- are put up- I guess in a time out till they straighten up!  It still makes for a cramped bed room!
But she has fun with them and it keeps her occupied.

There is another "part" that showed itself for a couple of days about a month ago- no name is known.
Only that is may be a disruptive part.  Glad "it" didn't stick around!

Terry was out briefly.  Last night.  But I don't remember why she came out.  I only was able to "feel" her presence. She doesn't come around much.  Maybe once or twice a year.  And she is the "host" for those who are reading this for the first time.  She opted out around ..oh..around 10 years ago.  And Elizabeth who was the "big" who took over when Terry left - opted out after we didn't go to therapy any more - oh... that is about  7 yrs ago.
So that leaves me-Crystal (16 yrs old) and Kalisa (4 years old).  I do the grown up stuff- K is out most of the time.

She has her "babys" dolls that look real - and she treats them as though they are real,  her doll houses and the computer.
She loves getting "wittle wetters"  (little letters) from people.  She is thrilled  even if it is just a "Hi how are you".  She really would wish if her "mommy" would email her. There really isn't any reason why she cant just say hi to her.

And I, me, Crystal, wishes that Tedi would let us in the group again. I, me, Crystal had some friends that gave me support that I need and know that I could get more support from that group- but she blocked us. And her reason is a personal one.  Unfair.  Even people from the group think it is unfair.
I wish I had the support again.  It helped me.
Ok enough of that.

Other then the traumatic hospital experience in May and the car thingy 2 weeks ago-I guess for not having therapy is going OK.  But it sure would be nice to have someone to talk to.  Someone who understand what is like to be DID and have gone or is going through some of the same stuff.

Well K wants to "do some-fings ons de wittles  tbs fings".
So not really much of a catch up  but this will have to do.
Tedi-please unblock me - I need the support....