FREEDOM 5.19.11

This is Crystal
This not only is about freedom from the life we have know these past 57 years... yes it has been 57 years.
Only this past year Kalisa has been "safe" from the horrors of the perps that have abused her all those years.
She still fears the rain-they usually came for her during a rain storm and took her where ever and abused her..but this is not only about that kind of freedom.

This is also about freedom of speech and freedom from fear..........freedom of speech starts now for "us".
We- really Elizabeth- a grow up part - had asked someone to tell our story.  But that someone got angry with us and we just recently found out that "our" story has disappeared, reappeared and disappeared again.
So we had to check this out - but what is so upsetting is the truth for the "disappearing" part was not told.

"We" are the Katie (Kalisa) and Christina (Terry)  from the blog site Believe the Children.  Elizabeth gave permission to tell our story.  Oh there are still parts in there- such as being afraid of police, firemen and ambulance & train noises - and the ER and the way we were treated.  And there are bits and pieces in there that refer to things that happened to us - but the real reason the story was removed was because someone thought a pic on ployvore was about them - but it wasnt - it had to do with a man on the phone that day that called me every name in the book!  So I did a pic about how I felt.

The results were - Kalisa had a fluff friend she petted every day blocked so she is no longer able to pet this little fluff friend. And we are blocked from other sites also.
This may all sound trivial but to Kalisa it isnt.  This is her life - her "babies" (dolls) her "poly-bore"  and her fluff friends.  She doesnt have any "freedom".   She has not learned how to "trust" bigs and with no one to help us learn - we are like the middle pic- our hands are tied - where/when is the freedom?

We have been silent about this out of fear- yes fear..... to speak about this when it has been bothering us... but then we remembered something- "no one can make you feel guilty unless you let them".
Well doesnt that go for the same thing when it comes to fear?   So if we state how we feel about it-like they say write it down - well that is what we are doing......a little bit of therapy here!
And the same goes for the sayings by the girl jumping from the bird cage!

And as far as time-well maybe the heart will give out before "we" ever know what real freedom is from the perps and fear from others - but this is one thing that we are no longer going to fear-this is all part of "our" story and we have every much right to tell it like it is. And we did not choose to make it part of our story-it was made for us but we are telling it.

The heart has stabilized - for now-  but the last surgery did not go well with the injury to the face and there was suppose to be a repeat -yesterday- but due to the blood- we take blood thinners for the heart- it could not be done.  Not until the clotting factor is higher-doc said he didnt want us bleeding all over the place on him.!  So that is postponed for another month!  We are not happy with the time frame on that!  I think he is waiting too long!

As far as the brain surgery-the leak has stopped-that was scary! And made your head hurt alot!
And I dont know how much of "our" story was on there about K's other fears - but some of it can be found here. WARNING ****  there are some pics and somethings that may be triggers**** So please be careful and be safe.

Kalisa is still her sweet 4 yr old self-no matter what people do to her.  She is so use to abuse that even now no matter what kind of abuse it may be... well she kinda just goes with the flow.   But she shouldnt be condemned and lied to.
And as they say - "if the truth hurts" -  tuff !!!!!

Surgery

This is Crystal-surgery will be Tuesday not Monday.
I hope that they can get the whole cyst and the infection out of that side of the face.
I am really over this!
Took the last antibiotic this AM - 3 weeks of super doses 2x a day - but it is not gone.
Can still squeeze the cyst and the crap still comes out.  I hope it doesnt get worse by Tues.
I have been really depressed.  I just feel someone else should be doing all this and not me-but there isnt any one.

Well K wants to write a note.
Dis bees  Kawesa
Eyes getting baby gracies  Mondays.  He bees  ats  de post offices.  Eyes  nameds  my utters  new babys  Corries.  He  bees a  grwhirls  babys.  He  bees  a goodeds  babys.
Now  eyes  gennas  dews  picsures.

SURPRISE ! SURPRISE ! written by Terry the Host of this Body

Well I guess I can say "Its my turn  now!"   This is Terry - the host of this run down abused body!
I checked out of reality about 6-7 yrs ago.  One day during therapy I decided that there wasnt any sense staying around since I couldnt work as a nurse any more.  The drs wouldnt or should I say didnt want me to work any more because of the DID and MS.  So by the age of 50  I was "retired".  And I can honestly say - I would sooner work then just sit around.  And with the last dr report- going both deaf and blind-why sit around? Wont be able to anything or enjoy anything...............

So I left Elizabeth take over- a responsible adult part - she did good - but couldnt control Kalisa.
No one can control Kalisa except her "new mommy" - who ditched her.  She could at least do a one liner of hi how are you or make her a picture.  That is all the kid needs to stay satisfied by her.  I mean she isnt asking her to be her therapist!

I see Kalisa has added to my doll collection-she has good taste!  I know she calls them her "babys".
 I do listen once in a while at what is going on  on the outside- especially with the drs.
That one dr did a number on my foot!  I can see why there is a wheel chair sitting in the kitchen! It is a wonder that I can stand on it!  I see why Crystal says that it needs redone.  That dr butchered it good!

And then this mess with the face- that dr needs sued!  A staph infection!!!!!  You get that mainly by unsterile technique during surgery!  If Crystal wouldnt have gone to another dr I would be dead by summer from it!
And the brain surgery - and Kalisa watching all the surgery from out of body.  Neat thing there that she can do.  And that thing being tied to her new mommy by that "silver thread"  as she calls it.  That kid can be a little strange at times.

I also see that there are a few more pets around.  When I decided to leave I only had a 6 lb poodle.  Now there are  4  - yes  4 red footed tortoises  in the house !  Crystal says that they are (2) 3 yr olds and (2) 4 yr olds and the oldest pair look like they are male and female- just what we need!
I have acquired a new flute and djembe drum.  The organ died so it didnt make the trip here to VA.  And books!  All kinds of books!  Looks like I have my very own library!

But the same old slow computer.  Crystal stated we had a small lap top which was stolen by the moving men along with a bunch of other stuff.  Some of the stuff K was very upset over when she found out that they stole it.
Too bad the district attorney's office didnt fix this thing when they had it for a year!  Yeah- the one that was thrown in jail for being a perp!  They had this hard drive for a year after they found out that the preps had tapped into it.  Guess he got his hands on it before they found anything and erased it.  It use to do really weird things and be turned on when I would get home(live alone).

The preps were still coaxing K to open the door and let them in or they would take her up until last April when we moved out of state.  Now we only have to worry about 1 guy 2 streets over - who doesnt know about our DID and past abuse.  The beginning of this blog was started when K was still being taken.   Has some of her hand drawn art work-warning is a little graphic sometimes.  Now she does most her work on "poly-bores"  as she calls it.

She does enjoy her friends that she has made there- she doesnt have anyone to talk to at all.  Only her poly friends.  No therapist here- live ON  top of a mountain!  Nothing here- no drs around-no one who even knows what DID is !And even a 2 hr drive- no dr there for DID either!
We plan to move after  my son has custody of his 2 sons.  Which might be soon.  Thank goodness for that!

Well I guess I will go back to "my place".  Nice a peaceful, quiet, relaxing-no worries-my very own little world!
I like it and just might stay there forever!  Not needed here any more... so.......Terry

My Turns-es !

Dis Kawesa.
It  bees  my  turns-es  toos  dews  some-fings  heres.

Eyes  gennas  writes  bouts  my  babys.

Dey  all  bees  goodeds  babys  cepts  Destinys.  He  bees  a baddeds  gwhirls  some-times-es.  He  cwrys  awots  some-time-es.  And  eyes  donts  knows  whys.

Butts  de  wests  of  my  babys  bees  goodeds  babys.

Eyes  gettings  my  berrys  owns  baby  gracies.  He  bees  heres  Crystals  sayeds  de 20  of  dis  monffs.

He  bees  my berrys  owns  and eyes  nots  habes  toos  gibes  hims  backs  toos  my  mommys.  My  mommy  gibeds  mees  her  baby  gracies  toos  watchs-es   and  dens  eyes  habes  toos  gibes  hims  backs  toos my  mommys.

Eyes  wikeds  dats  eyes  gettings  my  berry owns  baby  Gracies.  He  bees a goodeds  gwhirls  babys.

And  eyes  bees  gettings  a  cribs  fors  my  babys.  It  gennas  bees  a  white  Jenny Lind  cribs.

Harmonys-my torgus(tortoise) he  beings  baddeds.  He  means  toos  Taos.  Harmonys  bees  a  boys  torgus  and Taos  bees   a gwhirls  torgus.  Sometime-es  eyes  habes  toos  takes  Harmonys  ways  froms  Taos.

Harmonys  madeds  Taos, Ashsia  and  Hopes  falls  obers  ons  deres  backs.  Ashsia  and  Hopes  stwill  bees  wittles  and  Harmonys   bees  means  toos  dems.

Ashsia  hurteds  his  wittle  weg.  Dis  ones  heres  ins  de  backs.  Butts  eyes  finks  its  bees  gettings  a wittles  betters.  He  nots  wimps  toos  much  ons  its  nows.

And Hopes  bees  fraids  ofs  Harmonys  nows.

Eyes  habes  toos  watcheds  Harmonys  wots  durings  de  days  toos  makeds  shores  he  nots  bees  toos  means  toos  de  utter  torgues-es.

Eyes  takeds  cares  of my babys  and eyes  dews  picsures  on  poly-bores.

Sometimes-es  eyes  pways  games-es  ons  facebooks-es.
And  eyes  habes  my  fuffs deres  toos.  Eyes  wishs-es  my  mommy gibes  mees  backs  Emmies  sews  eyes  cans  pets  him.  She takeds  him  ways  cuz  she  foughts  Crystal  makeds  a picsure  bouts  hers  butts  its  bees  bouts  a  means  mans-es ons  de wittles  phones-es.  Sews  dens  my  mommys  takeds  ways  Emmies.
Eyes  misses  Emmies.  Eyes cwryeds  whens  my  mommys  takeds  hims  ways.

Eyes  nots  habes  a  fair-a-fists  toos  tallkeds  toos  no  mores.  Deres  nots  bees  ones  heres  and wheres  we  goes  toos  de  doc-ers   deys  nots  habes  ones  toos  takeds  cares  ofs  mees.  Sews  eyes  nots  habes  no bodys  toos  talkeds  toos  bouts  de baddeds   mans-es  and  badded  boys-es.
Crysals  sayeds  dats  we  mights  nebers  habes  a  fair-a-fists  gens.

Its  justeds  bees  mees  and  Crystals  wrights  nows.  Wizbeths  comeds  outs  de utters  days  at  de
doc-ers  cuz  she  bees  maddeds  ats  hims.  Sews  she  bees  outs  justeds  wittle  bits  and  dens  wents  ways  gens.  Crystals  dribes  de  cars  and dews  pisures  some-time-es  ons  poly-bores  and  writes  ons  heres  sometimes-es.  She  pways  games-es  toos.  And coloreds  picsures.

Whens  its  wrains  heres eyes  getteds  scares  cuz  dats  bees  whens  de  baddeds  mans-es  getteds  mees.  We  habes  wots  of  wrains  heres.  Butts  de  baddeds  mans-es  nots  getteds  mees  yets.  Maybees  he  bees  fraids  of  Annies  - dats  be Brandons  doggies.

Eyes  misses  my  mommys  and  my  friends-es.  Deres  bees  some  friends-es  eyes  habes  ons  poly-bores.  Eyes  wikes  its  whens  deys  gibes  mees  wittle  wetters.  Eyes  bees  saddeds  whens  deys  bees  sickeds  and  hurts.  Eyes  wishs-es  dats  no  bodys  ebers  habes  toos  bees  sicked  and  hurteds  and dats  utter  means  and baddeds  peoples  hurteds  demes.

Eyes  finkeds  eyes  gennas  dews  picsures  ons  poly-bores  now.

Overdue Posting

Well we didnt like the results of all the dr appointments last month!  And everytime we go we just get more appointments!
The CT of the head showed that the MS is getting worse-not surprised at that.  It has been so stable that is was soon time to hear that it was getting worse!
And the neck! Well every vertebrae in the neck has something wrong with it! And none of that is fixable!  SO that is just more pain that we have to live with!

And this face thing! I am well over that!  I am so tired of that pain and the horrible drainage(in the mouth) !
I fired the dr who did the surgery -last week.  And am going to a dr who actually is helping the problem!
He drained the cyst and got 45 + cc of fluid out of it.  That is alot fluid!  The other dr would not drain it.
He just kept saying "It is healing-there isnt anything wrong with it."
Yeah -right!  It has eaten the bone away in 2 places, eaten down through the sinus track and the crappy fluid is a staph infection-which he was not treating because according to him-"there is nothing wrong with it".

So now I am on 3 weeks of antibiotics!  And have to have surgery on it again! (May 17th) !
Thank you turkey butt doctor!!!!
I just hope the the numbness on the left side of the face goes away!  I end up chewing or biting my lip because I cant feel it!

I think on Tuesday we have to go to the eye dr-she is doing more testing on the eyes because we are going blind!  That will be terrible! Kalisa wont know what to do if we cant see!
And we should be getting our hearing aids any day now.  That will be nice-we will be able to hear the TV now!

And that poor foot didnt heal right from the surgery in Nov.  So that has to be redone!  This body is just one great big mess!
And I still would like a better or different job as an alter!  Or better yet- just do what Terry and Elizabeth did-leave and not come back!
This is too much for a 16 yr old!