This is Crystal .....a very tired Crystal.
Yesterday I started to pack the 4000 books that Terry has - I DIDed out some where along the line but most of the books got packed.
But the poor little tortoises! The "other" part that ended up packing the books- unplugged the baby torts light and heater! They didnt get too cold - went down to 77 - needs to be in the high 80's. So today I rearranged things and they now have heat nad light ! Cooked them yellow squash - hope they like it!
Kalisa is having a rough time. She doesnt want to pack her "babies". But we cant take them in the car- we have to have the dog in her car seat in the front- all 4 tortioses in a container on the back seat - along with a big plactic tote of all the medicines, jewelry, important papers, a suitcase of clothes and the computer of course! So there wont be room for the "babies" in the car! She wont even pack her toys!
Right now she is thinking about doing pics on polyvore. I need that Arnie S. part to come out and finish the books!
Still have about 500 to pack. And then all the fragile stuff in the that huge curio cabinet and on the book shelfs! That will be about 8 of those big plastic totes! Then it will be just about packed!
We hope to out of here by the 9th.
Then it is an 8 hour drive! Havent dont that in 3 yrs! Been too sick to do that long drive!
But where there is a will - there is a way!
Oh - I think I need a rest!
Wednesday, March 17, 2010
Friday, March 5, 2010
Locked in 4 yr old mind
This is Crystal - (I am 16 yr old part)
I have come to the conclusion that maybe Kalisa has it made. She doesnt have to handle the everyday stuff - I should say the everyday life stuff....I can see why people have the problems they do.... I liked just being the "me part" and only having to handle the "part" stuff.
Everyday life sucks! I can see why Terry (the host) and Elizabeth - the main adult part that took over after Terry went on her permanent "vacation" (as K calls it) ducked out !
Elizabeth thought it isnt worth the hassle anymore since K only has to survive everyday living - E did the driving and the bills and doctor stuff.
But since there isnt any therapy - of any kind to go to - and since the president and the state took away our medical insurance - that means NO doctors - no money to go to them! "We" owe about $4000.00 in dr bills for last year... What do you do when you dont have the money to pay them? I mean I am asking the question as a question.... What do you do? I mean - I dont know.
We got the food situation conquered yesterday - went to a church and they will give us food for the next 3 months. So we got that figured out.
Had to do a car inspection the other day. Had no idea what the guy was talking about - only knew that used our food and electric bill money to get the car inspected.
K just "takes care of her babies" (life like dolls) She thinks that they are really real! And treats them that way. She has her 4 "torgues-es" (tortoises) and the dog. She plays on polyvore and Facebook with her "fluff" and is content.
Now last week - this poor body was soooooo sick! "We" had to get the IV for 3 days for the MS flare up -it is like getting a chemo treatment. We got so sick from it this time around. Other times we didnt get that sick at all. K actually stayed in - only came out to try and I say try to eat some cookies or something like that. Came out a couple of times while watching "the babies getting borneds" on TV. She still is trying to figure out how they get in there! Remember the t trying to explain that to her - could tell that the t never had any kids! lol
Just wish K's "new mommy" would just send her a "hi" or make her a pic on poly for her - would get her out of the depression she is in. I feel she owes K that much.
"We" are always going to exisit. "We" are never going to get the opportunity to "heal" - this body will go out of this wold in its present DID state because there just isnt any help out there for us to do the necessary healing. In a couple of weeks the body turns 56 - and with the present health state of the body "we" dont have that opportunity of time - to get and have necessary healing.
At least there is no more abuse - since the bad man "droppeds obers deadeds" as K says. That was in Nov last year.
So now it is bad memories and all the alters....
We did find out thate Charlie - the "I want to die " part - is female not male. We and the t thought it was male.
And there is Willow, Autumn, Emily - new child parts that have made themselves known on polyvore.
I wonder how many other parts there are?
Oh well, I guess I complainded enough for awhile............
I have come to the conclusion that maybe Kalisa has it made. She doesnt have to handle the everyday stuff - I should say the everyday life stuff....I can see why people have the problems they do.... I liked just being the "me part" and only having to handle the "part" stuff.
Everyday life sucks! I can see why Terry (the host) and Elizabeth - the main adult part that took over after Terry went on her permanent "vacation" (as K calls it) ducked out !
Elizabeth thought it isnt worth the hassle anymore since K only has to survive everyday living - E did the driving and the bills and doctor stuff.
But since there isnt any therapy - of any kind to go to - and since the president and the state took away our medical insurance - that means NO doctors - no money to go to them! "We" owe about $4000.00 in dr bills for last year... What do you do when you dont have the money to pay them? I mean I am asking the question as a question.... What do you do? I mean - I dont know.
We got the food situation conquered yesterday - went to a church and they will give us food for the next 3 months. So we got that figured out.
Had to do a car inspection the other day. Had no idea what the guy was talking about - only knew that used our food and electric bill money to get the car inspected.
K just "takes care of her babies" (life like dolls) She thinks that they are really real! And treats them that way. She has her 4 "torgues-es" (tortoises) and the dog. She plays on polyvore and Facebook with her "fluff" and is content.
Now last week - this poor body was soooooo sick! "We" had to get the IV for 3 days for the MS flare up -it is like getting a chemo treatment. We got so sick from it this time around. Other times we didnt get that sick at all. K actually stayed in - only came out to try and I say try to eat some cookies or something like that. Came out a couple of times while watching "the babies getting borneds" on TV. She still is trying to figure out how they get in there! Remember the t trying to explain that to her - could tell that the t never had any kids! lol
Just wish K's "new mommy" would just send her a "hi" or make her a pic on poly for her - would get her out of the depression she is in. I feel she owes K that much.
"We" are always going to exisit. "We" are never going to get the opportunity to "heal" - this body will go out of this wold in its present DID state because there just isnt any help out there for us to do the necessary healing. In a couple of weeks the body turns 56 - and with the present health state of the body "we" dont have that opportunity of time - to get and have necessary healing.
At least there is no more abuse - since the bad man "droppeds obers deadeds" as K says. That was in Nov last year.
So now it is bad memories and all the alters....
We did find out thate Charlie - the "I want to die " part - is female not male. We and the t thought it was male.
And there is Willow, Autumn, Emily - new child parts that have made themselves known on polyvore.
I wonder how many other parts there are?
Oh well, I guess I complainded enough for awhile............
Tuesday, February 16, 2010
Just More Crap!
More snow! This body cant take the cold any more! Kalisa likes the snow-but then what 4 yr old doesnt like it!
We forgot to make an appointment for our blood work! Been sooo tired! And mind very confused lately! Alters jumping in and out- I know that makes you tired but I wonder if I need blood? Need the IV steroids for the MS- cant see- the eyes goes first on me-I just pretend to see where I am going! lol Just so they dont go like the one time- woke up and was totally blind in one eye! Waited too long that time for the IV !
Need to call for the lab work and the IV.
Several new alters have appeared here lately- wonder who they are and what they do?????
At least K isnt being taken any more. Not nice to say that it was a good thing that the bad man "dropped ober deadeds!" as K says. There is still one bad boy that drives by sometimes when the dog goes out- black truck - big one - fairly new. He slows down but that is all. Also a little black car goes by- doesnt belong around these parts- slows down but nothing else. K doesnt say anything about the car but when the truck goes by she will say "thats bees a baddeds boys". And the little black car just gives you a bad feeling when it goes by.
Hey anybody out there have any reading material suggestions on how to help us? Open for suggestions....
We forgot to make an appointment for our blood work! Been sooo tired! And mind very confused lately! Alters jumping in and out- I know that makes you tired but I wonder if I need blood? Need the IV steroids for the MS- cant see- the eyes goes first on me-I just pretend to see where I am going! lol Just so they dont go like the one time- woke up and was totally blind in one eye! Waited too long that time for the IV !
Need to call for the lab work and the IV.
Several new alters have appeared here lately- wonder who they are and what they do?????
At least K isnt being taken any more. Not nice to say that it was a good thing that the bad man "dropped ober deadeds!" as K says. There is still one bad boy that drives by sometimes when the dog goes out- black truck - big one - fairly new. He slows down but that is all. Also a little black car goes by- doesnt belong around these parts- slows down but nothing else. K doesnt say anything about the car but when the truck goes by she will say "thats bees a baddeds boys". And the little black car just gives you a bad feeling when it goes by.
Hey anybody out there have any reading material suggestions on how to help us? Open for suggestions....
Sunday, February 14, 2010
Valentines Day
Wish we could say that this was a day with good memories for "us". But it is just another day with nothing that has ever happened to us that was good nor anything good happening today.
Might have to give in and go to the ER for the broken toes - they are just getting worse and hurt so bad - cant sleep.
The pyramid complex world which is being revealed just gets more and more complex to figure out - so many different levels -
K has been quiet - I guess because of the pain we are having and the fact that she is sooo depressed that she cant call her mommy any more. I dont know how to help heal her- that is beyond my knowledge and know how. She once again has been deserted by a known good big - dumbed - left to the wolves.
External bads may not be around but there are still internal bads to handle. And I dont know what to do -
decisions need to be made..... I am only 16.... how do I decide if the decisions I make are the right ones?
Elizabeth needs to come around again.... but she seems to have disappeared just like the host did.
Sometimes I think it would just be good to go to sleep and never wake up.......................
Might have to give in and go to the ER for the broken toes - they are just getting worse and hurt so bad - cant sleep.
The pyramid complex world which is being revealed just gets more and more complex to figure out - so many different levels -
K has been quiet - I guess because of the pain we are having and the fact that she is sooo depressed that she cant call her mommy any more. I dont know how to help heal her- that is beyond my knowledge and know how. She once again has been deserted by a known good big - dumbed - left to the wolves.
External bads may not be around but there are still internal bads to handle. And I dont know what to do -
decisions need to be made..... I am only 16.... how do I decide if the decisions I make are the right ones?
Elizabeth needs to come around again.... but she seems to have disappeared just like the host did.
Sometimes I think it would just be good to go to sleep and never wake up.......................
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
Bitching Time !
This is Crystal and it is time to bitch!
What do I have to bitch about? EVERYTHING !!!!!
Especially since I am not of the real time world and only a part!
Just took me 30 mins to fill up a 28 day pill cassette! All those pills and for what? Just to do it again in 28 more days!
And things are only getting worse! Now they want $3000.00 for the first bag of pills since the new year started! "We" dont even make that much in one month! And "our" file has been flagged at drs offices since we owe them so much money (around the $4000.00 mark) And things are getting skimpy at the food bank- I mean we are very greatful for the food we get there- the only food we have since Prudential took our disability ck and that is until March of NEXT year! Dont know what we are going to do when the pills run out- cant afford them - dr said it would be about 2 wks and then we might be dead without them.(she said that the time when they thought K wasnt taking meds-she was but no one bothered to stop and ask her)
The pain is getting worse and I get tired of taking all those crappy pain pills- I dont know why I am still here-
I was told - oh about 8 yrs ago - that this is this body's last time for an earthly life - that "we" have supposedly learned all the lessons that we needed to learn and that we would not be coming back to earth to learn any more?????? That is if you believe that - I am not sure about that - or anything for that matter right now! And why "our" inner wisdom right now is reminding us of that? Questions- lots and lots of question!
But when do you get the answers? Where do you go to find them? Who is the right person to help you find the answers to these kinds of questions?
People just look at you like you are nuts when you ask these kinds of questions! Then they want to "lock" you up! "Go to jail" as Kalisa calls it. And they didnt do anything for you there! The food was crappy, they didnt let you sleep at night, didnt give you the right meds that you were to have and wouldnt even let you go outside! And then when they did let you go outside - there were 12 ft high fences all around! Just like jail! Guess K had the right idea there!
Then I look at my poor animals! Dont know what I would do without them-they are the only reason for etting out of bed- and the dog the only reason for going out the door! Was thinking about that tonight. I need to start a "doggie" fund for when something happens to Tierra. Even a dog from the pound costs you a couple hunred dollars! Has to be a little dog - next one very low grooming maintance- thinking about a teacup chihauhua next time around.
Now the "torgus-es" (tortoises) as K calls them - they claim they live to 50 yrs old - so they will out live me.
They are cute to watch and they do have their own personalities! I feel for them since it is so cold. They are from the tropical forests- but I hvae had them since they were 6 wks old. Two of them will be 3 yrs old and the other 2 - 2yrs old come May. The 2 little guys will no longer have to be in their"condo" come May. They can be out roaming around like the other two. That will be nice.
Oh well - body going to hell- falling apart - need hearing aids, going blind, lame - just think - if I was a horse they would just shoot me and put me out of my misery! Been telling my dr that for the past 6 yrs! Just take me around the corner to the nearest corn field and shoot me!
Well I guess I should just let K do some pics on "poly-four" as she calls it. Now she has it made. Four yrs old and her only worry is that her new mommy wont tal to her. Her new mommy doesnt realize how much her not talking to k affects this poor old body. The healing process is a whole lot faster when K is happier. That we noticed last operation- I dont know what will happen when it comes to a more major one- heart dr still wants to do some work - I said to wait to warmer weather. Who knows - maybe we will be dead by then!
Well I guess I bitched enough for now - K - its all yours! Go for it! Have fun making pics!
Sorry but i am not even goiing to correct any mis-typed whatevers!
What do I have to bitch about? EVERYTHING !!!!!
Especially since I am not of the real time world and only a part!
Just took me 30 mins to fill up a 28 day pill cassette! All those pills and for what? Just to do it again in 28 more days!
And things are only getting worse! Now they want $3000.00 for the first bag of pills since the new year started! "We" dont even make that much in one month! And "our" file has been flagged at drs offices since we owe them so much money (around the $4000.00 mark) And things are getting skimpy at the food bank- I mean we are very greatful for the food we get there- the only food we have since Prudential took our disability ck and that is until March of NEXT year! Dont know what we are going to do when the pills run out- cant afford them - dr said it would be about 2 wks and then we might be dead without them.(she said that the time when they thought K wasnt taking meds-she was but no one bothered to stop and ask her)
The pain is getting worse and I get tired of taking all those crappy pain pills- I dont know why I am still here-
I was told - oh about 8 yrs ago - that this is this body's last time for an earthly life - that "we" have supposedly learned all the lessons that we needed to learn and that we would not be coming back to earth to learn any more?????? That is if you believe that - I am not sure about that - or anything for that matter right now! And why "our" inner wisdom right now is reminding us of that? Questions- lots and lots of question!
But when do you get the answers? Where do you go to find them? Who is the right person to help you find the answers to these kinds of questions?
People just look at you like you are nuts when you ask these kinds of questions! Then they want to "lock" you up! "Go to jail" as Kalisa calls it. And they didnt do anything for you there! The food was crappy, they didnt let you sleep at night, didnt give you the right meds that you were to have and wouldnt even let you go outside! And then when they did let you go outside - there were 12 ft high fences all around! Just like jail! Guess K had the right idea there!
Then I look at my poor animals! Dont know what I would do without them-they are the only reason for etting out of bed- and the dog the only reason for going out the door! Was thinking about that tonight. I need to start a "doggie" fund for when something happens to Tierra. Even a dog from the pound costs you a couple hunred dollars! Has to be a little dog - next one very low grooming maintance- thinking about a teacup chihauhua next time around.
Now the "torgus-es" (tortoises) as K calls them - they claim they live to 50 yrs old - so they will out live me.
They are cute to watch and they do have their own personalities! I feel for them since it is so cold. They are from the tropical forests- but I hvae had them since they were 6 wks old. Two of them will be 3 yrs old and the other 2 - 2yrs old come May. The 2 little guys will no longer have to be in their"condo" come May. They can be out roaming around like the other two. That will be nice.
Oh well - body going to hell- falling apart - need hearing aids, going blind, lame - just think - if I was a horse they would just shoot me and put me out of my misery! Been telling my dr that for the past 6 yrs! Just take me around the corner to the nearest corn field and shoot me!
Well I guess I should just let K do some pics on "poly-four" as she calls it. Now she has it made. Four yrs old and her only worry is that her new mommy wont tal to her. Her new mommy doesnt realize how much her not talking to k affects this poor old body. The healing process is a whole lot faster when K is happier. That we noticed last operation- I dont know what will happen when it comes to a more major one- heart dr still wants to do some work - I said to wait to warmer weather. Who knows - maybe we will be dead by then!
Well I guess I bitched enough for now - K - its all yours! Go for it! Have fun making pics!
Sorry but i am not even goiing to correct any mis-typed whatevers!
Thursday, January 14, 2010
Poor Kalisa
For those who have not read earlier posts- "we" live only 1/2 block from the fire department.....
sirens going off all night and all very close by - the fires.......
K is beside herself...... she thinks they are coming to get her and take her to "jail"......."jail" to her is the psych ward.
A year ago "we" were held - against our will - just because a dr said we took up his time so therefore we were going to be admitted whether we needed it or not - to a psych ward. So once in awhile when K gets real anxious - she gets really beside herself some nights with all the sirens. And I guess tonight is going to be one of them.
Her "new mommy" use to let her call her and just leave a voice mail - she wont let her do that anymore...... it use to calm her down to where we wouldnt have to take medication - I would sooner just do a phone call to voice mail then pop pills...... but what can we do now? And now with the insurance stuff- soon there will be no pills and then I dont know what we will do........
We will be a royal mess!!!!
And no adult part wants to come out........sometimes I dont want to come out....... Kalisa is regressing back to just a four year old state with no regard to the rest of the world...........there is just no help out there for us.......
We are more then just alone......... we are forgotten.........deserted........abandoned............
sirens going off all night and all very close by - the fires.......
K is beside herself...... she thinks they are coming to get her and take her to "jail"......."jail" to her is the psych ward.
A year ago "we" were held - against our will - just because a dr said we took up his time so therefore we were going to be admitted whether we needed it or not - to a psych ward. So once in awhile when K gets real anxious - she gets really beside herself some nights with all the sirens. And I guess tonight is going to be one of them.
Her "new mommy" use to let her call her and just leave a voice mail - she wont let her do that anymore...... it use to calm her down to where we wouldnt have to take medication - I would sooner just do a phone call to voice mail then pop pills...... but what can we do now? And now with the insurance stuff- soon there will be no pills and then I dont know what we will do........
We will be a royal mess!!!!
And no adult part wants to come out........sometimes I dont want to come out....... Kalisa is regressing back to just a four year old state with no regard to the rest of the world...........there is just no help out there for us.......
We are more then just alone......... we are forgotten.........deserted........abandoned............
Sunday, January 10, 2010
Catch up Time !
Crystal here- we havent written for awhile- been really sick- been really cold here. Heaters I ordered FINALLY came!
Now we have some heat! Living in 60 degrees or below (inside) is for the birds! or should I say the polar bears! Poor tortoises wouldnt even come out to eat- had to dig them out of their hide (a nice toasty 90 degrees) .
Well lets see- lots of art and clues - if we ever figure out what they go to - K has been busy dressing and redressing all her babies. Checked out the "baby" she wanted from Walmart- not worth the $20 bucks they were asking for it- piece of junk! Told her if she can wait - we will get her her very own baby Gracie. All she asked -" how many days-es does eyes habes toos waits?" Guess I will hear that alot till she gets the doll.
Only me and K have been out lately - no other parts around- guess they are all staying in where it is warm. (hahaha)
Been nice - no bad mans around - only 2 drive bys right after he "dropped obers deadeds!" (as K says)
Maybe our life is in for a big change! That would be sooooo nice!
All the worlds we are finding out about and some of the "people" that go to the worlds.
How do you ever remember all that information? Makes my head hurt some nights just thinking about it!
Would be nice to have someone to talk to about some of the things- to get the thinking on the right track.
But the dear sweet gov. screwed "us" over- again! Medical- might as well say now that the "new year" rolled in - "we" might as well say we dont have any!
Will hvae to find some "free" programs to go on for pills now- cant afford the "great" new change!!! hahahah - Guess no one else is laughing about it either! No wonder Elizabeth decided to "retire"! I would too. I am only 16 and never had to deal with this stuff - glad I never had to all these years! I think I would have retired long ago! Wonder if there is an alter iside here that would like this job? (dont hear any one speaking up!)
Well I will let the "thoughts" flow and see what kind of art comes through!
Now we have some heat! Living in 60 degrees or below (inside) is for the birds! or should I say the polar bears! Poor tortoises wouldnt even come out to eat- had to dig them out of their hide (a nice toasty 90 degrees) .
Well lets see- lots of art and clues - if we ever figure out what they go to - K has been busy dressing and redressing all her babies. Checked out the "baby" she wanted from Walmart- not worth the $20 bucks they were asking for it- piece of junk! Told her if she can wait - we will get her her very own baby Gracie. All she asked -" how many days-es does eyes habes toos waits?" Guess I will hear that alot till she gets the doll.
Only me and K have been out lately - no other parts around- guess they are all staying in where it is warm. (hahaha)
Been nice - no bad mans around - only 2 drive bys right after he "dropped obers deadeds!" (as K says)
Maybe our life is in for a big change! That would be sooooo nice!
All the worlds we are finding out about and some of the "people" that go to the worlds.
How do you ever remember all that information? Makes my head hurt some nights just thinking about it!
Would be nice to have someone to talk to about some of the things- to get the thinking on the right track.
But the dear sweet gov. screwed "us" over- again! Medical- might as well say now that the "new year" rolled in - "we" might as well say we dont have any!
Will hvae to find some "free" programs to go on for pills now- cant afford the "great" new change!!! hahahah - Guess no one else is laughing about it either! No wonder Elizabeth decided to "retire"! I would too. I am only 16 and never had to deal with this stuff - glad I never had to all these years! I think I would have retired long ago! Wonder if there is an alter iside here that would like this job? (dont hear any one speaking up!)
Well I will let the "thoughts" flow and see what kind of art comes through!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)