This is Crystal.. I am the 16 yr old part of all these many lovely different parts. And right now I am so privileged to have the job of looking after Kalesa the 4 yr old part who has control over this body.
And sometimes it can be very depressing.
Kalesa is so misunderstood in the things that she says or asks.
People forget that she is only 4 yrs old.. a bit more mature then other 4 yr olds... but she is just 4 and greatly misunderstood in what she says.
Four yr olds tend to just blurt things out and they don't really think some times before they say things.
Things aren't meant to hurt others.
She is hurt easily by words....her "job" as a part was to please the bad men....so that is what she knows.... please others.....that is good...but if you do wrong your are punished.....
it is hard some times explaining  what is said by other people......I get a headache sometimes trying to do this.
Sometimes it is just easier to omit somethings said  and then I dont have to explain and explain and explain  over and over and over!
All she wants is approval and to know that some one is there for her.
I never knew that life could be so tough for a 4 yr old!
My head hurts bad!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Eyes  gennas  makeds  a  new  notes  heres.

Everys  bodys  bees  toos  busys  fors  mees.  Dats  whats  happeneds  wiffs  my  new  mommys.  She  getteds  tireds  ofs  mees  ands  nows  she  nots  talkeds  toos  mees  or  gibes  mees  wittles  wetters.
Dens  eyes  makeds  friends  ands  she  twelleds  dems  dats  eyes  takeds  ups  deres  times-es  and  nots  toos  talkeds  toos  mees  no  mores.
Sews  dens  eyes  nots  habes  friends  heres  no  mores.
Ands  dens  deres  bees  utters  peoples  dats  twelleds  mees  deys  bees  my  friends-es and now  deys nots  talkeds  toos  mees  no  mores  or  gibes  mees  wittles  wetters  ebers.
No  bodys  habes  times-es  fors  toos  bees  my  friends  no  mores.
Sews  nows  eyes  bees  alls  bys  my selbes  wiffs  no  bodys  toos  talkeds  toos  or nuff-ings.
Eyes  nots  bees  port-tins  nuffs  fors  no  bodys.
Dats  bees  ways  eyes  bees  d-presseds  and  stuffs.
Whens  no  bodys  wants  yous...............

Boy! Almost a year ago! And what you have to do to get back on the page!!!!
Might as well be the government!
This is Crystal...
Lets see a catch up I guess is in order.
Well since last October... left foot still needs operation on.. havent been able to wear a shoe in almost THREE  yrs!  Va docs dont give a damn!
Diabetes.. well still out of control;  since the visiting nurse fried my pancreas with my solumedroil(sp)
IV med for my MS.  Doc said that my pancreas basically doesnt work at all any more. So that means 3-5 shots of insulin a day.
K really likes that!
Cyst in left side of face..still there and still infected...that doc doesnt like me and I dont like him!! He is a real ass hole!!!!!!!!!  FINALLY   going to get a second opinion but I have to drive 3 1/2 hrs to get it!!!!!!!
Had a MRI of head-yearly thing done because of MS.
Showed NO NEW  lesions in brain but new lesions down neck.. Never had them there before .. can be why we are falling more. Cant ride a bike at all any more.  No sense of balance.
No brain tumors showing.
Liver enlarged.. could be NASH..(non-alcoholic syndrome of the liver)  Need a new liver but have too many things  wrong for a new one.  Host's son has it-he is on the list for a new liver.
Head hurts alot-they still dont know why...
We had 3 new family members..rescued a blue-mitted ragdoll cat that was a breeder... had her for about 3 months now-finally will let you pet her. And 2 5 wk old kittens.  One torti and a gray striped tabby..names of all, Babbette ..the ragdoll, torti is Callie and tabby is Willow.  K just loves all her "an-mules".
Oh and there are some new "humans" to the family.
A real strange story.. host's  son  married the lady across the street.. has 2 kids a girl 13 and boy 12.
She lives across the street and he lives here.  He did it so she would quit beating the girl.
She still beats her but not as much.  The "marriage" took place in April of this year.  Really weird.
She weights about 300 lbs.. Frank is about 150 lbs. She has no teeth and is not a clean person. Right now she has ring worm all over herself!  We, me and K .. we dont go over there!  Too many bugs  crawling all over the place and her one puppy died!!!  From dehydration, starvation and worms!
Really nasty over there!
It is starting to get cool here at night..I guess being on top of the mountain summers are short.
It is really weird outside tonight... really quiet... no noise...weird.
School starts in one week.  So that means no kids around during the day.  Brandon is still home schooling.
He is in 8th grade this year.
He wants to go back to public school in 9th grade.  I dont think he can with his autism.  He cant take notes.
Thats about all the up dates.
Oh I think there is another "part" trying to make themselves known.. dont know much yet  but there is "another" person there.
K has been depressed lately..hardly anyone is talking to her on poly..she hardly is even making pics on there.  Just plays her games on the computer.
Sometimes her depression can be felt by myself.
Well that is about enough for now.. so everyone who follows this didnt think we died or something!
Later!

Long Time

This is Crystal
I am horrible at keeping this up.
Well back in May we almost died.
The Home Health Nurse over dosed me on my IV medicine for my MS. There are 18 days that are not there in my life.
Was taken to the local hospital ER and transferred to a Hospital in Tennessee - put on a ventilator.
There was no need for that because it was a combination of all the IV Ativan and Sleep apnea that caused the "no breathing" problem.
After they figured that out - but first because of someone not using sterile techniques- I ended up with Staph in my lungs they took me off the vent and transferred me to a regular room instead of ICU.
So that was 10 days of antibiotics. because of THEIR lousy staff people.

And then they kept me tied down and said I was combative when all it was is - I cant lay on my back because I am still recovering from my last fall which resulted in a broken lower back! SO they were trying to keep me on my back and I was in pain but too out of it from the Ativan and they wouldn't listen to me. So therefore they tied me down and threated to put me in the psych ward if I didn't listen to them.
THEN  the CNA was too damn lazy to comb out my long hair (it was almost waist length) and she cut it to the shoulders and UNEVEN!  With it that long there should have been no reason for it to be uneven! I am still pissed about that! The cutting of the hair.
The last 3 days in the hospital I kept asking to see the doctor and he never showed up in my room for those 3 days.  Not even at night!
I know because by then all the Ativan had worn off and I have a very bad cause of insomnia!  I didn't sleep for those last 3 days in there.  So I know a doctor didn't show up - even though the bill says 2 doctors were in there to see me.
I fell and broke my foot- that is what started all this. I didn't know what I was doing because the overdose put my blood sugar over 700.  Also separated my left shoulder which no one caught until last week when an x-ray was taken because of someone backing into my car (in the hospital parking lot!).
So all I know is what Terry's son told us.  Kalisa doesn't even remember.
Well- any how - the foot STILL is broken- it wont heal, the overdose fried the pancreas and now we have to take insulin.  Oh - which I forgot to take yesterday- I better go take it now- time
out! OK  blood sugar next~~~~Oh well that up but that was after a drink of lemonade.
We have kidney stones.  Don't know what the doc is going to do for them.  Needs to do something- makes my back hurt more.
So any how- that was the hospital incident...

Next the Sexual trauma shrink wont allow us in her group - she said we qualify to be there but might be too disruptive because of the DID.. so there for NO therapy once again.  That is prejudice!
But then I found out that there is a lot of prejudice against women there at the Veteran's hospital.  That is where we go - we are a Vietnam Vet.  Some of the men - doctors included treat you like shit!
And complaining doesn't do you any good because the person you file a complaint with is also in that "We hate women" group!

Our blood pressure is always up when we go there because we know that we are going to get grief!
Even the cop who took the report on the accident- he said he was going to arrest me if I didn't stop crying so he could understand what I was saying! Can you believe that! And he had an attitude problem!  He really had an "I hate mother" complex!

But ~~ now for the home front... K has changed the doll houses around again.  She has 5 (3 rather large) 2 smaller houses, a cottage, beach house and stables.  Only the first 5 are out and right now she only has the 2 smaller ones set up.  That is because she sets them up according to what is going on with her "real" foster family.  Right now there is a family feud- I guess that is what you would call it- so the other houses are put up.  Each family member has a house, all their children and pets, etc go with each house.  So the 3 that are the "bad" ones right now as she calls them- are put up- I guess in a time out till they straighten up!  It still makes for a cramped bed room!
But she has fun with them and it keeps her occupied.

There is another "part" that showed itself for a couple of days about a month ago- no name is known.
Only that is may be a disruptive part.  Glad "it" didn't stick around!

Terry was out briefly.  Last night.  But I don't remember why she came out.  I only was able to "feel" her presence. She doesn't come around much.  Maybe once or twice a year.  And she is the "host" for those who are reading this for the first time.  She opted out around ..oh..around 10 years ago.  And Elizabeth who was the "big" who took over when Terry left - opted out after we didn't go to therapy any more - oh... that is about  7 yrs ago.
So that leaves me-Crystal (16 yrs old) and Kalisa (4 years old).  I do the grown up stuff- K is out most of the time.

She has her "babys" dolls that look real - and she treats them as though they are real,  her doll houses and the computer.
She loves getting "wittle wetters"  (little letters) from people.  She is thrilled  even if it is just a "Hi how are you".  She really would wish if her "mommy" would email her. There really isn't any reason why she cant just say hi to her.

And I, me, Crystal, wishes that Tedi would let us in the group again. I, me, Crystal had some friends that gave me support that I need and know that I could get more support from that group- but she blocked us. And her reason is a personal one.  Unfair.  Even people from the group think it is unfair.
I wish I had the support again.  It helped me.
Ok enough of that.

Other then the traumatic hospital experience in May and the car thingy 2 weeks ago-I guess for not having therapy is going OK.  But it sure would be nice to have someone to talk to.  Someone who understand what is like to be DID and have gone or is going through some of the same stuff.

Well K wants to "do some-fings ons de wittles  tbs fings".
So not really much of a catch up  but this will have to do.
Tedi-please unblock me - I need the support....

 

This is Crystal-Charlie has been trying to come out but Kalisa has been holding her off.  I am glad!
Charlie just causes all kinds of trouble.
"We" havent been feeling too well lately-we feel "off".  Dont know what is causing that feeling.
Have a heart dr appoint tomorrow - heart hasnt been beating right and O2 levels are down.  I have been saying for the past 4 yrs we O2 daily.

I would like to know why when one alter is out different senses are more acute then when another alter is out-ex:  my hearing is excellent!  But Terry has bilateral hearing aids.
And K's sense of smell is very keen!
And she can really play some of those computer games ands I suck at them!

You know people have studied the DID process and why alters occur but has anyone ever studied about the different alters and what they feel and sense when they are out?
And why do they all sense something different when it is all the same body?

I have also been given what I am calling "clues" as what means what in the poly pics-some of it makes sense and some of it doesnt.  But I guess something is better then nothing!

Oh well that is the thought for the night!

This is Crystal-we took a horrible fall tonight.
That poor bad foot! I know the metal in that foot is not wear it belongs!  The toe is swollen 3x its size! The whole foot is swollen, ankle and knee.
The floor is what stopped us. Landed on that whole left side!
Cant lay on that side- I think there are bruised ribs and my shoulder popped out and then back in-so that hurts but it popped forward and that popped the collar bone!
And I hit that side of my head that the neurosurgeon said not to for the next 3 years! Turn my head and the whole room spins. I have had 2 concussions before the head surgery and this feels just like that.  That is not good-if is moved that piece of skull......
Cant lay any way in bed-tried all ways.
K is having a fit because she can feel this pain.

I did have a "ding" of an idea with our DID.  I wish Tedi would talk to us -
Kalisa is always saying she has to "find the key to get out".
Well - the "key" is NOT an object.
When the bad men said "dont let her find the key to get out"- they meant dont let her find out how to get out of this world!
But when a world was created by them and no longer was effetive - an environment setting- which K thought it as a world ( of which she has many) they would just create another world and confusion on how to escape it.   That goes into some -what I would call-heavy therapy stuff!

Its like I think last week when the thought after K made a set about the chess world and the Masons-it is a cross over...an over lap of worlds......I wonder how many other worlds cross over?

8/27/12

This is Crystal-I am pretty lousy at posting here-keeping up with "Terry's" life  and Kalisa who is sooo  rambunctious and active!

Well since last time we had an "oper-sa-tions"  - which left about a nickle size hole in the not so fleshly part of your butt cheek!(where the under neath side of your butt cheek sits on a chair).  Had an abscess  there and the doc  fixed it there in the office-but it is not healing so that means a trip to the OR.  So I guess that will be in about 2 weeks.

Also a heart dr appointment and eye appointment to see if they are going to operate on the left eye-something growing over the retina and we are half blind in that eye.
Wish we could get that no good for nothing doc to fix the cyst inside our face-that is starting to flare up again-which means it is eating away at the tissue on the inside of the face again!  Soon we will not have a face to worry about!  There wont be any tissue left inside!

And then that poor foot!  How long do we have to walk on it broken?  We keep turning it because it is so weak and you now can hear the bone snap when the foot turns the wrong way!  I know the bone beneath the little toe is split-you can feel the point of it-but that dr wont operate till BS gets to 7 and that isnt going to happen as long as we have all these other infections in the body! I hope it gets fixed before they have to cut it off!

And then to all the people who have followed us here and on other sites(where one person was writing about us-where we were known as "Katie")-  yes "we" are still alive- but I think that is because of the blood thinners they put us on- so therefore no heart attack yet!  Thank the good Lord on that!  But I really do think it is because of them and the 50 other pills that we take to stay alive- and yes just like any other person who takes alot of meds- yes we get tired of swallowing that many-  but we are still here- which means Tedi- we take our pills like we should and dont need to be jailed in a psych ward because we make the statement that we get tired of swallowing them!  Dont mean we still dont take them-ever think of that?
That was an un-necessary 3 days locked up and a doggie motel bill because we had Tierra!  Boy! Right now with Tierra, Oscar and the 4 puppies!  I dont want THAT  doggie motel bill!
Any body out there need a really spoiled chihuahua puppy? 2 girls and 1 boy-all lap dogs!
I know Me-Crystal wouldn't know what me and k would have done without Tierra when we were alone-she was not only a great companion but a very good watch dog!

Now about the DID part.  We or I should say me- talked to a shrink a couple of weeks ago but that was for being raped when in the Air Force- the result- the one and only living child of Terry's. (she lost 2 daughters)  But the shrink after 2 different times and only about 2 hours worth of talking to us- turned ME-Crystal- and she knew that it was me Crystal she was talking to -turned me into Social Services for abuse, neglect and being incompetent! Well that went over like a lead balloon with me! Held my composure while SS was here but lost it after they pulled out of the drive!  And had to have Frank(Terry's son who we live with) smooth things over with his x-wife because the next day they showed up at her door!  End results -they dropped the case but the SS ladies let the "DID" dx out of the hat-which they shouldnt have.  Have been told we have a law suit there.... ????

A new alter tried to come out several weeks ago-but K wouldnt let them out.  Right now everyone "in there" needs to behave!
K made her "birffs-days & Kiss-miss-es"  lists and a pic on poly of her list.  She hopes to get it all this year.  Good luck and wishing K!

Other then with physical things with the body-and believe it or not K has behaved at the dr for now- nothing new or exciting happening with alters!  Thank goodness for that!