Friday, June 26, 2009

The Mind is in Never-neverland!

It is really bad when you cant remember the day, date or if it is AM or PM !
Forgot the time of surgery yesterday and was 45mins late getting there.

Kalisa has discovered polyvore and Bethany helps her on there doing her collages.
K still likes to cut pictures out and "goo" them together. She has boxes and boxes of pictures that she thinks are important.
I guess they would be if there was a therapist that would see her.
No one wants us!
Either we are told dont take your insurance, dont do DID, dont want DID or the best one is - dont want you!

The rejection of the many different aspects of "our" life are just getting so very overwhelming!

There are several new"parts" that have made themselves known. I wonder how many "parts" can live in your head before you just go totally nuts! Or how many times you can be taken and repeatedly raped - over and over again until the perps do you in. Just how long can this poor body last?

Havent seen or talked to anyone I know for so long - no wonder Kalisa has taken over -she is the only "one" that gets any enjoyment inbetween the creepy perps taking her. She has her "babies" and toys that occupy her. Really it is a sad and lonely life for a 4 yr old.
I really think it was her doing being late for surgery yesterday.

This afternoon we have a major test to have done on the kidneys - to see if they are shutting down. Then in 2 wks we go to see when the metal plate comes out of the head.
No one comes any more to see us when we are in the hospital. So to "us" it has become just another day.
"We" are just plain forgotten.
According to others - this body's life is not worth the medical expense to save.

Wednesday, June 3, 2009

So Sad

It is so sad to read this - things that are written by all the "parts".
Knowing that "we" will always be stuck in limbo and at the mercy of the perps that get Kalisa to come out . They have her programmed so well!

"We" have some what mastered the polyvore site for therapy art work.
But have been cut off of it and other sites we went to because of a person's fear.
It just makes you feel even more so alone and wondering why you should keep trying.
Someone or something always seems to be shooting you down.

A new part revealed herself just the other day. Another young girl- Su Ling. She made 2 collages on polyvore. The kids seem to like that site alot. I guess because they dont get sticky fingers from the glue!

No one really cares about another person anymore in this world.
They all just seem to think about themselves.

Where did the out stretched hand go?
The one that you could turn to - who would be there when you needed someone just to be there?
That seems to be a thing of the past any more.
I wonder if that will ever return?