Tuesday, December 30, 2008
There are many blogs on DID - oh - they are there if you look. And there are some that ask for every one's help in this problem of child abuse and DID survivor abuse.
But the blogs and the plea for help are only as good as the people who see and hear what they say.
Sometimes an army is defeated.
Sometimes it only takes one person to defeat that army.
This - will take first a person who hears and believes.
That person can be you or someone you know, a doctor, a therapist - not necessarily a professional person - but that one person who is willing to help - listen and care.
If there is a doctor or a therapist out there who understands about DID/abuse from it and willing to working with a victim - maybe just maybe - that is where the army begins to be built.
With one person helping another person understand what is happening and being done to them - so they can try and make themselves safe and learn to cope and live a life where they do not need to fear to live.
Yes government needs to do something also - but while waiting for them to do something about it - what about helping the victims now? Where is the help that they need ever so badly today- right now?
Some victims are very lucky and they have an understanding therapist - but those therapists are few and far between.
What needs to be done to keep the therapists that are educated in this already to stay and help these victims? It is fine wanting to get more therapists educated- but what are the children right now suppose to do - keep suffering until more therapists are educated? How long will that take? No one is listening.
Children are suppose to suffer for how long?
Eyes nots wants toos subbers nos mores !!!!! Pease helps mees! Kawesa
Take my hand - help me.
Monday, December 29, 2008
They cant even let her alone
before the holidays.
This one at the bottom has
a drawing she added-she said that they picked her up and were going to throw her in a hole in the ground that they dug and that there was a "bigs boxes downs ins de dirts dats deys gennas frows mees ins."
This body cant take much more - the meds for the MS are not working any more - been to the hospital every day for the past week -
The heart is going to have to be redone - that is if it can be redone- fine that out next week -
Kalisa hasnt even opened her "Kiss-miss"presents. They are just sitting there collecting dust. Some nights she is so scared -
Scared of what might happen if those creeps show up and then scared also because of this heart just flipping and flopping all around in the chest. Afraid to go to sleep because she may not wake up. She calls on her "wittle phonses" to the only person she trusts. It gives her some comfort - some nights it doesnt any more. And that even scares me! She is really what keeps this body going but there just isnt the energy there any more.
She lets her"energy field" down some -I guess because of the medical state that the body is in - she was talking to a little bunny the other day- and it was really sad - she knows she is dying - that this body is dying - I guess she gets some "crossover" from Anastasia- our inner wisdom part - she was telling the bunny that is was o-tays (OK) to be sad and that it was o-tays to crys because that is all a part of life and death. And that "ebery-bodys" has to "cepts" (except) that as part of life. Even if it makes your "bestest" friend sad and feel like crying.
Then she told the bunny she wished that her "wittle phoneses" friend would feels betters so she would come and talk to her before she dies. She cried then and hugged the bunny. She told the bunny between snobs that would make her so happy. But how do I tell a 4 yr old that that most likely wont happen? How can I crush her last ray of hope ? I cant do it - I just cant do it. That is her only last thread of hope here on this earth and if I tell her that will never happen - we are all dead. She will give up totally and die. She wont have anything to care about.
Wednesday, December 17, 2008
Kalisa popped out for awhile on here - always interesting to come back and find a different screen then what you were doing. She was gaming.
I was going to fix the cellar door - the one that leads into this room from the outside. Someone tried to get in last night around 3 AM. They didnt get to far! That bookcase was the best thing to set in front of it!
I was going to fasten it shut and put plastic over it from this side - cold draft comes from under it. Have to do it so it is a permanent thing.
But Kalisa popped out - I think it was because I did too much this AM and was starting to hurt really bad- chest pain and back pain - so I had to stop working and sat down here to rest and out she popped!
Wish she would clean! She is happy right now - got her a little ladder wall rack for her story books- put it together and she put her books on it. Now she has all her toys in one corner of the bedroom. That is "her" area.
All her other things -"babies" are in their "beds" in the living room and bedroom. Some of her beds for them are big and she has a real baby bassinet and several real baby bouncers for her"babies". They take up alot of room!
Just glad all the rest of this body's parts (30 some) dont pop in and out like Kalisa does! That would be too much for me to handle! Several do come out - Sadie is an adult part that is the "shopper". She did a real number with credit cards several Christmases ago.
There are several parts that come out here on the computer but not like Kalisa or Sadie or me.
And then a lot of the parts do collages and or write in journals. Most just do collages.
Well at least whoever tried to get in last night - didnt and Kalisa stayed in and here and safe. Maybe it wasnt the preps. Great! Just what I need - another kind of a**hole bothering me!!!
We have snow and ice right now- so I hope the preps keep away. It is way too cold for them to take her any where.
Sunday, December 14, 2008
This body is crap! I need an overhaul - major one !
I was just visiting Terry's site (host's name) where she keeps all of us listed.
How she remembers everyone I dont know.
Are protectors, and Guides and wisdom "people" considered parts and are all "parts" considered alters?
Or are alters only the parts that "switch" or "come out"?
This is too much to think about right now.
This is how Kalisa feels right now.
I am glad that she feels so happy right now.
Someone in this body needs to feel happy!
Saturday, December 13, 2008
All the pain that is has .......... never goes away even with the strongest pain medication.........
Why do I have to suffer with all this agony and then have DID on top of everything else?
How much more can this body take?
Will there ever be an end?
When will then end ever come?
Friday, December 12, 2008
But I am really tired and the body feels exhausted. They probably gave Kalisa some drugs. (big sigh) ;(
Tuesday, December 9, 2008
They have clogged the kitchen sink/garbage disposal and need it unclogged!
They did a really good job at it!
A whole jug of drain opener- to unclog 20 pipes- didnt open it.
So I guess I am off to the store to get some red devil lye if they still sell that!
Just might have to get some donuts!
I noticed that if you are a damaged goods person you dont get any answers about any kind of help from one person.
For a person who says she wants to help with stopping the abuse and such - she needs to remember that it starts with a person like herself - someone to help stop the hurt that the abused person feels/felt.
Which is more important?
The person who needs the help now or the possibility that someone might read a blog and think about doing something?
Well I have to go and undo a "Littles" thing - I hope this isnt the beginning of something new in "my" life. Cleaning up after littles.
I am not use to children. - E
There are some bigs out there that say they are safe bigs but us older littles do not trust them. They are the ones that put us on a psych ward when we didnt need to be there.
All of us were aware of that little episode.
Kalisa just needed some therapy time with her therapist and things would have been OK.
And then we would not be left hanging as we are today.
Things would be different and Kalisa would not be so lost and alone.
She feels betrayed and abandoned once again.
Like a broken doll- someone picks it up and starts to fix it but then just lets it go and it is broken once again - only this time a little bit more broken and harder to fix the next time around.
One of these times that doll is going to shatter and there will not be any fixing left to be done.
But we are in control now - we have done away with all the bigs - and we are not going to let any outside bigs hurt us ever again!
This body may not have long to live so us littles are going to enjoy the time it has left here. And we dont care what anybody says!
We fooled them before and we can fool them again!
No one really cares. People just use words - just like they use other people.
If they really cared they would show it.
We havent talked to another big for over a week. That shows how much bigs "care" about you.
WE could be laying here dead and no one would know because no one cares enough to see if you are OK.
And that is the way of life that this body only knows.
Words - not actions.
The only actions are actions of hurt - both physical and emotional.
No actions of love, trust or real caring.
WE only have each other. There is no one else.
WE are OUR only family and friends.
People say they are your friend but when it comes down to it - they arent there for you when you need a "friend".
And then there are other people who make excuses as to why they cant come around even though you know they are just making up excuses - they could be there for you if they really, truly cared about you. Once again - just words - no actions.
So when something happens to this body - no one will miss it let alone care that something happened to it - that it no longer exist. That is really sad.
Beff-knees justeds tell-wids mees eyes nots getteds nuff-fings fors
Alls eyes askeds fors was my friends she calleds mees ons de wittles phonses and she makeds mees new storys tapes.
She sayeds nos she nots doeds dats nos mores.
She bees toos busys wiffs her new friends. She getteds ons de wittle tb fings whens she getted ups and stayeds ons deres tills she goeds a beds ats nights. She nots habes nos timeses fors mees, or Nemos or Woo-cees or Winus or Shoulders or ebens Bry-ins. She bees justeds toos busys wiffs de wittle tbs fings. Dats makeds mees bees berry berry saddeds. Eyes crwhyeds a berry wonged timeses whens Beff-knees tell-wids mees dats.
My friends sayeds dats she lubs mees. Butts ifs she wheely lubs mees she nots hurteds mees and makeds me crwhys. She nots cares ifs de baddeds menses getteds mees. Ifs eyes wistens toos hers storys tapes dens eyes nots hears de baddeds menses and den eyes stayeds safests.
Sews she nots careds ifs eyes getteds hurted by de baddeds menses.
Eyes heareds de doc-ers. Dey tell-wids Wiz-biffs dats my hearts bees wheels
sickeds and dats eyes mights getteds deadeds soons. Eyes tell-wids my friends dats and she nots ebens cares. Wizz-biffs askeds hers ifs she comes toos bisits for we getteds deadeds and she sayeds nos.
Eyes bees sews confuseds. Eyes foughts she lubs mees. She tell-wids mees dats one timeses.
Sews nows eyes nebers habes a kiss-miss ebers agains.
Physical as well as emotional hurt.
And that is one thing that there seems to be an ever endless supply of.
Promises are the other thing - falls in the same category. A promise to them is the same as a hurt. Sometimes it just hurts more depending on who made the promise.
Lies are the same as promises and hurts. Littles dont want to hear what you think they want to hear - they want to hear the truth. Because the truth is better to hear and hurt then to hear a lie and be hurt by the lie.
The lie just makes trusting more difficult .
And trust - they give a person their trust - to a little giving a person their trust is the same as taking their heart and laying it on a plate and saying "Here -take it."
When that trust is broken it is the same as a lie and all the hurt in the world. To find out once again that you are only someone else's throw away garbage.
Unwanted, unloved, neglected, used, mentally abused.
Like the infant in a crib that is not nurtured - not touched - not talked to - not held - not caressed - just there - just there waiting to be hurt once again because that is all they have ever known in their short little lives.
posted by Carey - a little
Sunday, December 7, 2008
Eyes madeds utter picsures toos.
Saturday, December 6, 2008
She has suffered enough.
She is only 4 years old and a big should not tease her by making her promises and then go back on them.
1. All littles will follow ALL rules or be put away with the bigs
Tuesday, December 2, 2008
But by the feeling of the body - the perps had her and I think were quite rough.
Then they did that special pee on my belly (they masturbated on her stomach)
She be saddeds. Maybees a morrows she talkeds toos mees.
Saturday, November 29, 2008
Well Thanksgiving was no different then any other day.
I dont know what they all did to her but I do know that she was very sick for the night and this AM.
I am sooooo tired of this. Sometimes I think I would just be better if they just did her in and then this would be over with. I am loosing my will power and I think most of hers is gone.
Tuesday, November 25, 2008
She was born in March, the 2nd daughter. A boy was wanted - not a girl.
To give her "time" on the computer she has a fluff and plays a couple of games on here.
Her fluff pic lately has represented some of her weekends when taken by the perps. Others have expressed how she must feel at the time the pic is made.
Some of them are rather dreary.
I will have to get her fluff address - her fluff is a frog named "baby silbesters"
She named him after a friend that has a zen garden with a little frog in it named Silvester.
Kalisa has been in and out all day today. She is very restless and frightened.
I cant get anything done around here when she does that. And she gets control over the body - she is stronger.
The other day when someone was in here and they messed with my computer -they put a butterfly screen saver on here - every 5 mins. Really nice screen saver- but I wonder if it is to be a trigger for her. That would be a really bad one because I am on here a lot - usually start around 5-6 PM and here till 3-4 AM or longer. Dont sleep any more at night- unless the body is so exhausted then I take sleeping pills. They sometimes dont work but when they do I am knocked out really good.
That really would suck if they are using butterflies to get her to come out.
when it rains she is usually taken by the "badded boyses" and raped .
I cant stop her or them.
She has a stronger personality then me and can just take over and come out if there is a trigger. She was just out and went back in and is trying so hard to stay inside.
But my head hurts so bad with her trying not to come out- I dont think I will be able to stay out and in control - I feel that at any minute I am going to loose the battle - that means she will be taken out in the cold and the rain.
I hope they dont drop her off in the city if they take her tonight. She can never find the "boo door" (blue) of the one person she knows in the city - a safe person to her.
Sunday, November 23, 2008
Dont remember the ending of joining that .
I dont think anyone went any where.
That is just some of the firsts of Charlie's art work. His message of his job is quite clear. And he tried really hard there for a bit. Hasnt been out for a while. Thought maybe he went away.
Kalisa stayed in today which was nice. I was not up to a 4 yr old today. She found some more of her toys. I still have some things packed from moving. I just had too many surgeries right after moving and not permitted to lift over 10 lbs - so the unpacking just isnt getting done. And also I figured out that since I really dont like it here - it means that if all the stuff is unpacked then it is a more permanent thing living here. So I guess that has something with the unpacking.
Sometimes he (Charlie) keeps me awake at night - I stay up all night . Dont go to bed-something bad might happen if I do. He isnt as aggresive now as he was when he made himself first known.
But depression does that to you. You just have something extra to handle then other depressed people - they dont have alters to keep them busy.
Well the brain just isnt working too good today.Too much noise going on up there. They need to settle for the night so I can go to bed.
Saturday, November 22, 2008
Being a nurse, I know how many times I wish I had heard those two little words- Thank you. But you never got the recognition of the work or help done by being thanked.
So this is a Thank You to the person who helped me find out where those lost minutes went.
The person who showed me how to handle the hand that was dealt me - me who was unwanted and casted aside.
A person who had healed herself and who now unselfishly was giving and teaching others how to heal. She is a healer and she doesnt even know it.
She helped the broken to be restored and what was once lost be found.
The pain, fear, trust and hope destroyed by another human she understands and worked so diligently and gently to undo what had been done to me as a small child.
She showed her concern in many ways that even my own family didnt. She believed me. She stood up for me in some very difficult times. She tried to help when others didnt or wouldnt. She was always there when I needed to talk to her. She really cared. And that meant alot to me. No one ever was concerned about me before.
I was just left to care for my other siblings - forgotten and unwanted - a 4 year old who had to be an adult, robbed of her childhood, abused, neglected, never knowing what it is like to be loved or to be safe.
She showed me that you can be safe and that you life is worth living. She showed me that you can trust again. She opened up my heart to a whole new and different world.
And even though my abuse is still on going, she taught me that there is still hope - hope that one day people will believe what is really happening to
me and others, hope that one day I will be safe and able to live a life that I have never known in saftey, hope that I will heal from all the abuse and trust others one day, hope that the life I know now will be in my past forever and most of all , not to give upon hope - that there is always hope.
So when my depression gets really bad and things look extremely bleak to me - I remember her words about hope and the times she rescued me from myself and told me that there are people who do care about me and that my life is worth living.
DID is not an easy thing to handle. She knows that and understands.
She is going to greatly missed not only be me but others that she has helped to heal.
Thank you. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for all that you have done for me. It has all been greatly appreciated more then you know.
I wish for you a speedy recover from all you medical problems and that you will soon be back to your old self.
You are very special person. Not many people can do what you do.
Thank you and please take care of yourself. I wish you all the luck in the world and a wonderful and beautiful future for you.
Elizabeth, Kalisa and all the others
Not only "out" DID wise but also out in the cold.
At least "they" the perps dont take her to the barn when it is this cold but to the "wittle cabins" as Kalisa calls it.
They didnt keep her over night but dumped her off in the city at night.
How she ends up back home I dont know.
I do know that she once again was looking for a friend's house. The one with the "boo" (blue) door. She didnt find it but it looks like she called her on the "wittle phones". (cell phone)
She must not have been very cooperative for them. Her punishment for that is they give her a laxative before dumping her off somewhere. I guess if they cant "enjoy her" then she cant enjoy anything. So they make her life miserable even if she isnt around them.
This body once again has a cold. I guess this winter it will always have one. This apartment is cold and with them taking her out in the cold and dumping her off on such a cold night - it is not surprising.
I wish they would let her alone. My health is failing and I dont know how much "cold" it can handle till I have pneumonia.
I dont know what all they gave her - I know they gave her a laxative but they must have given her something else - the mind is not clear and cant think straight right now.
I know with all the medication I take that it is so easy for them to slip her something. I checked the bottles the other day. There are bottles that should be full that now only have a few pills in them. So it looks like they helped themselves to refill their supply. There are also bottles themselves missing.
I wonder if they have Kalisa bring the bottles to them -
The chain was off the back door this AM when I went to take the dog out. And she wouldnt eat anything this AM - I noticed that her food in the frig was less then what I remembered when I put it in last night.
To bad they didnt put all these books back on the 3 bookshelves! I am in the process of moving them so there are about 300 books laying around right now. And I dont have the energy to finish that right now.
I get so tired of this!
Thursday, November 20, 2008
Tonight they have a new tactic - if you want to call it that.
She didnt know what to do.
I guess they couldnt see in the window - there are mini blinds up but tonight I hung curtains over them! All windows are now in the "unable to see inside" mode! Guess the perps dont know what to do about that.
But Kalisa did take a flash light and went outside to look at the porch!
They are so annoying!
Sunday, November 16, 2008
They would be maimed for life!
They like to mess with my computer! They do it by remote access. My desk top is really messed up because of them and now they are messing with this little laptop that a friend was so nice to give me. (She got a new pink one for Christmas last year)
I just spent a half an hour on the phone to Comcast. My main email address would not let me sign in! The guy at comcast gave me a new pass word and then he was able to access it from his end but I still could not sign in. After he had me do a few other things to settings I was then able to sign in.
They also messed with a home site on face book. It was not mine but a gaming friend's homepage - they deleted all their info on their home page! That was last nite. but this AM my gaming friend cked her page and the info was back!
This is the kind of things they have been doing to me for at least the last three years.
They would access the remote access and then find out where I was going if I had sent someone an email and then follow me. Or know if I was at home and come and use a trigger to get Kalisa to come out.
The Assistant District Attorney office got involved with my case when the local police department didnt help me with people coming into my house when I wasnt home. It was obvious that someone was in the house-things would be moved and they even ate my food! The dog and cats would not greet me at the door if someone had been in the house and the chain latch would be unlocked.
My desk top computer was taken to the District Attorney's office to see if they had left anything on the computer. They had it for at least 3 months
When it was returned I was told they didnt find anything on it.
But why would they! The District Attorney was just recently charged with being a pedophile!
So if there was anything on my computer that the pedophiles left on it - I am sure it was removed permantently and I will never know if something was there.
This is just one thing more that I have to put up with on a daily bases.
My health is failing. I dont think the heart procedure did what it was suppose to do. I now have to take extra medicine so I can just sit here at the computer so my hands will work.
I dont sleep at nite because that is when "they" prowl around the apartment I moved into in May.
I had the police out here at 12:45 AM 2 nites ago.
There is an outsidet trap door the leads down to a dirt cellar. I cant put a lock on it because there is a gas meter that needs read monthly by the gas company.
There is an inside door from that cellar that leads up into the room I am now sitting in. I have a bookcase infront of the door. There is not a lock on the door and the landlord will not put one on it.
Two nites ago I noticed a light shining above the bookcase after I turned off the room light. It was midnight and there should have not been a light on down there. The meter man had been here the week before.
So I called the police. They did come faster then the other police department.(I moved to a different township)
They cked out the cellar and turned off the light. They said no one was down there but they think that someone may have been "scoping out" the place and come back.
I think they have already been in here. My camera and a few other items are missing. The items were not all taken at the same time. I
I have changed the locks on the doors.
But this doesnt seem to stop them. The last house I had replaced the locks so many times - I have a door knob collection that I really dont want!
Why cant they just leave me alone!
There is one person who wont even come to my houswe because of them!(perps)
That is theyonly person who believes me - about the DID.
I have absolutely no support from anyone on this - DID.
My therapist took medical leave and doesnt know if she will be coming back to work. I tried to get into another therapist and there just arent that many around that work with DID. There is a 6 to 12 month waiting list.
My psychiatrist "fired" me! Yeah -she "fired" me! She was so rattled that my 40 min appointment lasted 10 mins! She doesnt believe in DID. And she said she "couldnt work with me so I am firing you. OOOPs! I mean I am discharging you from my service because I just cant work with you".
That is exactly what she said. I had only been going to her for the following of medication and my family dr wanted me to go back to her because of all the surgeries I had had and new meds -so I went. After filling her in on the DID stuff- that was when she got rattled. And she thinks she cant handle just hearing about what I go through! She should live just one weekend of my life!
Then she would have something to be rattled about!
So besides just handling the DID and Kalisa can be a handful sometimes - there are other parts of my life that these creeps mess with - and then there is the no support and the non-believers in the professional world - such as the drs and police departments and their superiors. They follow under the "no help" list.
So how is a person to "heal" when all of this is going on every single day?
Saturday, November 15, 2008
I really only have one little-Kalisa -who does that. She sometimes just takes over the body. She use to do that alot in therapy sessions as she grew fond of the therapist and learned to trust her.
Now she comes out when she wants to play (she has been provided with her own toys) or sometimes in the toy section of a store. She at one time thought about coming out while driving - that was brought to a very quick halt- and also in dr offices as she thought there was no need to be there and wanted to go home.
I do have other "littles" but they stay inside. They have made their presence known in therapy and through their own art work. But Kalisa is the only one who comes out and has her own personality outside in the world.
She trusts no one. She did trust one person not long ago - but that trust has vanished as that person is basically gone from her life. And that caused her to regress and any undoing of triggers and the very little bit of healing that may have been happening has ceased. She has reverted to her old ways - # 1 rule - trust no one #2 every one lies to you #3 all "bigs" (adults) can not be trusted - funny how she has 2 no trust rules for herself .
She still comes out to play and stays out sometimes longer then she should but her thinking as well as mine is - so what. The "badded" people will still get "us" - they have their ways and they know now that they can get to Kalisa alot easier then before. She has given up trying to be safe because her one and only reason for trying to be safe no longer exist for her. She has no reason to want to be safe. She feels she has no need to be safe. She just doesnt care any more.
She has know from her beginning she was never wanted and that no one cared about her or what happened to her. She said in her own 4 yr old way that her life has not changed any - people make promises and dont keep them, people say words and really dont mean them. People you learn to trust just leave you and dont want to hear what is going on in your life or want to talk to you or with you. You are once again lost and forgotten.
It seems like it is a never ending cycle of the lost and forgotten.
Friday, November 14, 2008
People tell you "things" . Sometimes it is just what they think you want to hear and they are not being truthful. You can tell that they are not telling the truth - you seem to have this radar that lets you know.
Who do you trust? No one. That is the safest way to live as a DID person.
You begin to trust a person and then find out that they are only saying things to pacify you. Good way to teach a person NOT to trust you.
And dont count on promises. That word does not exist in my world.
The DID world is am empty, lonely world. You are forgotten. Family and friends treat you like a leper or pretend that you do not exist.
With my medical conditions I could fall over dead at any time and I would lay here for days before some one would think to maybe- and I say maybe think about checking on me. The maggots probably would have already set up household when some one would come by to "see me".
You are not only lonely but also alone. A definite setup for depression.
No harm intended - but someone reminded me that the new James Bond movie started today. I would love to go and see it - but I cant.
I cant because I cant go into the dark movie theater - all I know is that something happened once in a dark place similar to a movie theater and I am reminded of a trauma that took place in my early years.What it is exactly - I do not remember. Just that something terrible happened and I cant sit in a movie theater with someone behind me or the possibility of someone walking up behind me in the dark.
Simple every day things like this - DID victims are robbed of the pleasure that other people take for granted. Going to the store is a chore - I hate shopping.
I have been followed to the store , inside the store and back out again by perps.
Even have a picture of one of the perps.
This pic along with the license plate # of the car he was in - along with a pic of the car was given to the police department.
What happened after this was done? NOTHING !!!!!!!!
Absolutely nothing! I was then known as the "crazy lady". Even with my therapist verifying that this did happen (she was there and took the pics) the police still did not believe me that someone was following me let alone taking me (Kalisa) and raping me at their will.
Anything the police were told was heard with deaf ears.
I never received any help from the police department.
As a matter of fact along with medical personnel ( and I hate to admit it being a nurse myself and having worked in the hospital that I was taken to) the police person and the EMTs all stood at the nurses station of the ER I was taken to after being raped one night - stood laughing - yes laughing at me and making fun of me because I was just the "crazy lady" with the multiple personalities.
And this was done in such a loud manner that alot of other people around the area could easily hear what was being said.
This definitely violated my HIPPA rights. And not one person was reprimanded for this.
So not only are every day pleasures robbed from you but you also have to put up with the ignorance of people not knowing what DID is and the proper way to handle situations dealing with "littles" and other alter personalities of a DID person.
I dont know if other DID people find this happening in their lives. But this is how it seems my days go. I guess I just look at DID in my life as another medical problem to handle. Just one of the 30 some medical things that are wrong with this body. I guess I should be happy that there isnt a pill just for DID. That would mean another pill to swallow! That would be more to add to the 40 some pills and 2 shots a day that I take to stay alive!
Some days it doesnt seem worth the bother to swallow all them.
But that would be Charlie talking. He is my "you must die" alter. He has his own art work he has done. When I figure out what happened to the scanner then I can share some of his art work.
Oh well -
Really, really angry! To know that a person takes advantage of another person - especially when they have to resort to using DID to get what they want! That they do not have the courage themselves to use their own brain and act adult enough but prey on a person who has DID and use a 4 yr old personality to get their jollies!
"We" where taken again. Poor Kalisa! She is so terrified right now. She doesnt know who to trust. After what they did to her Halloween night and then taking her again and locking her in a cage.
Kalisa didnt have much to say this last time - she drew pictures and talked a little.
She said that they were going to "dumps mees in de bigs waters". By that she means they were going to throw her in the river.
This is the picture she drew. She said they went in a little boat and they picked her up and held her over the side of the boat.
They are so mean and cruel!
This time around they hepled themselves to my medication. Because of my medical problems I have pain pills and sleeping pills.
Kalisa said that they gave her "boo" ones - blue pills. That would be the sleeping pills. And then they gave her a little white pill. That could have been either a sedative or pain pill. So they sedated her to do whatever they wanted to do to her! The cowards!
This is MY art work of how I feel right now!
Not one of my better "anger" ones but my scanner quit on me.
I am not allowed to "state" on here what I would do to them if I got a hold of their bodies!