BACK FROM HELL - TRIGGER WARNING

TRIGGER WARNING !!!


Well Thanksgiving was no different then any other day.

Those creeps got ahold of Kalisa and had her till late last nite.
I dont know what they all did to her but I do know that she was very sick for the night and this AM.
I am sooooo tired of this. Sometimes I think I would just be better if they just did her in and then this would be over with. I am loosing my will power and I think most of hers is gone.

I am trying to think of a good reason to keep living this life of hell.

No one really cares. They are all caught up in their own thing.

Is there a word that describes beyond deep depression

WHO AM I ?????

Back Gound History

Some early back ground history of this host body.

I, Elizabeth, am NOT then host. She went "into hiding" over two years ago and an adult had to take over and it just happened to be "my job".

I learned through therapy all alters have a specific job just for them.

Such as Charlie is the "I want to die" alter and Kalisa is the 4 yr old alter who took and still takes the physical abuse (mostly rape from the perps) - I am the adult alter who's job is to take over when the host of this body DIDed out and an adult was needed. But I know most of her story up till the age of 4 when Kalisa came into being.

That is what I am going to post here - the beginning of the end
She was born in March, the 2nd daughter. A boy was wanted - not a girl.

Her father extremely disappointed. She was not really neglected as an infant but not really given love so there was no real bonding with her parents or sister who was almost 2 year older. The sister was a blue-eyed blond, a little princess.

She was born with a head full of coal black hair and brown eyes.

Her mother always said she looked like a little monkey when she was born. It was not repeated time and time again in a silly little way but in a very serious descriptive way. Her mother didnt want any more children but her father wanted a boy - but wah-lah!!! There she was! Not wanted by her parents or her sister who was jealous of her.

When I find some baby pics I will put them on here. There is one where she is 9 months old sitting in a high chair with both arms bandaged-from the hands to the elbows. Her mother told her that she was learning to pull herself up (should have been doing that before that age) and she grabbed ahold of a hot water pipe-burned her hands. If she burned the palms of her hands - why then is so much of her arms bandaged? Lied to her even after she was an adult about this. To this day she still doesnt know what really happened.

Oh they feed, bathed and put her down on the floor to learn to crawl and walk by herself. No yeas when she learned any of those baby achievements. She was just there.

Then a year and a half later - she was forgotten. Just there. The boy her parents - or should I say her father wanted - was born. So now they had their little blue-eye blond and their boy. And really forgotten when the 2nd boy came along a year later. And then there was last but not least - the baby of the family- another blond but no blue eyes girl.

The older sister was jealous of her. When she was 3 the older sister put her in a doll cradle and pushed her down a flight of stairs in the cradle - at the bottom of the stairs there was a closed door. She went through the door. It was a hollow door. I dont know if she was hurt from that - but she did get her first whipping from her father. He didnt use his belt on her - that started around 5 yrs old. He just would pull down her pants and smack her butt so hard with his hand that I am sure the neighbors heard her little yells and cries through the walls of the house! He said the broken door was her fault - so she was the one to be punished for it. And that continued till she moved out of the house at the age of 18. Everything was always her fault. And her father would not listen to her-he even said he didnt what to hear any excuses from her- it was her fault and she did it!

By the age of 4, she was responsible for watching her brothers and sister. And nothing better happen to those 2 boys! Her little sister wasnt born till she was almost 6 yrs old and had started school. And after the little sister was born and old enough to toddle along - all she heard from her mother was "she's the baby, let her go with you " or "she's the baby, let her play with you". And if she didnt- her father would hear about it and out would come the belt!

By the age of 4, Kalisa appeared. She is the 4 yr old alter that appeared and that then took the sexual abuse and still is today.

The perps back then must have recruited younger boys and taught them what to do to trigger her and this has been going on for 50 years. The therapist thinks they use Kalisa as a "teaching tool" to teach the younger boys what and how to trigger her. And still do the same today.

Kalisa did not "come out" for the first 6 months of therapy. She did not reveal what was being done to her for about another 3 months. Then she drew pictures. When ask by the therapist what the pictures where - that is when the true story of her beginning unfolded.

Here is one of her very first pictures. It is a picture of a man "baddeds manses"

(remember Kalisa has a habit of making everything pleural) at the top of a staircase.

Kalisa said that a badman would take her down in the "darkeds" (basement) and sometimes there would be a "little beds" or a mattress and he would "play games" with her. And she told the therapist she didnt like those games.

Or sometimes he would take her to a shed or they would go some place in the car.

Sometimes she would draw pictures that had more then one "baddeds menses" (men) in it . When ask by the therapist who they were -Kalisa would tell her they were all bad men. And they all did the same thing to her. She would say they made her play that game she didnt like.

Yes at the age of 4 - they started to gang rape her.

Back then she was tired to the edge of a work bench while they raped her, staked to the ground and rape her (they still do that today) and anything else they could think of.

And try and tell her parents! Right !!!!!! Like they would listen to her. It was a seen and not be heard household- most of all for her.

She learned real fast if she knew it was something bad and she would get punished for it - dont say anything. Keep it to yourself or you would get "the belt"! And the belt was mainly used on her - the 2 boys never were hit with the belt and her little sister. She only remembers one time her older sister was hit with the belt and the sister was 16 yrs old at that time. So this poor little girl , 2nd born, responsible for 3 siblings at the age of 4, was really the only child that"the belt" was used on by her father.

And he must have gotten it from some where. Maybe the perp- the perp would use a belt on her if she didnt do as she was told.

Kalisa's one drawing is nothing but a belt on the page.

After Kalisa opened up to the therapist she told the therapist that the baddeds mans would also tell her ( and Kalisa would shake her finger when she said this)

"Nos crwyings, yous nots awouds toos makes nos noises" . That is in Kalisa language - translated is - "No crying, you are not allowed to make any noise". That is what he would say to her as he raped her.

Well I am tired- so that is all for now.

Kalisa Acting Out

Kalisa has her own way of acting out. She does do drawings, collages and recently she has been acting out on her fluff page.
To give her "time" on the computer she has a fluff and plays a couple of games on here.
Her fluff pic lately has represented some of her weekends when taken by the perps. Others have expressed how she must feel at the time the pic is made.
Some of them are rather dreary.
I will have to get her fluff address - her fluff is a frog named "baby silbesters"
She named him after a friend that has a zen garden with a little frog in it named Silvester.

Kalisa has been in and out all day today. She is very restless and frightened.
I cant get anything done around here when she does that. And she gets control over the body - she is stronger.

Butterflies

Butterflies- Kalisa's signature. Every picture she makes that is a happy picture she has butterflies on it. And if she emails or writes a "wetter" is has butterflies.

The other day when someone was in here and they messed with my computer -they put a butterfly screen saver on here - every 5 mins. Really nice screen saver- but I wonder if it is to be a trigger for her. That would be a really bad one because I am on here a lot - usually start around 5-6 PM and here till 3-4 AM or longer. Dont sleep any more at night- unless the body is so exhausted then I take sleeping pills. They sometimes dont work but when they do I am knocked out really good.

That really would suck if they are using butterflies to get her to come out.

Raining

It is raining. Kalisa is petrified right now. Rain is a trigger for her. She knows
when it rains she is usually taken by the "badded boyses" and raped .
I cant stop her or them.
She has a stronger personality then me and can just take over and come out if there is a trigger. She was just out and went back in and is trying so hard to stay inside.

But my head hurts so bad with her trying not to come out- I dont think I will be able to stay out and in control - I feel that at any minute I am going to loose the battle - that means she will be taken out in the cold and the rain.
I hope they dont drop her off in the city if they take her tonight. She can never find the "boo door" (blue) of the one person she knows in the city - a safe person to her.

Space Cadet !

Guess there was someone out yesterday and today and I didnt even realize it!

Tried to join on twitter and I guess I did and then I didnt remember the user name! After a friend found it for me, she emailed it!
Dont remember the ending of joining that .
I dont think anyone went any where.

It seems lately that when I take my pain medication (have MS, arthritis, multiple tumors on my spine and presently a kidney stone) the mixture of the pain pill and the DID are really tripping me out!

That never happened before. I wonder what is up?

I know Charlie was out a couple of times lately. He is not an alter that needs to be out. I will have to find some of his art work. He is my "I want to die" alter.

I think he is in his 20's or something like that. Bad character. Needs to stay where ever he hides and permanently forget about coming out

That is just some of the firsts of Charlie's art work. His message of his job is quite clear. And he tried really hard there for a bit. Hasnt been out for a while. Thought maybe he went away.

Kalisa stayed in today which was nice. I was not up to a 4 yr old today. She found some more of her toys. I still have some things packed from moving. I just had too many surgeries right after moving and not permitted to lift over 10 lbs - so the unpacking just isnt getting done. And also I figured out that since I really dont like it here - it means that if all the stuff is unpacked then it is a more permanent thing living here. So I guess that has something with the unpacking.

Sometimes he (Charlie) keeps me awake at night - I stay up all night . Dont go to bed-something bad might happen if I do. He isnt as aggresive now as he was when he made himself first known.

But depression does that to you. You just have something extra to handle then other depressed people - they dont have alters to keep them busy.

Well the brain just isnt working too good today.Too much noise going on up there. They need to settle for the night so I can go to bed.

Thank You

This portion of my blog is dedicated to my therapist or I should say the therapist I had. She is on medical leave herself and most likely will not be coming back.
Being a nurse, I know how many times I wish I had heard those two little words- Thank you. But you never got the recognition of the work or help done by being thanked.

So this is a Thank You to the person who helped me find out where those lost minutes went.
The person who showed me how to handle the hand that was dealt me - me who was unwanted and casted aside.
A person who had healed herself and who now unselfishly was giving and teaching others how to heal. She is a healer and she doesnt even know it.
She helped the broken to be restored and what was once lost be found.
The pain, fear, trust and hope destroyed by another human she understands and worked so diligently and gently to undo what had been done to me as a small child.

She showed her concern in many ways that even my own family didnt. She believed me. She stood up for me in some very difficult times. She tried to help when others didnt or wouldnt. She was always there when I needed to talk to her. She really cared. And that meant alot to me. No one ever was concerned about me before.
I was just left to care for my other siblings - forgotten and unwanted - a 4 year old who had to be an adult, robbed of her childhood, abused, neglected, never knowing what it is like to be loved or to be safe.

She showed me that you can be safe and that you life is worth living. She showed me that you can trust again. She opened up my heart to a whole new and different world.

And even though my abuse is still on going, she taught me that there is still hope - hope that one day people will believe what is really happening to
me and others, hope that one day I will be safe and able to live a life that I have never known in saftey, hope that I will heal from all the abuse and trust others one day, hope that the life I know now will be in my past forever and most of all , not to give upon hope - that there is always hope.

So when my depression gets really bad and things look extremely bleak to me - I remember her words about hope and the times she rescued me from myself and told me that there are people who do care about me and that my life is worth living.

DID is not an easy thing to handle. She knows that and understands.
She is going to greatly missed not only be me but others that she has helped to heal.

Thank you. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for all that you have done for me. It has all been greatly appreciated more then you know.
I wish for you a speedy recover from all you medical problems and that you will soon be back to your old self.

You are very special person. Not many people can do what you do.

Thank you and please take care of yourself. I wish you all the luck in the world and a wonderful and beautiful future for you.

Elizabeth, Kalisa and all the others

Lost in the Cold

I know that Kalisa was "out" last night.
Not only "out" DID wise but also out in the cold.
At least "they" the perps dont take her to the barn when it is this cold but to the "wittle cabins" as Kalisa calls it.
They didnt keep her over night but dumped her off in the city at night.
How she ends up back home I dont know.

I do know that she once again was looking for a friend's house. The one with the "boo" (blue) door. She didnt find it but it looks like she called her on the "wittle phones". (cell phone)

She must not have been very cooperative for them. Her punishment for that is they give her a laxative before dumping her off somewhere. I guess if they cant "enjoy her" then she cant enjoy anything. So they make her life miserable even if she isnt around them.

This body once again has a cold. I guess this winter it will always have one. This apartment is cold and with them taking her out in the cold and dumping her off on such a cold night - it is not surprising.
I wish they would let her alone. My health is failing and I dont know how much "cold" it can handle till I have pneumonia.

I dont know what all they gave her - I know they gave her a laxative but they must have given her something else - the mind is not clear and cant think straight right now.


I know with all the medication I take that it is so easy for them to slip her something. I checked the bottles the other day. There are bottles that should be full that now only have a few pills in them. So it looks like they helped themselves to refill their supply. There are also bottles themselves missing.
I wonder if they have Kalisa bring the bottles to them -

The chain was off the back door this AM when I went to take the dog out. And she wouldnt eat anything this AM - I noticed that her food in the frig was less then what I remembered when I put it in last night.

To bad they didnt put all these books back on the 3 bookshelves! I am in the process of moving them so there are about 300 books laying around right now. And I dont have the energy to finish that right now.
I get so tired of this!

3 AM Creeps

I dont think there has been a nite this week that there have not been prowlers outside my place.
Tonight they have a new tactic - if you want to call it that.

I have a little side porch which has an outside door to this room. This is an old house so the rooms are a little on the weird side and even more so since they split the place up into apartments. I use the porch to store outside stuff since I do not have a little shed or such to store things. (shovel, rake, hose, etc)

Well tonight whoever must want Kalisa - she was out playing her games on here and when she heard the person/persons out on the porch she went into her panic mode and tried to send an email to a friend of hers in hope that that person would keep her mind occupied and off the perps outside. But that person had just signed off for the night!
She didnt know what to do.

They were trying something new - knocking very quietly on the outside door which is only 3 ft from this computer! That door on this side is blocked by a triple dresser.
I guess they couldnt see in the window - there are mini blinds up but tonight I hung curtains over them! All windows are now in the "unable to see inside" mode! Guess the perps dont know what to do about that.
But Kalisa did take a flash light and went outside to look at the porch!

She is so trained to respond!

But I guess when they heard the back door open they fled! That door sticks really bad since they put some rubber insulation around it - there was an inch gap at the bottom and about a quarter in gap on the side - so the maintenance man made it really tight and now it is hard and noisy to open. So a person could hear that door being opened and has time to run!

But they came back! Not once but twice! But Kalisa did not go out to them!

Yahhhh for her! That is a first!
They are so annoying!

They have taken a toy of hers in the past and then come back the next night or weekend (most happens on the weekends) and stand on the other side of the door and taunt her till she opens the door for them and then they either take her or in the past before moving here - did whatever they wanted right there in the house!

The dog barks when they are around - she does not like them. And she is a dog that likes anybody and goes to everyone - but not them. They must have hit her or did something that she is afraid of them.

At least they have left the 4 baby redfooted tortoises alone. They are in a very large "condo" - so they are caged and not out and about. But next summer 2 of them will be old enough to be out for awhile during the day.

They only seem to come around after dark right now. The day time visits have stopped. There are new neighbors and that lady with small children are home all day and in and out of their house. So the day time events have ceased for now. That is good - I guess.

I just hate the "lost time". Kalisa does not like to talk about when they take her and what they have done to her. Sometimes I can tell and guess some of what was done to her because of the aches and pains that the body experiences afterwards. Or the bruises that I find that I dont remember getting. Like ones around the wrists or ankles that you can tell that she was tied up.

This is a picture that Kalisa drew after being taken and tied up outside in the woods. The perp also had a bat or club of some kind and told Kalisa if she didnt do as they ask they would hit her.

At least the last time they took her they didnt take her to the barn! They took her to a one room log cabin. That is the way she described it. She said they left her there and she stayed warm by "throwing sticks in the fires". She knew if she kept the fire going she would be warm and she said that there were a "piles of sticks insideds the cabins".

She is trying to come out right now. I guess I should stop and go to bed for awhile. If she comes out she wont sleep. She just lays there in bed trying not to hear what is going on outside. Sometimes she plays a storybook tape - it is a tape of her friend reading some of her story books to her. It does help her to listen to the story rather then the outside noises.

Some nights the tapes have "saved" her from the perps.

Computer & perps

I hate those perps! I know exactly what I would do if I got a hold of them!
They would be maimed for life!


They like to mess with my computer! They do it by remote access. My desk top is really messed up because of them and now they are messing with this little laptop that a friend was so nice to give me. (She got a new pink one for Christmas last year)


I just spent a half an hour on the phone to Comcast. My main email address would not let me sign in! The guy at comcast gave me a new pass word and then he was able to access it from his end but I still could not sign in. After he had me do a few other things to settings I was then able to sign in.


They also messed with a home site on face book. It was not mine but a gaming friend's homepage - they deleted all their info on their home page! That was last nite. but this AM my gaming friend cked her page and the info was back!

This is the kind of things they have been doing to me for at least the last three years.
They would access the remote access and then find out where I was going if I had sent someone an email and then follow me. Or know if I was at home and come and use a trigger to get Kalisa to come out.


The Assistant District Attorney office got involved with my case when the local police department didnt help me with people coming into my house when I wasnt home. It was obvious that someone was in the house-things would be moved and they even ate my food! The dog and cats would not greet me at the door if someone had been in the house and the chain latch would be unlocked.


My desk top computer was taken to the District Attorney's office to see if they had left anything on the computer. They had it for at least 3 months
When it was returned I was told they didnt find anything on it.
But why would they! The District Attorney was just recently charged with being a pedophile!
So if there was anything on my computer that the pedophiles left on it - I am sure it was removed permantently and I will never know if something was there.


This is just one thing more that I have to put up with on a daily bases.
My health is failing. I dont think the heart procedure did what it was suppose to do. I now have to take extra medicine so I can just sit here at the computer so my hands will work.
I dont sleep at nite because that is when "they" prowl around the apartment I moved into in May.


I had the police out here at 12:45 AM 2 nites ago.
There is an outsidet trap door the leads down to a dirt cellar. I cant put a lock on it because there is a gas meter that needs read monthly by the gas company.
There is an inside door from that cellar that leads up into the room I am now sitting in. I have a bookcase infront of the door. There is not a lock on the door and the landlord will not put one on it.


Two nites ago I noticed a light shining above the bookcase after I turned off the room light. It was midnight and there should have not been a light on down there. The meter man had been here the week before.
So I called the police. They did come faster then the other police department.(I moved to a different township)
They cked out the cellar and turned off the light. They said no one was down there but they think that someone may have been "scoping out" the place and come back.


I think they have already been in here. My camera and a few other items are missing. The items were not all taken at the same time. I
I have changed the locks on the doors.
But this doesnt seem to stop them. The last house I had replaced the locks so many times - I have a door knob collection that I really dont want!

Why cant they just leave me alone!
There is one person who wont even come to my houswe because of them!(perps)
That is theyonly person who believes me - about the DID.
I have absolutely no support from anyone on this - DID.

My therapist took medical leave and doesnt know if she will be coming back to work. I tried to get into another therapist and there just arent that many around that work with DID. There is a 6 to 12 month waiting list.


My psychiatrist "fired" me! Yeah -she "fired" me! She was so rattled that my 40 min appointment lasted 10 mins! She doesnt believe in DID. And she said she "couldnt work with me so I am firing you. OOOPs! I mean I am discharging you from my service because I just cant work with you".


That is exactly what she said. I had only been going to her for the following of medication and my family dr wanted me to go back to her because of all the surgeries I had had and new meds -so I went. After filling her in on the DID stuff- that was when she got rattled. And she thinks she cant handle just hearing about what I go through! She should live just one weekend of my life!
Then she would have something to be rattled about!


So besides just handling the DID and Kalisa can be a handful sometimes - there are other parts of my life that these creeps mess with - and then there is the no support and the non-believers in the professional world - such as the drs and police departments and their superiors. They follow under the "no help" list.


So how is a person to "heal" when all of this is going on every single day?

"littles"

"Littles" at times just seem to pop out when they want to before you learn how to control them or teach them that it is not OK to just appear when they want to.
I really only have one little-Kalisa -who does that. She sometimes just takes over the body. She use to do that alot in therapy sessions as she grew fond of the therapist and learned to trust her.
Now she comes out when she wants to play (she has been provided with her own toys) or sometimes in the toy section of a store. She at one time thought about coming out while driving - that was brought to a very quick halt- and also in dr offices as she thought there was no need to be there and wanted to go home.

I do have other "littles" but they stay inside. They have made their presence known in therapy and through their own art work. But Kalisa is the only one who comes out and has her own personality outside in the world.

She trusts no one. She did trust one person not long ago - but that trust has vanished as that person is basically gone from her life. And that caused her to regress and any undoing of triggers and the very little bit of healing that may have been happening has ceased. She has reverted to her old ways - # 1 rule - trust no one #2 every one lies to you #3 all "bigs" (adults) can not be trusted - funny how she has 2 no trust rules for herself .
She still comes out to play and stays out sometimes longer then she should but her thinking as well as mine is - so what. The "badded" people will still get "us" - they have their ways and they know now that they can get to Kalisa alot easier then before. She has given up trying to be safe because her one and only reason for trying to be safe no longer exist for her. She has no reason to want to be safe. She feels she has no need to be safe. She just doesnt care any more.
She has know from her beginning she was never wanted and that no one cared about her or what happened to her. She said in her own 4 yr old way that her life has not changed any - people make promises and dont keep them, people say words and really dont mean them. People you learn to trust just leave you and dont want to hear what is going on in your life or want to talk to you or with you. You are once again lost and forgotten.
It seems like it is a never ending cycle of the lost and forgotten.

The Lies of Trust

Trust. That is something that "we" do not know. Along with being safe.
People tell you "things" . Sometimes it is just what they think you want to hear and they are not being truthful. You can tell that they are not telling the truth - you seem to have this radar that lets you know.

Who do you trust? No one. That is the safest way to live as a DID person.
You begin to trust a person and then find out that they are only saying things to pacify you. Good way to teach a person NOT to trust you.
And dont count on promises. That word does not exist in my world.

The DID world is am empty, lonely world. You are forgotten. Family and friends treat you like a leper or pretend that you do not exist.
With my medical conditions I could fall over dead at any time and I would lay here for days before some one would think to maybe- and I say maybe think about checking on me. The maggots probably would have already set up household when some one would come by to "see me".

You are not only lonely but also alone. A definite setup for depression.

daily reminders 11.14.08

It seems no matter how hard you try and get away from anything that reminds you that you are a "DID" victim - something - something every day is there to remind you of what you have been robbed of.


No harm intended - but someone reminded me that the new James Bond movie started today. I would love to go and see it - but I cant.

I cant because I cant go into the dark movie theater - all I know is that something happened once in a dark place similar to a movie theater and I am reminded of a trauma that took place in my early years.

What it is exactly - I do not remember. Just that something terrible happened and I cant sit in a movie theater with someone behind me or the possibility of someone walking up behind me in the dark.

Simple every day things like this - DID victims are robbed of the pleasure that other people take for granted. Going to the store is a chore - I hate shopping.
I have been followed to the store , inside the store and back out again by perps.


Even have a picture of one of the perps.
This pic along with the license plate # of the car he was in - along with a pic of the car was given to the police department.
What happened after this was done? NOTHING !!!!!!!!

Absolutely nothing! I was then known as the "crazy lady". Even with my therapist verifying that this did happen (she was there and took the pics) the police still did not believe me that someone was following me let alone taking me (Kalisa) and raping me at their will.


Anything the police were told was heard with deaf ears.
I never received any help from the police department.

As a matter of fact along with medical personnel ( and I hate to admit it being a nurse myself and having worked in the hospital that I was taken to) the police person and the EMTs all stood at the nurses station of the ER I was taken to after being raped one night - stood laughing - yes laughing at me and making fun of me because I was just the "crazy lady" with the multiple personalities.
And this was done in such a loud manner that alot of other people around the area could easily hear what was being said.
This definitely violated my HIPPA rights. And not one person was reprimanded for this.


So not only are every day pleasures robbed from you but you also have to put up with the ignorance of people not knowing what DID is and the proper way to handle situations dealing with "littles" and other alter personalities of a DID person.


I dont know if other DID people find this happening in their lives. But this is how it seems my days go. I guess I just look at DID in my life as another medical problem to handle. Just one of the 30 some medical things that are wrong with this body. I guess I should be happy that there isnt a pill just for DID. That would mean another pill to swallow! That would be more to add to the 40 some pills and 2 shots a day that I take to stay alive!

Some days it doesnt seem worth the bother to swallow all them.
But that would be Charlie talking. He is my "you must die" alter. He has his own art work he has done. When I figure out what happened to the scanner then I can share some of his art work.

Oh well -

11.14.08 mad! mad! mad!

I AM MAD !
Really, really angry! To know that a person takes advantage of another person - especially when they have to resort to using DID to get what they want! That they do not have the courage themselves to use their own brain and act adult enough but prey on a person who has DID and use a 4 yr old personality to get their jollies!


"We" where taken again. Poor Kalisa! She is so terrified right now. She doesnt know who to trust. After what they did to her Halloween night and then taking her again and locking her in a cage.





Kalisa didnt have much to say this last time - she drew pictures and talked a little.


She said that they were going to "dumps mees in de bigs waters". By that she means they were going to throw her in the river.





This is the picture she drew. She said they went in a little boat and they picked her up and held her over the side of the boat.
They are so mean and cruel!


This time around they hepled themselves to my medication. Because of my medical problems I have pain pills and sleeping pills.
Kalisa said that they gave her "boo" ones - blue pills. That would be the sleeping pills. And then they gave her a little white pill. That could have been either a sedative or pain pill. So they sedated her to do whatever they wanted to do to her! The cowards!









This is MY art work of how I feel right now!
Not one of my better "anger" ones but my scanner quit on me.
The creeps!
I am not allowed to "state" on here what I would do to them if I got a hold of their bodies!

after halloween

11.4.08

Well after several weeks of being off in zombie land or where ever it is I go when Kalisa is out and I am not "here" I did get some of what went on while Kalisa was out.

I am going to be brave here and try inserting a pic!

Yeah! I did it ! For someone who is totally computer illerate!

This is the pic Kalisa drew after being "taken" last Thursday by the "badded boyses.

She is either taken to "the barnses, a cabins, the woods or an old houses".

You need to note here the Kalisa makes everything pleural - why I dont know but to her everything has a "s" on the end of it.

In this pic she said that "they" - the baddeds boyses - "putteds hers in a bigs nets." The way she described it it sounded like a large cargo net.

They then suspended it over a "pots of hots waters wiffs fires unders its."

She was naked when in the net and told if she didnt do what they wanted her to do then they would "burn her alive."

Can you imagine what this must do to a four year olds mind? First being striped of her clothes and the hung over a fire?

And after having that done to you - well of course you are going to do what they tell you do ! Which was lay still, no screaming or crying while being raped repeatedly and oral sex.

Then they left her in the barn all weekend and came back and forth as they wished.

Here is another pic she drew of the past weekend.

Kalisa said that after the "badded boyses" left she climbed up a ladder and found some straw. She "built" a house and crawled in it and found a blanket to keep her warm. She said that there were holesin the walls and she could see out them and the wind blew in.

It was cold that weekend.

She was kept there all weekend for them to come and go as they please.

Monday AM was when she was brought back home.