Sunday, December 26, 2010

Need Escape Hatch

This is Crystal. Kalisa is doing her thing at not letting anyone out except when necessary-like to drive. Even at the drs she is out any more. I guess to make sure they dont do anything that she would not approve.

I have asked the main VA dr for a therapist - but it hasnt happened.  He thinks it is because there is NOT one that handles DID.  Want else is new!  I wish I was still in Mburg where there a therapist to go to.  "We" actually miss going to  therapist.

The tortoises "furnace" blew up the other day. Cant complain- lasted 2 1/2 yrs going cont at 90-100 degrees! Guess I would blow up too if I did that for 2 1/2 yrs!  They have a rm heater that is at 84 degrees but they seem sluggish and not really interested in eating.  I go to Johnson City to the dr next week- that is where the nearest pet store is at that has a "furnace" for them. (80 miles !) I guess that can be a belated Xmas present for them!
K is getting the Lily Rose doll from Aston Drakes-you have to send in a reserve card-might not get here till Feb.  And for her B-day she is getting her very own "baby Gracie" doll.  She will be so thrilled when she gets that!

The head has been hurting so bad and the MS is kicking in-I guess because of the snow.  We have a really warm day and then it drops in the teens.  Not a good thing for a person with MS.  Makes your life really miserable.  Even goes over to K who doesnt feel very well when it kicks in.  She always wants her blanky and her mommy.

Elizabeth was able to get out the other day and post here. And Charlie tried to get out but K wouldnt let her. After what Charlie did- got us kicked off the Adult Survivor site after posting there.  K was so upset and still is that she cant put her art there. She feels so lost and alone. And she misses her "mommy".  Wish her "mommy" would just write her a "hello" note. K is starting to get depressed.  She usually just goes with the flow but not lately.

K has fould while doing her polyvore art - that a certain bunny is a "safe thing" to have and that her"Enore pjs and animals are safe things".  She would like that bunny-we will have to see about getting her one. She hasnt carried her lambs around since moving here. Asked her about that and only got a stare.
There is one man who does go around and exposes hims self to young girls-K was walking the dog one night and he did it to the teen girls next door.  They were sitting outside.  He did it as he walk passed them.
There is a known child perp that lives the next street over. K hasnt run into him yet.
She still has the flashbacks during the rain storms-rainstorms I dont think will ever be safe to her.

I wonder if that is why (the rain) when we drove here the very first time while "moving" here from PA -that we lost 2 hrs and got lost 10 miles from here? I still dont know what happened those two hrs and I really dont remember the 8 hr drive(that turned into a 10 hr drive) either.  Would like to know what happened that very rainy drive that day.  Maybe someday we will remember. (sign)
Well K wants to do a "picsure".

Tuesday, November 30, 2010

Sleepy finally...

Well K did a few pics on polyvore and a couple that she "gooed" together and after 2 glasses of lemonade and finishing off a bad of pretzels  she is now ready to quit and try sleeping.
Night mommys-eyes  lubs  yous  berry berry  muchs-es.  Heres  bees a  biggests  bestests  huggs-es  ebers  justeds  fors  yous !

Another sleepless night

Cant sleep again - took some pills to see if they would help.
Between the ft and the mouth (fell with a fork in my mouth over 6 months ago-the prong of the fork went into the gum and it never healed-tunneled up into the cheek and towards the nose and -yes gross-drains blood and pus).  That will be oral surgery-have to be put to sleep for that.
As a child our father took us to a dentist who hit you if you didnt sit still - so this body avoids dentists- and it carries over to Kalisa.  If she knows we are going to a dentist-she wont let ANYONE come out to get us there!
So maybe these pills will kick in soon and we can sleep-I think we are pretty many nights without sleep.....

Monday, November 29, 2010

Watched by Government

To anyone who is a survivor of abuse and thinks they are being watched by the government.......

I was informed of a program the gov has- it originally was created for AWOL soldiers...
but they can pull you up by any bank card, credit card, etc and at that moment can tell where you are by the last transaction of the card- and even if a ATM card - not only can they tell where and exact time- but what you purchased!

And with new phones coming out that are GPS-they can tap very easily into that and know where you are at the exact moment!

Let alone your computer - there are people in the different branches of the government that are called "watchers" - all they do ALL day is watch what is going on on peoples computers- you are flagged if certain words are used several times - and then you are on their list to watch and whether you are a threat.......

How do I know? The host's son was offered a job as a watcher but turned it down (he said after he heard you had to raise your hand to go to the bathroom and escorted in and out the room where he would work) he said that was a little too much for him. That was the Army -then the FBI offered him the same job-turned them down to!

But a buddy of his was trained on the AWOL program and not only ran the son's name, but my name also(they found out that I was at Walmart and what I bought). He was still talking to his buddy when I got home and I was asked if I knew a person - I said yes - It was I person I knew and they ran that person-not only did she come up but came up as "flagged" which means they are watching her on her computer and ALL computers at that address! Why they ran her name-son was thinking of people that we knew -he had heard me say her name several times-they ran alot of peoples names that day - the whole family - ex's - etc. 
Yes this was all done illegally by the guy - he said it was a new program and he was just testing it and just needed names of people to run. 
This was 2 yrs ago!  SO that means that person has been watched for about the last 2 years!

My computer isnt being watched right now-but it was when I was living in PA.
How do I know - the host's son told us. He knew that right after he went in the ARMY both the computer and the phone were being monitored by the gov. Thats when he found out about the "watchers".
Guess Kalisa isnt any interest to them right now.

Probably after this entry- I will be "flagged"!
OH well- hey guys-how about a job? Does it pay good?
So we DO NOT have freedom of speech and we DO NOT have privacy in are homes.

Friday, November 26, 2010

Overheard K conversation

This is Crystal - I over heard K talking to her "babies" today.
She was telling them about the "gov-ment" watching on the computers.  She was saying that her "friend" that they are watching shouldnt write about stuff that makes them watch her- such as the last couple of days about airports and the gov themselves.  That is why she ended up on the watch list.
K was kinda cute "explaining" things to her babies.  Love the way she says big words!

K has been busy with making her "picsures" on ployvore.  She made a "picsure" letter to Santa with what she wants for "Kiss-miss".  I know she would like  a baby Gracie doll but there is another doll we would like to get first.  Have to see if we have enough money to send in the first payment-it is rather expensive but quite unique-we will have to wait and see.

Go to the ft dr on Tues-they should take out the rest of the pins out of the toes. That ft really hurt bad today-pain pills didnt even take care of the pain! Not suppose to walk on it for at least another 6-7 wks.  Right! with K-that is like telling her not to eat a piece of candy after she has it in her mouth!

Well K is telling me I have been out long enough! She is sooo strong when it comes to controlling this body! Till later!

Doing Picsures

Eyes  bees doing  picsures.  Eyes  cants  goes  sleeps a nites  cuz  its  bees  wainings  wreally  wreallys  hardeds  outsideds.
And dats  means  dats  de badded  boys-es  comes  getteds  yous  whens  its  does  dats.
Sews  yous  habes  toos  stays  wakes  sews  deys  nots  getteds  yous.

Eyes  habes  briff-days  cakes  and ice creams.  Its  bees  Franks  briff-days  yeser-days.

Crystals  bees  outs  a whiles  yers-days.  She  madeds  picsures  sews  my new  mommys  knoweds  dats  de  gov-ments  watching  hers  on  hers  wittle  tb  fings.  She  gennas  bees  maddeds  bout  dats.
Butts  de  mans  from  de armys  says  dats  hers  names-es  bees  ons  de wists.
Sews  Crystals  gibes  hers a picsures  sews  she  knoweds  dats.  Eyes  hopeds  dats  shes  sees  de  picsures.
Eyes  gennas  madeds  some  mores  picsures  nows.

Sunday, November 21, 2010

LOst Time

Seems like "we" have lost time again....hours where I (Crystal) do not remember want has been going on in the life of this body.
We had our foot operated on and in a wheel chair because we do not have the strength to do the crutch thingy... did have a split cast on and that was taken off last week and one pin pulled from one toe -still have 2 pins in 2 toes and a plate that will stay in the big toe ... this is all the left foot...
that was the one the "badded boys"ran over a while back.... one time when they took Kalisa and tortured her.
Cant do much..cant walk the dog-just let her out the door and watch that she doesnt run off.  The tortoises like to bite at the dressing that is now on the foot-in a walking cast boot but am not allowed to walk on it for another 8 wks!  Right! Tell that to Kalisa! She is walking on the heel all the time!  She isnt doing too much - the foot hurts too bad to do anything.
Oh here she comes !
My turns-es  now !  Eyes  nots  wrights  heres  ins  a wongs  wongs  times-es!
My  mommys  briff-days  bees  de utters  days.  Eyes  gibes  hers  a briff-days  cards  ons  poly-bores.  Eyes  hopeds  dats  she  sees  its.  Eyes  wishes  she  gibes  mees  a wittles  wetters  or  picsures.

Eyes  writeds  Santa  a wittles  wetters  toos.  Eyes  hopeds  dats  he getteds  its.  Eyes  hopeds  dats  eyes  getteds  my Kiss-miss-es  prizes  dats  eyes asseds  fors.  Eyes  onlys  asseds  fors  one  fings.
It  soons  bees  times-es  fors  turkeys -butts  we  nots  habes  none  dis years.  Cuz  we  bees  toos  poors  and nots  habes  nuff stamps  toos  getteds  ones.
Eyes  justeds  hopeds  dats  eyes  getteds  my  Kiss-miss-es  prizes  dis  years.  Eyes  nots  getteds  nuff-fings  lasts  years.

Eyes  justeds  bees  sews  saddeds.  Nobodys  talkeds  toos  mees  heres  no mores  and no bodys  gibes  me  picsures or nuff-fings.  Eyes  finks  deys  all forgets  bouts  me  now.
Maybees  eyes  makeds  a new  picsures  nows.

Wednesday, September 22, 2010

Agree with others blogs

This is Crystal - I have been reading other blogs on DID and saving the children...
I agreee with what is being said - that we need to stick together - but that means ALL of us  and not one person shunned because of what an alter did and someone else judges that alter and then banish ALL that persons alters from "sticking together" with everyone else- especially others that can help you and support you.
I am more then willing to help another person and support them... but this body also has alters that need support of anyone out there that can help and is willing to  help.
If I knew I could help someone be safe I would do my best to help as much as I can.   And I would hope that if there is a person out there that could help "us" stay save that they would have the courage to do so.
A good ex. of this is Kalisa - she is a very vulnerable 4 yr old alter that takes controll alot of the time.
She needs support of others as far as the right thing to do ...and needs alot of reminding....
I am only 16 yr old and an alter...I need support of others because  all the other alters and host of this body decided that they are no longer going to care for this body and left me to do so... being 16 and having to do an adults  job all the time and then Kalisa - well thats alot for me to do sometime and I need the support.

We are no longer going to get therapy because there isnt any insurance to cover it any more - "We" are on our own.  It is really tough some days and I feel like throwing in the towel but I know I cant desert Kalisa -
we need everyones support!

Thursday, September 9, 2010

Feeling Sad and Lonely

Dis  bees  Kawesa.
Eyes  wishes  my  mommys would says  hi's  toos  mees.
Eyes  bees  sews  saddeds  she  nots  talkeds  toos  mees.
Eyes  misses  hers  sew  berry berry  muches.
Eyes needs  toos  gibes  hers  a huggs-se  and eyes  cants  does  dats  cuz  eyes  bees  sews  berry  brrys  fars  aways.
Eyes  just  bees  sews  saddeds  and  feeleds  sews  baddeds.
Ebens  picsures  nots  makeds  mees  feeleds  betters.
Its  bees  sews  longeds - why  cants  she  bees  nots  maddeds  ats  mees  no  mores?
Eyes  nots  does  nuff  fings  baddeds.
Please  mommy-  talkeds  toos  mees?  Please ?

Wednesday, August 25, 2010

Need another operation !

Well this is Crystal.
We met "our" new primary care dr yesterday- a VA dr. And today went back to the hospital in Tenn. about this foot that doesnet want to heal.
Will need another operation !  And possibly be in a cast for 3 months !  Didnt like the sound of that! Neither did Kalisa !
Things just dont seem to be going our way alot here lately !
No new therapist - not driving 80 miles to go to a therapist ! And that is only one way !
So we are destined to live in "our" own little world forever !

Saturday, July 31, 2010


Kalisa is very sad...and a new split of her ..Katie has made her presence known. She likes to destroy things!
Kalisa has done very well with the new drs. Not good news for the foot. Possible surgery and in a cast for up to 3 months!
Kalisa has taken over again-most of the time...her diet is ice cream and candy!
She would be so happy if only that one person would just say hi to her.
There will not be therapy because of having to do a 2 hr drive to go to a therapist.
Our therapy will be only polyvore and maybe reading some books.
Open to any reading suggestions from anyone - any good books that will help us !
Here we thought we would get a new therapist...
it is really disappointing not getting one,

Thursday, July 29, 2010

Betrayed !

We just signed in on here and found out that our therapist who said she retired is now starting to see clients!
Kalisa feels so hurt and betrayed!
We still DO NOT have a therapist and will not be seeing one because we would have to drive 80 miles one way !
Not feasible! And in the winter wouldnt be able to make it there most of the time because of the weather !
She could at least talk to her once in awhile (here on the computer-just a note with Hi in it or comment on her pics once in awhile)- or at least let her call her phone and hear her voice even if she couldnt leave a message.
All of this is so unfair !
Not a good state of mind to be in before a surgery.
She just doesnt know how much this would help K - help her state of mind, depression that she is in - and just K's whole state of being !
Why wont she consider this? To understand this might help K heal.....
What do we do ?
She knows she is the only one that can help K..........

Sunday, July 25, 2010

Weekend rain

So what else is new!  Always rains on the weekend! Poor K never seems to get a break on the weekend!
She did a real nice hairdo awhile ago!
She wont go and get a hair cut since all the head surgery - says  "dey pulls  my heads-es  whens  dey cuts  its" - so she refuses to get it cut.  So therefore it is the longest it has been in many years!
But it is hot on the neck and she must have been bothered by it so she took some large hair clips and just clipped it all over-up off the neck!  Some hairdo!  But then it was a 4 yr old style!  Good thing she cant make rubber bands work in the hair!  Hate to see what that would look like if she could.

Well there wont be a therapist - thought we would get one - but would have to drive TWO  hrs to see one.
That is not practical.  So back to no therapist.  So we will be DID forever!
Terry peeked out the other day.
Brandon-her 9 yr old grandson has Aspergers syndrome. An ADHD.  He has such a hard time in school. (school starts here in 3 wks)   And Evan her 4 yr old grandson is showing signs of both.
How does the saying go ? God doesnt give you more then you can handle?
But when does it ever stop?

When do we get help that we need?
How are we to help them when we need help and support that we dont get?
We lost alot of support when we got cut off the adult survivor site - miss talking with some of the people
on there.  Wish we could still be a part of the group.  It was nice belonging to a group that understands you.
Still is unfair that one single person is allowed to judge you and decide for a whole group that they can do that to you.  The people that are still faithful to us also found it unfair.
She did to us what the rest of society does to us every day.

Well it stop raining - K wants out..........

Sunday, July 11, 2010

No Sleeping

With this back pain there is no sleeping... too painful to lay on the side we always sleep on and cant fall asleep on the other side.
Causing shoulder pain, neck pain and more head pain.
K is even feeling that pain..she usually doest feel the body pain but she does this time.
They are making a back brace - wonder how long it will take and how long we will have to wear it-having a count of 4 in vit D and cant take calcium because of kidney stones - it will take forever to heal !
Like the broken foot - still not healed and only getting worse !
This body is just giving out !
Guess maybe it will give out before the mind !  Maybe not - who knows - this pain may win !

Saturday, July 10, 2010

New Doctor

This is Crystal.
We went to the VA hospital in Tennessee Thursday.  That is where we have to go now- there is a doc here closer but we had to go there for meds.  We were soon out of those 50 some pills we take daily to stay alive.  ( humph.. but what for?).
We couldnt get an appointment here till the end of next month so we were told to go to the ER at the VA to get prescriptions fills.  That was an all day affair !

Kalisa was good-took in EVERY thing !  I dont think she missed one fly on the wall !
It was a very long day - with the 2 fractures in our back  it was an extremely painful, long day !

The ER doc was a civilian - was really nice and helpful.  Kalisa scrutinized him carefully ! But she stayed in !

Tonight we had a really bad rain storm - again !  And there is also that same trigger - the cigarette smoke at the bedroom window!
I had wished that this was a thing of the past and not have to worry about it here !  But no such luck !
The only thing here - there are 2 more dogs in the house and they all bark when someone is around outside (Annie - a welsh corgi and Eva - a chihuahua and then there is Tierra a 6 lb poodle).
So when all 3 get to barking - you know the person outside hears them and leaves !
But I wish they would just let Kalisa alone.

Thursday, July 8, 2010

Been bothering me......

This is Crystal- since the day in April when we moved ... something has been bothering me - maybe if I tell about it it wont bother me so much.
I remember packing up the car and it was around 2 AM that morning ( a bad time for us because the preps where usually around that time of the AM )  but after getting into the car I do not remember the next 10 hours - even though we ended up in Norton, VA ( the next town over from Wise maybe 10 miles over) but going the wrong way - out of town - so we called Frank and told him we where lost.  He got us turned around and we found our way to "our new house".
I dont remember stopping for gas- which we would have twice and stopping to potty the dog - which would have been when we stopped for gas.  Also the drive only takes 8 hrs  not 10 hrs !!!!
Also it seemed as though the car seat had been moved back!  So that would mean someone else drove my car!
So how did I get the 8 hrs down the road?
Who got me there?  How did I get there-here?
That is what is bothering me.....
What happened to me ?  Those 2 extra hours?
Did the perps know I was leaving and get Kalisa and have a "last 2 hrs " with her?
Do they know where I am now?
There are times when there is the smell of cigarette smoke outside my bedroom window since we moved here-that is a trigger for her...I dont think she has gone out......but then......
And the rain storms here are fiercee ones- harder and more lightening and thunder....they are really really bad!
Another trigger for Kalisa... but at least there are not any train whistles!
I wonder what happened ????

Monday, July 5, 2010

Explain this to me -

Cause and effect - everyone knows about that one...
Synchronicity - well everyone experiences it ...but are not always aware if they are not a sensitive person..
Empathy - well not everyone has that experience of feeling what others do at the same time.....

But what I want to know is this...
A person with DID usually is a very sensitive person to their surroundings....but are alot of DID people empathic?
Like Kalisa?  Her and that "siber fred" (silver thread)  that connects her to her new mommy ....the way she has the same pains and hurts on the same days.......
Or is it connected by a different way? Not empathy but connected with that silver thread and sometimes are as one?
Kalisa can astal project ......
Are DID people more apt to have some kind of psychic whatever?
Oh- this is Crystal asking.
I was just wondering about this...
Can anyone answer this for me?

Hi !

Dis bees  Kawesa !  Beff-knees (Bethany)  doing the numbers fors  me. (letters)
Eyes  putted  all  my  gwhrils  babies  ins  der   berry  puritys  dresses!  Deys  all lookeds  boo-fuls!
Jonthin(Jonathan)  nots  bees  in  de wrights  clothes-es  cuz  his  clothes-es  bees  in  de  biggeds  closets  and  eyes  nots  can  getteds  toos  dems  wrights  now.  Maybees  a morrows  eyes  cans  getteds  toos dems.
Eyes  finks  dats  eyes  bees  gettings  a nutters  new  babies.  Eyes  hopeds  dats  its  bees  de ones  eyes  lubs  de  mosteds!

Crystals  bees  wheels  nices  toos  mees.  She  helpeds  putteds  alll our stuffs aways and it  bees  wheres  eyes  cans  finds  its.
No bodys  calleds  on  de wittle  phonses  sinces  we  mobeds  here.
Tierras(Tierra - the 6 lb poodle)  maded  friends  wiff  Ebas (Eva)  de wittle  doggie that Ebans (Evan)  has.

Eyes  not  makeds  no friends  here.  De all bees  means  kids  round  here.  Deys  beateds  ups  Brandons  de utter days  when he bees  widing (riding) his bikes.  Sews  eyes  nots  habes  no  friends  here  toos  pways  wiffs.  No bodys  toos  talkeds  toos  knee-vers.
Sews  eyes  justs  makeds  picsures  on  polys  bores.

Friday, July 2, 2010

My Turns-es !!!

It bees  my  turns-es  heres  ons  de wittle  tb  fings !
Eyes  habes  toos  shares  my wittles  tb  fings   now  wiffs  ebery bodys  elses.  Sometimes-es  eyes  nots  getteds  a turns-es.  Dats  nots  bees  fairs !

Eyes  nots  bees  habings  a  berry  goodeds  nites  wiffs  my  games-es.  (big sigh)
Eyes  finks  its  bees  cuz  der  bees  fire  cackers  outsideds.  Eyes  fings  may bees  its  bees  cuz  dey  (the firecrackers)  bees  makings  sews  muchs-es  noises  dats  dey  de-stir-bits   mees  finkings  bouts  my  games-es  and dats  bees  whys  eyes  nots  dews  sews  goodeds.

Maybees  eyes  just  goes  and  makeds  some picsures.

Wednesday, June 30, 2010

A Wish

Wish "our" life was normal - but then again"we" dont even know what "normal" is !  Never have had a normal life.
Right now "we" are still fighting the side effects from the 2 brain surgeries we had.  That side of our whole face still swells- bad enough that the eye even swells shut!  And that is from just bending over too much and or doing too much lifting.  It will stay like that for about a week or two and then slowly go down.  Hurts like the dickens also !
Then to top it off the injury to the gum on the same side (fell with a fork in my mouth and the prong of the fork went into the gum) and that is now infected and also swollen !  I drain that just about every day.  It had tunneled from the area of the injury up above the gum towards the nose.  SO it drains pretty good at times!
The one dr said that it ia a surgery thingy- have to have it cut opened and drained and packed!
What fun!  Kalisa said no to that!  So it will be fun having it done.

She is still all out of sorts!  Most of her babies are out in the bedroom now.  Still have a few more boxes to unpack-but with the face swelling- it has been slow going.  Unpack some-wait till the face goes down and then unpack some more.  Maybe in another month it will all be unpack.

The other day while on polyvore doing some art therapy- a set of twin alters made themselves known-but they didnt do any art.  They are around 9 yrs old-girls.
Kalisa says it is scary around here.  Lot of mexicans here- a meth lab in the one trailer across the street, guns going off at night, people smoking pot outside the bedroom window, and that sort of thing going on here.
Is that considered having a normal life?
What is considered having a normal life?  I am Crystal - writing this.  I never had to be the alter that did major things.  Wish the person who doesnt want to write to us would.
She could give her opinion or advice - just as one person to another.  That would help.
I need someone to talk to. Just another person who understands what goes on with a DID life.

Saturday, June 12, 2010

Thought it would be safe here....

Oh well, guess the fantasy world is up now!  Thought we would be safe here.

Two nights ago - gun shots right outside the door! Not just once but twice!  The poor dogs had to hold everything till the AM to go out!  Poor things!
K was besides herself!  She said "they" were coming to get her and take her away and lock her in jail again!
There is this one creepy man that is always walking around and outside when the dogs are walked.  Dont know if he is good or bad-K doesnt say anything about him.  She does comment on some of the kids that are playing outside at times.  She says that some of them are not "goodeds  kids-es".  I gave up asking her how she knows things like that.
But I have learned to trust her word on people and things that happen or will happen.  She is spooky that way...the psychic things she has about her......

We have been going through the art work on polyvore and putting them in collections-some of them trigger K....we have 29 more pages of them to "file".
Then I hope they can be filed as they are done.  The same with the pics that have been saved- now there are quite a few pages of them to sort through!

Well k is coming out.....

Wednesday, June 2, 2010

Profound Observation by K

This is Elizabeth - I know I havent been around much-but there really hasnt been a need for me to be out.
But I just thought I would make this entry after observing K after Crystal read her a book- it was just a 150 page story. K picked out the book herself.

After the end of the book K had such a serious but puzzling look on her face that Crystal ask her what was wrong,
And K said (for the sake of the readers I will "spell" words correctly here rather then in K's way)
"Thats be just likes me and my mommys!  They had a gold thread and me and my mommy have a silver thread!  And I llike that their thread never can be broken just like me and my mommys! And it is just like a rainbow-it stretches as high and as wide as one and never can be broken!"
K was referring to the bond a mother and child has - which was stated in part of this story and also referring to her bond with her mommy.

Then the story went on about forgiveness, love and understanding.
Crystal had to explain to her what an "ego" is.
And then K understood what was meant by it is difficult for a person to forgive because of a person's ego - because a person can be afraid of being hurt again. This is what this story was about.
That a person needed to become like a little child- trusting, loving and forgiving.
And after that the ice in your heart melts away and you can find a peace that maybe you have never had.
This is what K ask if this is what was meant by the story.  Those were not K's words but this is what she meant.

Then K said " Sews  dats  means-es  dats  eyes  needs  forgibes  my  mommys  cuz  shes  bees  sews  maddeds  ats  mees -wrights? "
Crystal told her yes. 
The K said "Buts  eyes  nots  bees  maddeds  ats  my  mommys  buts  eyes  forgibes  hers  fors  beings  maddeds  ats  mees.  Sews  dens  yous  finks  dats  ifs  eyes  sends  hers  nice  warm  huggs-es  dats  her  hearts  ices  getteds  melteds  and dens  she  gibes  mees  wittle  wetters  agains?  huh?
She  gibes  ebery bodys  eleses  wittle  wetters  wiffs  de  picsures - sews  dens  she  gibes  mees  wittle  wetters  wiffs  picsures."
Crystal just gave a big sigh.
K went on to say "De  wittle girls in de story  sayeds  dats  de  wady(lady)  bees  stuckeds  wiffs  hers  sews  eyes  guesses  dats  my  mommys  bees  stuckeds  wiffs  mees!  Dats  bees  cuz  eyes  lubes  my mommys  berry berry  muchs-es!"
So much for reading storys to K !

Sunday, May 30, 2010

Kalisa and the Move

Kalisa is not taking to the move to VA very well.
Between being sick and the still post surgery of the head -the whole left side of the face is swollen, including the eye being swollen shut and the pain!  Pain pills dont even touch the pain!  And then there is the heart- heart pain is bad.....
"We"  still do not have our things unpacked-cant lift or causes more swelling in the face and chest pain....
Several new alters have revealed themselves in the poly art.... other then that they have not reveled much

The thunder storms here are something else! Being right on top of the mountain-the noise of the thunder shakes the whole place when it booms!  Even the dogs run!  Kalisa hates them!

We found out that there is one perp here in the trailer park- 2 streets over.  So far nothing has happened-we have been told he keeps to himself and I hope that is stays that way! According to here on the computer there are only 12 perps here in town - compared to the 30 in the area we moved from.
I hope K will be safe.

K feels very insecure being so far away from her "new mommy".  K can astral project.  And she has been doing it alot lately.
Also the no sleeping at night is back - the first 2 wks here - "we" actually slept at night.  Now we are back to the no sleep in the dark.  K waits for the sun to come up and then goes to sleep.  She doesnt feel safe-and what she feels usually is right on target!  So I dont know.

Wish she had a therapist.  But then again - I dont know if she would trust another one to come out and talk to them.  She was traumatized from the last one.  And she hasnt even begun to "get over" that. It is a trust factor. 

K did - at first after the move- came out at night only- played in the bath tub- even found her bath tub crayons - but drew pics of her mommy's house and stuff like that.  Changed some of her babies outfits and played with the kids.  But she has been quiet lately - I think she is receding inside...that leaves me to take care of the daily things.....I dont want that job(this is Crystal)
I wish Elizabeth would come back out and take over like she use to.

Got an email about Terry's(the host) father.  He was put on Hospice -probably will be gone by July.  That means driving back to PA for a funeral.  I dont like them things either.  Had to go to one for an aunt not too long ago.  All kinds of people that I didn't know that talk to you-had to pretend that I knew what was being talked about.  Guess  either I fooled them or they thought I was in out space!
I can think of alot better things to do then go to a funeral!  I hope this will be the last one I have to go to!

Well the sun will soon be up and K will go to bed then. Even though I am out - K is still there very much in the back ground controlling the body - not letting it slow down and go to sleep.
I wonder if and when she will stop this and just let the body do its normal thing- sleep at night ?

Tuesday, May 18, 2010

Kalisa depressed

Kalisa is depressed over the move to VA.  Her dolls still are not "in place" and the rest of her things remain packed.  She has had a fever lately and thinks she needs to go to "Dr Julie".  Hate to tell her but "Dr. Julie"
is a thing of the past.  I dont know how she will like going to a male dr.  Havent told her that yet.
The eyes are off here lately also.  Between the diabetes and the MS......
Alters have been quiet .............
Art work slow............

Sunday, May 9, 2010

Update on Us

Well our move still is having an impact on "us".
Having to worry about the remainder of our things in PA - most of our clothes are still there- we have 3 pairs of shorts, some jeans and t-shirts here - and some PJs but the rest of the clothing are in the storage in PA,  Makes for lots of wash to do with only the few out fits we have.
K did find all her "babies"  they are out of the containers but not in their "beds" yet.  She did change a few of them - their outfits. Her toys are in storage here - our room is not put together yet.

We have been sick most of the time since we got here- doing a little bit better right now.
Still not sleeping nights-thunderstorms real bad here. K has fits over them!  The wind whips around and the noise scares her- then the lights go out and that makes for a new fright for her and the rain.  She wanted to know last night if the bad man was doing that.  I dont know if I convinced her it was the storm that took out the electricity.

There have been a few new alters appear during the polyvore art work. They have just made themselves known but havent revealed anything about themselves.  And we have discovered a few new worlds....
Well K wants to do her thing here-

Eyes  finks  eyes  wants  a goes  backs  toos  de utter pwaces  eyes  wived(lived)  ats.  Eyes  nots  knoweds  ifs  eyes  wikeds  its  heres.   Eyes  wikeds  de witteds  doggies  -Ebas(Eva)  buts  eyes  nots  knoweds  ifs  eyes  wikeds  any fings  eleses.
Eyes  misses  my  new  mommys  berry berry  muchses  and  nows  she  bees  sews  fars  ways....  eyes  cwrys  awots  a timeses  cuz  eyes  misses  hers  sews  berry  muches.
Eyes  wishses  dats  she  justs  gibes  mees  a wittles  wetters  and  justs  says  hi's  toos  mees.
Eyes  finks  ifs  eyes  justs  keeps  lubbings(loving)  hers  dens  maybees  some  days  she  says  hi's  toos  mees  agains.

Monday, March 22, 2010

Temper Tantrum !

Oh that child!  Kalisa doesnt want some of her toys packed to move! She wants to take them in the car!
But with the dog in her car seat (yes she has a car seat and really spoiled !) in the front seat, and the tortoises in a large bin in the back seat, with the bin of medical stuff we have to take with us - cant go in the moving truck, a suitcase, and groceries that are here in the house and the computer - there isnt room for toys!
They are all things given to her by her "new mommy", except the doll. It wasnt given to her by her mommy - but the other things were.

She actually was having fun packing things till it was time to do her things.  We are just going room by room and her things are next ! She now has them in a little pile- if you want to call it that-all together and gaurding them!

It is so hard to do this packing- she comes out and does her thing and packing sometimes doesnt get done.  If the others could come out - maybe in three  8 hr days everything would be packed- with the exception of what we need to use till moving day!  I hate this!  And once we get to where we are going- it will just as bad unpacking!  She will have children to play with and the unpacking will never get done!  HELP !

She doesnt listen to any of us- she only would listen (90 %) of the time) to her new mommy.  she would do this so her new mommy would be happy or proud of her - now there is no mommy here and things are
just "all Kalisa's way!"
Sometimes she is so irritating and stubborn! 

You would think she would want to pack her things and get down there so she could play with Brandon and Evan.  And be safer - not living alone any more.  But no - she just has to have those things out where she can see them all the time.  They are all in plain sight - if you want to call it that!
What am I going to do ?  Wish I could ship her to her "new mommy" for awhile!

New mommy is going back to Italy in May - and hoping to get married then.
At least that is what K says. But K isnt suppose to know that. But K and new mommy have a connection- at least K does with mommy.  I dont know if it works the other way- new mommy with K.
But K knows when new mommy is happy or sad- she warned her to be caeful right before her car accident,
K just knows things that are happening about her mommy - it is weird- like she is mentally connected with her. They even pick out the same pics on ployvore on the same day and even about the same time and even end up making the same theme in the pics!  Weird!  Really weird!
I dont know why K has this.......

I guess that is why she is so upset that her new mommy has deserted her!  She doesnt want any contact at all from K!  Totally broke K's heart when she did that!
All because of another part-Charlie-who causes trouble - and that is what Charlie did!
But new mommy took it out on K.  Not fair but that is what happened!

Well there is a part that wants to come out and color- even know what picture they want to color!
So I guess it is thier turn out while K is having her tantrum!

Friday, March 19, 2010

Their Back !!!!

Well after feeling that "we" were once safe and sound..... (this is Crystal)   I guess you should never let your guard down!
Guess if we had a therapist - she would have told us that...... lesson learned.... all on our own !  but would have been nice if there would have been someone to tell us to watch and warn us !

Possibly  "they are back"  or someone elsse has now taken over the main bad man's place. (he dropped over dead in a fit of rage one time the bad boys snatched k and took her to the little cabin - with her broken foot! K said he was ranting and raving at the bad boys and his face turned bright red and he dropped over dead!)

About 2 weeks ago after "we" were done on polyvore and went to turn off the computer - the caption boxes under the desktop icons- or whatever they are called - changed color! They were a lite blue- but when i went to turn off the coomputer... they now were a what was called a seafoam green....pretty but didnt go with the blue background.
Two days ago when I went to turn off the computer (was on ployvore once again) the desktop background was now a CHESS BOARD !!!!!!    TRIGGER- TRIGGER- TRIGGER.... BIG  TIME !
it is now all back to what is was before - whoever was messing with the computer is doing it once again! Or someone from that group!

This is why the district attorneys office had this hard drive for a year!  Someone was doing that remote thing with it  but the DA office said they didnt find anything..... but why would they?  He - the DA - was assrested (while they had this hard drive) for child abuse !!!!!!!!
And now it is starting up again !

Glad we are moving!  Dont think they will come that far to get K!
Hope there arent any perps  that find out about her once we move.
There are 23 perps(child abuses/molester) right here in town!  One lives 2 doors down!  But the other 22  live within a 10 block radius!

Where we are moving I think there are 12 in a 20 mile radius.  But we will not be living alone - moving in with the host's 35 yr old son, 9 & 4 yr old grandsons and 2 more dogs!
Here we live by ourself and the 6 lb poodle - which I think the perps had befriended.  Sometimes she barked and sometimes when they were around she didnt!

Well so much for being safe the last few weeks we are here!!!!!  SH*****T !!!!

Wednesday, March 17, 2010

The Move

This is Crystal .....a very tired Crystal.
Yesterday I started to pack the 4000 books that Terry has - I DIDed out some where along the line but most of the books got packed.

But the poor little tortoises!  The "other" part that ended up packing the books- unplugged the baby torts light and heater!  They didnt get too cold - went down to 77  - needs to be in the high 80's.  So today I rearranged things and they now have heat nad light !  Cooked them yellow squash - hope they like it!

Kalisa is having a rough time.  She doesnt want to pack her "babies".  But we cant take them in the car- we have to have the dog in her car seat in the front- all 4 tortioses in a container on the back seat - along with a big plactic tote of all the medicines, jewelry, important papers, a suitcase of clothes and the computer of course!  So there wont be room for the "babies" in the car!  She wont even pack her toys!

Right now she is thinking about doing pics on polyvore.  I need that Arnie S. part to come out and finish the books!
Still have about 500 to pack.  And then all the fragile stuff in the that huge curio cabinet and on the book shelfs!  That will be about 8 of those big plastic totes!  Then it will be just about packed!
We hope to out of here by the 9th.
Then it is an 8 hour drive!  Havent dont that in 3 yrs!  Been too sick to do that long drive!
But where there is a will - there is a way!
Oh - I think I need a rest!

Friday, March 5, 2010

Locked in 4 yr old mind

This is Crystal - (I am 16 yr old part)
I have come to the conclusion that maybe Kalisa has it made.  She doesnt have to handle the everyday stuff - I should say the everyday life stuff....I can see why people have the problems they do.... I liked just being the "me part" and only having to handle the "part" stuff.

Everyday life sucks!   I can see why Terry (the host) and Elizabeth - the main adult part that took over after Terry went on her permanent "vacation" (as K calls it)  ducked out !
Elizabeth thought it isnt worth the hassle anymore since K only has to survive everyday living - E did the driving and the bills and doctor stuff.
But since there isnt any therapy - of any kind to go to - and since the president and the state took away our medical insurance - that means NO doctors - no money to go to them! "We" owe about $4000.00 in dr bills for last year... What do you do when you dont have the money to pay them?  I mean I am asking the question as a question.... What do you do?  I mean - I dont know.
We got the food situation conquered yesterday - went to a church and they will give us food for the next 3 months.  So we got that figured out.

Had to do a car inspection the other day.   Had no idea what the guy was talking about - only knew that used our food and electric bill money to get the car inspected.

K just "takes care of her babies" (life like dolls)  She thinks that they are really real!  And treats them that way.  She has her 4 "torgues-es" (tortoises) and the dog.  She plays on polyvore and Facebook with her "fluff" and is content. 

Now last week - this poor body was soooooo   sick!  "We" had to get the IV for 3 days for the MS flare up -it is like getting a chemo treatment.  We got so sick from it this time around.  Other times we didnt get that sick at all.  K actually stayed in - only came out to try and I say try to eat  some cookies or something like that.  Came out a couple of times while watching "the babies getting borneds" on TV.  She still is trying to figure out how they get in there!  Remember the t trying to explain that to her - could tell that the t never had any kids!  lol

Just wish K's "new mommy" would just send her a "hi" or make her a pic on poly for her - would get her out of the depression she is in.  I feel she owes K that much.

"We" are always going to exisit.  "We" are never going to get the opportunity to "heal"  - this body will go out of this wold in  its present DID state because there just isnt any help out there for us to do the necessary healing.  In a couple of weeks the body turns 56 - and with the present health state of the body "we" dont have that opportunity of time - to get and have necessary healing.
At least there is no more abuse - since the bad man "droppeds  obers deadeds" as K says.  That was in Nov last year.
So now it is bad memories and all the alters....

We did find out thate Charlie - the "I want to die " part - is female not male.  We and the t thought it was male.
And there is Willow, Autumn, Emily - new child parts that have made themselves known on polyvore.
I wonder how many other parts there are?

Oh well, I guess I complainded enough for awhile............

Tuesday, February 16, 2010

Just More Crap!

More snow!  This body cant take the cold any more! Kalisa likes the snow-but then what 4 yr old doesnt like it!
We forgot to make an appointment for our blood work!  Been sooo tired! And mind very confused lately! Alters jumping in and out- I know that makes you tired but I wonder if I need blood?  Need the IV steroids for the MS- cant see- the eyes goes first on me-I just pretend to see where I am going! lol  Just so they dont go like the one time- woke up and was totally blind in one eye!  Waited too long that time for the IV !
Need to call for the lab work and the IV.

Several new alters have appeared here lately- wonder who they are and what they do?????

At least K isnt being taken any more.  Not nice to say that it was a good thing that the bad man "dropped ober  deadeds!" as K says. There is still one bad boy that drives by sometimes when the dog goes out- black truck - big one - fairly new.  He slows down but that is all.  Also a little black car goes by- doesnt  belong around these parts- slows down but nothing else. K doesnt say anything about the car but when the truck goes by she will say "thats bees a baddeds boys".  And the little black car just gives you a bad feeling when it goes by.
Hey anybody out there have any reading material suggestions on how to help us? Open for suggestions....

Sunday, February 14, 2010

Valentines Day

Wish we could say that this was a day with good memories for "us".  But it is just another day with nothing that has ever happened to us that was good nor anything good happening today.
Might have to give in and go to the ER for the broken toes - they are just getting worse and hurt so bad - cant sleep.
The pyramid complex world which is being revealed just gets more and more complex to figure out - so many different levels -
K has been quiet - I guess because of the pain we are having and the fact that she is sooo  depressed that she cant call her mommy any more.  I dont know how to help heal her- that is beyond my knowledge and know how.  She once again has been deserted by a known good big - dumbed - left to the wolves.
External bads may not be around but there are still internal bads to handle. And I dont know what to do -
decisions need to be made..... I am only 16.... how do I decide if the decisions I make are the right ones?
Elizabeth needs to come around again.... but she seems to have disappeared just like the host did.
Sometimes I think it would just be good to go to sleep and never wake up.......................

Wednesday, January 20, 2010

Bitching Time !

This is Crystal and it is time to bitch!
What do I have to bitch about? EVERYTHING !!!!!
Especially since I am not of the real time world and only a part!
Just took me 30 mins to fill up a 28 day pill cassette!  All those pills and for what?  Just to do it again in 28 more days!

And things are only getting worse!  Now they want $3000.00 for the first bag of pills since the new year started! "We"  dont even make that much in one month!  And "our" file has been flagged at drs offices since we owe them so much money (around the $4000.00 mark)  And things are getting skimpy at the food bank- I mean we are very greatful for the food we get there- the only food we have  since Prudential took our disability ck and that is until March of NEXT year! Dont know what we are going to do when the pills run out- cant afford them - dr said it would be about 2 wks and then we might be dead without them.(she said that the time when they thought K wasnt taking meds-she was but no one bothered to stop and ask her)

The pain is getting worse and I get tired of taking all those crappy pain pills- I dont know why I am still here-
I was told - oh about 8 yrs ago - that this is this body's last time for an earthly life - that "we" have supposedly learned all the lessons that we needed to learn and that we would not be coming back to earth to learn any more??????  That is if you believe that - I am not sure about that - or anything for that matter right now! And why "our" inner wisdom right now is reminding us of that?  Questions- lots and lots of question!
But when do you get the answers? Where do you go to find them?  Who is the right person to help you find the answers to these kinds of questions?
People just look at you like you are nuts when you ask these kinds of questions!  Then they want to "lock" you up!  "Go to jail"  as Kalisa calls it.  And they didnt do anything for you there!  The food was crappy, they didnt let you sleep at night, didnt give you the right meds that you were to have and wouldnt even let you go outside!  And then when they did let you go outside - there were 12 ft high fences all around!  Just like jail! Guess K had the right idea there!

Then I look at my poor animals! Dont know what I would do without them-they are the only reason for etting out of bed- and the dog the only reason for going out the door! Was thinking about that tonight.  I need to start a "doggie" fund for when something happens to Tierra.  Even a dog from the pound costs you a couple hunred dollars!  Has to be a little dog - next one very low grooming maintance- thinking about a teacup chihauhua next time around.
Now the "torgus-es" (tortoises) as K calls them - they claim they live to 50 yrs old - so they will out live me.
They are cute to watch and they do have their own personalities!  I feel for them since it is so cold.  They are from the tropical forests- but I hvae had them since they were 6 wks old.  Two of them will be 3 yrs old and the other 2 - 2yrs old come May.  The 2 little guys will no longer have to be in their"condo" come May.  They can be out roaming around like the other two.  That will be nice.

Oh well - body going to hell- falling apart - need hearing aids, going blind, lame - just think - if I was a horse they would just shoot me and put me out of my misery!  Been telling my dr that for the past 6 yrs!  Just take me around the corner to the nearest corn field and shoot me!
Well I guess I should just let K do some pics on "poly-four"  as she calls it.  Now she has it made. Four yrs old and her only worry is that her new mommy wont tal to her.  Her new mommy doesnt realize how much her not talking to k affects this poor old body.   The healing process is a whole lot faster when K is happier.  That we noticed last operation- I dont know what will happen when it comes to a more major one- heart dr still wants to do some work - I said to wait to warmer weather.  Who knows - maybe we will be dead by then!

Well I guess I bitched enough for now - K - its all yours! Go for it! Have fun making pics!
Sorry but i am not even goiing to correct any mis-typed whatevers!

Thursday, January 14, 2010

Poor Kalisa

For those who have not read earlier posts- "we" live only 1/2 block from the fire department.....
sirens going off all night and all very close by - the fires.......
K is beside herself...... she thinks they are coming to get her and take her to "jail"......."jail" to her is the psych ward.
A year ago "we" were held - against our will - just because a dr said we took up his time so therefore we were going to be admitted whether we needed it or not - to a psych ward.  So once in awhile when K gets real anxious - she gets really beside herself some nights with all the sirens.  And I guess tonight is going to be one of them.
Her "new mommy" use to let her call her and just leave a voice mail - she wont let her do that anymore...... it use to calm her down to where we wouldnt have to take medication - I would sooner just do a phone call to voice mail then pop pills...... but what can we do now?  And now with the insurance stuff-  soon there will be no pills and then I dont know what we will do........
We will be a royal mess!!!!
And no adult part wants to come out........sometimes I dont want to come out....... Kalisa is regressing back to just a four year old state with no regard to the rest of the world...........there is just no help out there for us.......
We are more then just alone......... we are forgotten.........deserted........abandoned............

Sunday, January 10, 2010

Catch up Time !

Crystal here- we havent written for awhile- been really sick- been really cold here. Heaters I ordered FINALLY came!
Now we have some heat! Living in 60 degrees or below (inside) is for the birds! or should I say the polar bears!  Poor tortoises wouldnt even come out to eat- had to dig them out of their hide (a nice toasty 90 degrees) .
Well lets see- lots of art and clues - if we ever figure out what they go to - K has been busy dressing and redressing all her babies. Checked out the "baby" she wanted from Walmart- not worth the $20 bucks they were asking for it- piece of junk!  Told her if she can wait - we will get her her very own baby Gracie.  All she asked -" how many days-es  does  eyes  habes  toos  waits?"  Guess I will hear that alot till she gets the doll.
Only me and K have been out lately - no other parts around- guess they are all staying in where it is warm. (hahaha)
Been nice - no bad mans around - only 2 drive bys right after he "dropped  obers  deadeds!" (as K says)
Maybe our life is in for a big change!  That would be sooooo  nice!
All the worlds we are finding out about and some of the "people" that go to the worlds.
How do you ever remember all that information?  Makes  my head hurt some nights just thinking about it!
Would be nice to have someone to talk to about some of the things- to get the thinking on the right track.
But the dear sweet gov. screwed "us" over- again!  Medical- might as well say now that the "new year" rolled in - "we" might as well say we dont have any!
Will hvae to find some "free" programs to go on for pills now- cant afford the "great" new change!!! hahahah - Guess no one else is laughing about it either!  No wonder Elizabeth decided to "retire"!  I would too.  I am only 16 and never had to deal with this stuff - glad I never had to all these years!  I think I would have retired long ago!  Wonder if there is an alter iside here that would like this job? (dont hear any one speaking up!)
Well I will let the "thoughts" flow and see what kind of art comes through!