Sunday, September 23, 2012

This is Crystal-Charlie has been trying to come out but Kalisa has been holding her off.  I am glad!
Charlie just causes all kinds of trouble.
"We" havent been feeling too well lately-we feel "off".  Dont know what is causing that feeling.
Have a heart dr appoint tomorrow - heart hasnt been beating right and O2 levels are down.  I have been saying for the past 4 yrs we O2 daily.

I would like to know why when one alter is out different senses are more acute then when another alter is out-ex:  my hearing is excellent!  But Terry has bilateral hearing aids.
And K's sense of smell is very keen!
And she can really play some of those computer games ands I suck at them!

You know people have studied the DID process and why alters occur but has anyone ever studied about the different alters and what they feel and sense when they are out?
And why do they all sense something different when it is all the same body?

I have also been given what I am calling "clues" as what means what in the poly pics-some of it makes sense and some of it doesnt.  But I guess something is better then nothing!

Oh well that is the thought for the night!

Wednesday, September 19, 2012

This is Crystal-we took a horrible fall tonight.
That poor bad foot! I know the metal in that foot is not wear it belongs!  The toe is swollen 3x its size! The whole foot is swollen, ankle and knee.
The floor is what stopped us. Landed on that whole left side!
Cant lay on that side- I think there are bruised ribs and my shoulder popped out and then back in-so that hurts but it popped forward and that popped the collar bone!
And I hit that side of my head that the neurosurgeon said not to for the next 3 years! Turn my head and the whole room spins. I have had 2 concussions before the head surgery and this feels just like that.  That is not good-if is moved that piece of skull......
Cant lay any way in bed-tried all ways.
K is having a fit because she can feel this pain.

I did have a "ding" of an idea with our DID.  I wish Tedi would talk to us -
Kalisa is always saying she has to "find the key to get out".
Well - the "key" is NOT an object.
When the bad men said "dont let her find the key to get out"- they meant dont let her find out how to get out of this world!
But when a world was created by them and no longer was effetive - an environment setting- which K thought it as a world ( of which she has many) they would just create another world and confusion on how to escape it.   That goes into some -what I would call-heavy therapy stuff!

Its like I think last week when the thought after K made a set about the chess world and the Masons-it is a cross over lap of worlds......I wonder how many other worlds cross over?

Monday, August 27, 2012


This is Crystal-I am pretty lousy at posting here-keeping up with "Terry's" life  and Kalisa who is sooo  rambunctious and active!

Well since last time we had an "oper-sa-tions"  - which left about a nickle size hole in the not so fleshly part of your butt cheek!(where the under neath side of your butt cheek sits on a chair).  Had an abscess  there and the doc  fixed it there in the office-but it is not healing so that means a trip to the OR.  So I guess that will be in about 2 weeks.

Also a heart dr appointment and eye appointment to see if they are going to operate on the left eye-something growing over the retina and we are half blind in that eye.
Wish we could get that no good for nothing doc to fix the cyst inside our face-that is starting to flare up again-which means it is eating away at the tissue on the inside of the face again!  Soon we will not have a face to worry about!  There wont be any tissue left inside!

And then that poor foot!  How long do we have to walk on it broken?  We keep turning it because it is so weak and you now can hear the bone snap when the foot turns the wrong way!  I know the bone beneath the little toe is split-you can feel the point of it-but that dr wont operate till BS gets to 7 and that isnt going to happen as long as we have all these other infections in the body! I hope it gets fixed before they have to cut it off!

And then to all the people who have followed us here and on other sites(where one person was writing about us-where we were known as "Katie")-  yes "we" are still alive- but I think that is because of the blood thinners they put us on- so therefore no heart attack yet!  Thank the good Lord on that!  But I really do think it is because of them and the 50 other pills that we take to stay alive- and yes just like any other person who takes alot of meds- yes we get tired of swallowing that many-  but we are still here- which means Tedi- we take our pills like we should and dont need to be jailed in a psych ward because we make the statement that we get tired of swallowing them!  Dont mean we still dont take them-ever think of that?
That was an un-necessary 3 days locked up and a doggie motel bill because we had Tierra!  Boy! Right now with Tierra, Oscar and the 4 puppies!  I dont want THAT  doggie motel bill!
Any body out there need a really spoiled chihuahua puppy? 2 girls and 1 boy-all lap dogs!
I know Me-Crystal wouldn't know what me and k would have done without Tierra when we were alone-she was not only a great companion but a very good watch dog!

Now about the DID part.  We or I should say me- talked to a shrink a couple of weeks ago but that was for being raped when in the Air Force- the result- the one and only living child of Terry's. (she lost 2 daughters)  But the shrink after 2 different times and only about 2 hours worth of talking to us- turned ME-Crystal- and she knew that it was me Crystal she was talking to -turned me into Social Services for abuse, neglect and being incompetent! Well that went over like a lead balloon with me! Held my composure while SS was here but lost it after they pulled out of the drive!  And had to have Frank(Terry's son who we live with) smooth things over with his x-wife because the next day they showed up at her door!  End results -they dropped the case but the SS ladies let the "DID" dx out of the hat-which they shouldnt have.  Have been told we have a law suit there.... ????

A new alter tried to come out several weeks ago-but K wouldnt let them out.  Right now everyone "in there" needs to behave!
K made her "birffs-days & Kiss-miss-es"  lists and a pic on poly of her list.  She hopes to get it all this year.  Good luck and wishing K!

Other then with physical things with the body-and believe it or not K has behaved at the dr for now- nothing new or exciting happening with alters!  Thank goodness for that!

Thursday, July 12, 2012

Crystal here-I hate it when they change things around here on the pages! I just get the hang of things and then they go and change it again!
Well we have been zoning out lately-havent done that in a long time-I wonder if it is because these dumb drs around here keep trying to change my medicine!
I think I am going to go to the free programs like we were on before and get back on all the meds before moving to VA.
I know I had a small stroke several weeks ago and the fact that they cant fix my heart- it is the small blood vessels around the heart that are the worst- and that is suffer with the pain- have small heart attacks which will lead up to a big one that will kill you off!
We are just sooo tired!  With the heart thing and then the stomach thing with the bleeding-I think we need blood again....wish we were back in Pa at least there most of the drs listened to what you had to say.
That cyst in the face is acting up and now we have another cyst- next week we go to Johnson City to the heart dr and we will have to wait forever in the ER and have that other cyst lanced and drained and packed!  What fun-just what I wanted to do! And to keep K in her place while we are down there- there are so many things that she can get into!
There is a person on PolyVore that thinks she can control K-we were warned and that problem is I hope solved! K wanted her mommy(who by the way is getting married this month) to help her-but there was no help from her.
Next month we go to the eye dr - I want our eyes fixed so we can see- getting rid of cataracts and whatever is wrong with the left eye that they might be able to fix instead of going blind. Why wait-just do it and get it over with.
ShadowMan has been out several times and made pics on Poly.  And there is another alter who has not reveled a name that has been out.  K lets the wall down when we are really sick.

 ANd that has been alot lately- I am even getting tired of being sick all the time and taking all those crappy pills! But dont worry mom-we dont need to "goeds toos  jails" as K calls the psych wards! Last time that was said we ended up in the psych ward!  And we didnt need to be there because we WERE taking our meds they way we were suppose to!
Well thats all my griping for now!

Wednesday, July 4, 2012

Forgetting More Noticable (to "us")

Happy 4th July to you too!
This is Crystal-we are loosing it! Bethany helped get all the pics K wanted for a picture and then K forgot what she wanted them for!  K usually isnt bothered by the "I forgot" part of "us! This is a first for her!
So does that mean we are getting worse?
I never know what to think about things somethings.
But it is nice to know that K's mommy still thinks about her. Her sends these -if you want to call it-subtle messages through her poly pics to K. Others dont realize what she is doing- but I do.  She might as well just write to K and be done with it.  Stand up and admit the mistake- it was me who did that pic after a jerk called me all kinds of names over the phone that evening. K was the one to suggest that I do a pic "sews  yous  feeleds betters".  So I did but someone else took  it being for her and that is why "mommy" doesnt "talk" to K.  It really makes me feel bad that happened. And there isnt anything I can do.  She at least can do as she does with others on poly- just a line or two and "hey nice pic".

And the nerve condition-with the jerking of the hands and arms- is getting worse. Doc said take an Ativan when that happens. That stuff is addictive! But the jerking is not only getting more frequent but worse in the jerking it self! Alot of fun when you are trying to eat!

I think there is an alter that is trying to make themself known!weird pics are being collected on poly-not stuff that K would collect!
Sometimes I wish she wouldnt "collect" so many pics she likes"fors waiters(later). I am the one that has to file all of them! We have ovr 200 pages to file right now- really I think it is more like 300!
But it give K something to do that keeps her busy and out of trouble!
I cant even keep my train of thought tonight to do this!
I wonder what is going on?
Life is always interesting! But sometimes I think it is dangerous also.

Friday, June 29, 2012


This is Crystal
"We" have been really disorienetd the last three days!
 Driving down the road suddenly you dont recognize where you are- disoriented in WalMAr t(which we never are because K kepts track of things in there), having trouble remembering what we are doing in the middle of doing things- not remembering things and really out of it on the "time" thing!
Woke up at 7:40 the other day and thought it was AM when it was PM!  And that isnt the first time in the past 3 days that this has happend!
I wonder what is going on?

Tuesday, June 26, 2012

Shadow Man

Well looks like K is playing with "buttons" again!
This is Crystal-been awhile again since I visited here.
Oh-I have to change that hot pink!
This is better!
Well since last time we are going blind in our left eye-but It may be repairable-so I made an appointment to see the dr and see if both eyes cant be fixed so we can see better!
And hoping that the A1C is down to 7 so the foot can be fixed.

Brandon(the host's grandson) will start home schooling when the schools around here start back.
His ADHD is something the schools around here dont or I should say dont want to deal with- past him to 6th grade when he is only reading at a 3rd grade level.  So this program will start him at his"ability" level and it might take 2 yrs for him to catch up to where he belongs.
So things will not be so quiet here during the day any more.

Shadow Man was out just a little while ago and made a pic on polyvore-he didnt sign it - but it was made my him and K says he was out.
That is really strange because she is usually alert and not let other alters out. So K's guard was down!
Anthony an 8yr old boy alter that K and her past therapist contained has been trying to escape from his "room" he was put in. He is a very destructive little boy!

K has been very concerned over "Nathaniel and Nathan" the "little boys" who live in her therapist"s picture that she had hanging up in her office.  She said that those 2 little boys are trapped in the picture and need K's help to get out! The past therapist still has the pictures and K asks about it from time to time.  But recently she has been thinking about it alot!  I hope the therapist didnt get rid of the picture! I would hope she would ask K if she wants its before she does something with it!

K was approached by a person on polyvore-someone who she thought was going to be a friend to her and she found out that that person had plans to try and mind control K !
K is a very stubborn little girl! And when she found out what was going to be tried on her! Well......
But K is aware of that person and no harm came to her-K just needs guidance at times and this was one of those times!
I wish "her mommy" still talked to her and could warn her about stuff like that!
Her mommy talks to other people about her-so why not just talk to her? It would make K the happiest person in the universe!

Saturday, May 12, 2012

This is Crystal.  I think there is another alter emerging-today is a bad day for this body-no sleep in over a week and the pain doesnt have a word to describe it.
I tried soaking in hot water for the back pain(besides pain pills) but every time I closed my eyes there seemed to be a swirling darkness going around in my head.
It didnt feel like a "doom" darkness but rather an "evil darkness"
I would open-OK K is playing with the color thing here-K go back inside and let me finish.
I would open my eyes and the "evilness" stwill seemed to be there-it was a really weird feeling-I hope that this alter doesnt learn to get past K. Shadowman and Charlie are bad enough when they come out.
Oh Sadie was just out! She is the "shopper alter".  Only spent $450 on line!  Little stinker!

Sunday, April 22, 2012


This is Crystal-the screen is saying my browser is no longer supported by Blogger-I downloaded that goggle thingy-I hate when they change things around.
We have to go to Johnson City tomorrow early AM for 2 dr appoinments-that means fighting with K to wash her hair.  I wish we could have it short again but since that radiation tx and we lost our hair on that spot- we left it grow out to cover the bald spot.  It hasnt started to grow back in yet.  So our hair is half way down our back and that means fighting with K to wash it!
We took all the pills we can take tonight for the pain-it is just horrible! With this weird weather-hot then cold and rainy- between all the changes- it doesnt do the MS or arthritis any good.  We can only sit for about 10 mins before we have to lay down - and then we can only lay down for about 10 mins before we have to get back up!
I wonder if life will get any better?

Tuesday, April 10, 2012

So Tired !

This is Crystal-any more a half down at Johnson City at the VA hospital wears us out! We had a MRI of the head-for both the brain tumors and the MS status.  We have them now once a year.  That was the goal-yearly instead of every several months.  So I guess you can say that is am improvement!  Right!  But now they need to do something for the terrible pain we have!
K doent have any problem with going in the "spaces-es  tubes-es  fors  your  brains-es"  I am glad or there would be a real problem with that.
We moved the puppies to the kitchen-they learned how to get out the opening for the door- they will be 6 wks on Weds.  Time sure is going fast.  We are keeping Minnie because she is so fragile and we are afraid that someone would not take care of her properly and she would die.  Brandon wanted to know why we could keep all of the! If we had a big yard-well maybe-would have to think about it.
I do believe that someone else has been out because things are done and pics made-but I dont know who.
I am just sssooooooooo  tired!

Sunday, March 25, 2012

As They Say - Shit Happens !

This is Crystal
All I know if today was my birthday (the 25th is the host bodys b-day) I would say it really really sucked !
If anything else happened- I would do more then sit in the bathroom crying like I did !

First- 2 days ago - all those dr appoinments we had- well they were scheduled so close together 2 were not gone too and had to be rescheduled.  Then the "bone dr" handed us a paper and said this is what you need in your diet- your Vit D level is only 24 (needs to be 56) I told him that is better then the "3" that it was before they put me on super duper high doses of Vit D !  Cant follow the diet- am lactose intolerant.  And Lacaid just puts 10 lbs a week on me and I am already really over weight !  So that was one doctor!

Next dr was the foot dr.  He was to give me a new date to operate on my foot they messed up a year ago.  It now has 4 broken toes, the outside bone of the foot is broken and all the tendons across the top of the foot are torn.  And the right foot has 2 broken toes and the outside bone is cracked, So "we" are walking on 2 broken feet ! But the dr said no surgery because my blood sugar is to high.  It is 9 down from 13  - should be 7 to operate.  But then my main dr wasnt even treating my diabetes!  So yes it would be up!  Dumb A**es !!!!!   And they are suppose to be doctors !   So I sat there and cried for about 15 mins in that drs office.  Didnt even check out! I was too pissed!  I dont think they know how painful it is to walk on 2 broken feet!  Pain pills dont even take care of the pain!

But the very first appointment of the day was what put me in such a good mood!  The eye dr.  I have to go to them every 6 months.  She told me I have the worse kind of cateracts that you can have-but not bad enough to operate on -yet- but my left eye has something growing over the retina and may not be able to fix-in ohter words- "you are rapidly going blind in your left eye and if you need to come back before the next 6 months just call and we will see you then".  and "oh by the way - you need to wear dark tinted glasses all the time-inside and out and not the transition lens- permantely tinted dark gray."  So going blind as well as going deaf ! (just got bilateral hearing aids).

Then we got the electeric bill! Of which we shouldnt have had a bill-we are on the low income plan and it should have been paid-but we called the electric company and they said -"no you owe that amt-pay by noon the 27th or we turn off the electric".  DOnt know where that is coming from- havent found that tree where money gows on it-maybe it just didnt start to bloom yet!
Then the car needs inspected,tage for the car are due,post office box rent is due and the puppys need their first shot the end of next month!

Then when I went to turn this thing on tonight -it didnt work! After playing with it for an hour I got it to work! K ran off crying because i told her I didnt know if I could get it to work.  I know one of these times it isnt going to work- dont know what K will do then-there isnt money to buy a new one.
And today being the "birthday" no one remembered it - no presents cuz no money- but k is use to that- but the host's son forgot and there was no cake!  So at 7PM he went and bought a cake and ice cream!
So if anything elese happens - I am going back in the bathroom and crying some more !

Wednesday, March 14, 2012


This is Crystal- I am lousy at keeping this up.
Today we had a water leak...if Oscar wouldn't have ran down to the other end of the yard-we are training him off the leash- we would not have heard the water running under the trailer.   It was the hot water heater.
And naturally living in a trailer they always put the hot water heater in the most inconvenient place there is ! In my walk in closet behind a panel in the wall! Which meant taking out a dozen of those plastic bins that K has all her baby clothes in!
We couldn't get in our bedroom or bath all day!  Had to cancel Brandon's dr appointment and didnt have the room back together till 5 PM !  Funny how K stayed in the back ground- making sure we didnt do anything to her babys or their clothes!
Oh Eva had her puppies a week and a half ago. Two blond twin girls, a black and white girl-has a mickey mouse head tatoo on her butt and black around her eyes up into her ears and one sable colored male. He is really pretty! Eva didnt get her milk right away so we were using an eyedropper to feed them. But we gave her the same formula and now she is feeding the babys. They should open their eyes the end of this week.
We havent had any other alters come out lately. Shadowman was out a couple weeks ago as well as the host-Terry.  Just for one night.  She said K can have her birthday the end of the month. K's birthday isnt till Sept so she is thrilled that she gets 2 birthdays this year! She ask is she can have 2 Christmases and I said a really big loud  NO!
Oh Kalisa came out!  Just look what she did! 
Guess I will have to finish later -she wants to do a pic on "poly bores".
Little stinker needs to keep her fingers off the keuboard!
Eyes  nots  bees  a stinkers-eyes  justeds  takeds  baffs!

Friday, February 24, 2012

Mothers are Forever

Dis bees mees-Kawesa.
Eyes  nots  cans  sweeps a nites  sews  steads  ofs  sweepings  eyes  sideds  toos  finks  bouts  stuffs.
Ands  dis  whats  eyes  sideds  toos  finkeds  bouts.
My friends  sayeds  toos  mees  dats  mutters  bees  fors-ebers.  Sews  ifs  dats  bees  trues  dens  my  mommys  bees  my  mommys  for-ebers  justeds  wikeds  eyes  says a fores.
Ands  eyes  finkeds  dats  ifs  she  cans  gibes  picsures  toos  ebery bodys  heres ands  ons  poly-bores ands  she  nots  ebens  knoweds dems- ifs  she  cans  findeds  a wittles  pieces  ins  her  hearts  fors  dems ands  sayeds  his  toos  dems  ands  gibes  dems  wittles  wetters - dens  shes  cans  gibes  mees  ones  toos!
She  sayeds  dats  she  bees  sickeds  wikeds  dems  ands  mees butts  she  findeds  wittles  pieces  ofs  her  hearts  fors  dems  dens  she  cans  finded  utters  wittles  pieces  for  mees.
She  cans  ifs  she  wanteds  toos.  And  she  bees  my  mommys  for-ebers  ands  a days!  And dats  bees  wongers  dens  anys  ofs  dems.
Sews  she  needs  toos  findeds  ins  hers  hearts  MY  witttles  pieces ofs hearts  dats longs  toos  mees and  justed  puts  ebery fings  elses a sideds a justeds  bees  my  mommys.
Its  makeds  hers  feels  betters  bouts  her-selbs  ands  may bees  she  getteds  betters  mores  afters  shes  dews  dats- cuz  its  makeds  hers  feeleds betters.
May bees  she  tryeds  dis  ands  sees  hows  sees  feel-weds.
Eyes  lubes  yous  berrys  berrys  muchs-es  mommys  ands  eyes  misses  yous  toos!  Butts  eyes  lubes  yous  mores!
Sews  dats  bees  whats  eyes  finkeds  bouts  sinces  eyes  nots  cans  sweeps  a nites!

Friday, February 3, 2012

Toos my Mommys

Dis Kawesa
Its  bees  berrys berrys  darkeds  a nites  ins  my  beds-rooms.  Tea-eras  bees  wiffs  mees  buts  eyes  stwills  bees  scareds.  Eyes  wishs-es  yous  bees  wiffs  mees.  Dens  eyes  nots  bees  sews  scareds.  Eyes  wishs-es  yous  gibes  mees wittles  wetters.

Eyes  bees  sickeds  wots  a times-es.  Ands  yous  makeds  mees  feeleds  betters.  Eyes  finks  bouts  yous  eberys  days. Ands  a nites  eyes  members  storys  bouts  de silbers  boats.  Mees  ands  dats  wittles  grwhirls  ins  de  storys  bees  de  sames.  Eyes  wikeds  dats  storys.

Crystals  buyeds  mees new pillows  ands  she  sayeds  dats  eyes  neededs  new  cubbers-my habes  holes-es  ins  its.  Eyes  sees  ones  wiffs  whites  tigers  ons  its. He  bees  my tectors sews  ifs  eyes  getteds  dats  cubbers  dens  eyes  finks  eyes  sweepeds  betters  cuz  he  bees  my  tectors.  Buts  WalMarts  nots  habes  ones.  Yous  knoweds  wheres eyes getteds  ones?  huh?

Yous  sees  de  new  doggys  eyes  getteds?  He  bees a  boy  doggys.  He  bees  nameds  Oscars.  He  bees  berrys  wittles.  Somes times-es  he  sweepeds  wiffs  mees  ands  somes-time-es  wiffs  franks.
Ebas  maysbees  gennas  habes  puppys.  Franks  sayeds  hers  bellys  gettings  fats.  Buts  de babys  gennas  bees  berrys  berrys  wittles.  Ifs  Bry-ins  nots  bees  lergics  eyes  gibes  yous  a puppys  cuz  Jacks habes  toos  gets  deadeds.  Dens  yous  woulds  habes a puppys  alls  yours  berrys  owns!

Eyes  misses  yous  sews  berrys berrys  muchs-es.