Saturday, July 31, 2010


Kalisa is very sad...and a new split of her ..Katie has made her presence known. She likes to destroy things!
Kalisa has done very well with the new drs. Not good news for the foot. Possible surgery and in a cast for up to 3 months!
Kalisa has taken over again-most of the time...her diet is ice cream and candy!
She would be so happy if only that one person would just say hi to her.
There will not be therapy because of having to do a 2 hr drive to go to a therapist.
Our therapy will be only polyvore and maybe reading some books.
Open to any reading suggestions from anyone - any good books that will help us !
Here we thought we would get a new therapist...
it is really disappointing not getting one,

Thursday, July 29, 2010

Betrayed !

We just signed in on here and found out that our therapist who said she retired is now starting to see clients!
Kalisa feels so hurt and betrayed!
We still DO NOT have a therapist and will not be seeing one because we would have to drive 80 miles one way !
Not feasible! And in the winter wouldnt be able to make it there most of the time because of the weather !
She could at least talk to her once in awhile (here on the computer-just a note with Hi in it or comment on her pics once in awhile)- or at least let her call her phone and hear her voice even if she couldnt leave a message.
All of this is so unfair !
Not a good state of mind to be in before a surgery.
She just doesnt know how much this would help K - help her state of mind, depression that she is in - and just K's whole state of being !
Why wont she consider this? To understand this might help K heal.....
What do we do ?
She knows she is the only one that can help K..........

Sunday, July 25, 2010

Weekend rain

So what else is new!  Always rains on the weekend! Poor K never seems to get a break on the weekend!
She did a real nice hairdo awhile ago!
She wont go and get a hair cut since all the head surgery - says  "dey pulls  my heads-es  whens  dey cuts  its" - so she refuses to get it cut.  So therefore it is the longest it has been in many years!
But it is hot on the neck and she must have been bothered by it so she took some large hair clips and just clipped it all over-up off the neck!  Some hairdo!  But then it was a 4 yr old style!  Good thing she cant make rubber bands work in the hair!  Hate to see what that would look like if she could.

Well there wont be a therapist - thought we would get one - but would have to drive TWO  hrs to see one.
That is not practical.  So back to no therapist.  So we will be DID forever!
Terry peeked out the other day.
Brandon-her 9 yr old grandson has Aspergers syndrome. An ADHD.  He has such a hard time in school. (school starts here in 3 wks)   And Evan her 4 yr old grandson is showing signs of both.
How does the saying go ? God doesnt give you more then you can handle?
But when does it ever stop?

When do we get help that we need?
How are we to help them when we need help and support that we dont get?
We lost alot of support when we got cut off the adult survivor site - miss talking with some of the people
on there.  Wish we could still be a part of the group.  It was nice belonging to a group that understands you.
Still is unfair that one single person is allowed to judge you and decide for a whole group that they can do that to you.  The people that are still faithful to us also found it unfair.
She did to us what the rest of society does to us every day.

Well it stop raining - K wants out..........

Sunday, July 11, 2010

No Sleeping

With this back pain there is no sleeping... too painful to lay on the side we always sleep on and cant fall asleep on the other side.
Causing shoulder pain, neck pain and more head pain.
K is even feeling that pain..she usually doest feel the body pain but she does this time.
They are making a back brace - wonder how long it will take and how long we will have to wear it-having a count of 4 in vit D and cant take calcium because of kidney stones - it will take forever to heal !
Like the broken foot - still not healed and only getting worse !
This body is just giving out !
Guess maybe it will give out before the mind !  Maybe not - who knows - this pain may win !

Saturday, July 10, 2010

New Doctor

This is Crystal.
We went to the VA hospital in Tennessee Thursday.  That is where we have to go now- there is a doc here closer but we had to go there for meds.  We were soon out of those 50 some pills we take daily to stay alive.  ( humph.. but what for?).
We couldnt get an appointment here till the end of next month so we were told to go to the ER at the VA to get prescriptions fills.  That was an all day affair !

Kalisa was good-took in EVERY thing !  I dont think she missed one fly on the wall !
It was a very long day - with the 2 fractures in our back  it was an extremely painful, long day !

The ER doc was a civilian - was really nice and helpful.  Kalisa scrutinized him carefully ! But she stayed in !

Tonight we had a really bad rain storm - again !  And there is also that same trigger - the cigarette smoke at the bedroom window!
I had wished that this was a thing of the past and not have to worry about it here !  But no such luck !
The only thing here - there are 2 more dogs in the house and they all bark when someone is around outside (Annie - a welsh corgi and Eva - a chihuahua and then there is Tierra a 6 lb poodle).
So when all 3 get to barking - you know the person outside hears them and leaves !
But I wish they would just let Kalisa alone.

Thursday, July 8, 2010

Been bothering me......

This is Crystal- since the day in April when we moved ... something has been bothering me - maybe if I tell about it it wont bother me so much.
I remember packing up the car and it was around 2 AM that morning ( a bad time for us because the preps where usually around that time of the AM )  but after getting into the car I do not remember the next 10 hours - even though we ended up in Norton, VA ( the next town over from Wise maybe 10 miles over) but going the wrong way - out of town - so we called Frank and told him we where lost.  He got us turned around and we found our way to "our new house".
I dont remember stopping for gas- which we would have twice and stopping to potty the dog - which would have been when we stopped for gas.  Also the drive only takes 8 hrs  not 10 hrs !!!!
Also it seemed as though the car seat had been moved back!  So that would mean someone else drove my car!
So how did I get the 8 hrs down the road?
Who got me there?  How did I get there-here?
That is what is bothering me.....
What happened to me ?  Those 2 extra hours?
Did the perps know I was leaving and get Kalisa and have a "last 2 hrs " with her?
Do they know where I am now?
There are times when there is the smell of cigarette smoke outside my bedroom window since we moved here-that is a trigger for her...I dont think she has gone out......but then......
And the rain storms here are fiercee ones- harder and more lightening and thunder....they are really really bad!
Another trigger for Kalisa... but at least there are not any train whistles!
I wonder what happened ????

Monday, July 5, 2010

Explain this to me -

Cause and effect - everyone knows about that one...
Synchronicity - well everyone experiences it ...but are not always aware if they are not a sensitive person..
Empathy - well not everyone has that experience of feeling what others do at the same time.....

But what I want to know is this...
A person with DID usually is a very sensitive person to their surroundings....but are alot of DID people empathic?
Like Kalisa?  Her and that "siber fred" (silver thread)  that connects her to her new mommy ....the way she has the same pains and hurts on the same days.......
Or is it connected by a different way? Not empathy but connected with that silver thread and sometimes are as one?
Kalisa can astal project ......
Are DID people more apt to have some kind of psychic whatever?
Oh- this is Crystal asking.
I was just wondering about this...
Can anyone answer this for me?

Hi !

Dis bees  Kawesa !  Beff-knees (Bethany)  doing the numbers fors  me. (letters)
Eyes  putted  all  my  gwhrils  babies  ins  der   berry  puritys  dresses!  Deys  all lookeds  boo-fuls!
Jonthin(Jonathan)  nots  bees  in  de wrights  clothes-es  cuz  his  clothes-es  bees  in  de  biggeds  closets  and  eyes  nots  can  getteds  toos  dems  wrights  now.  Maybees  a morrows  eyes  cans  getteds  toos dems.
Eyes  finks  dats  eyes  bees  gettings  a nutters  new  babies.  Eyes  hopeds  dats  its  bees  de ones  eyes  lubs  de  mosteds!

Crystals  bees  wheels  nices  toos  mees.  She  helpeds  putteds  alll our stuffs aways and it  bees  wheres  eyes  cans  finds  its.
No bodys  calleds  on  de wittle  phonses  sinces  we  mobeds  here.
Tierras(Tierra - the 6 lb poodle)  maded  friends  wiff  Ebas (Eva)  de wittle  doggie that Ebans (Evan)  has.

Eyes  not  makeds  no friends  here.  De all bees  means  kids  round  here.  Deys  beateds  ups  Brandons  de utter days  when he bees  widing (riding) his bikes.  Sews  eyes  nots  habes  no  friends  here  toos  pways  wiffs.  No bodys  toos  talkeds  toos  knee-vers.
Sews  eyes  justs  makeds  picsures  on  polys  bores.

Friday, July 2, 2010

My Turns-es !!!

It bees  my  turns-es  heres  ons  de wittle  tb  fings !
Eyes  habes  toos  shares  my wittles  tb  fings   now  wiffs  ebery bodys  elses.  Sometimes-es  eyes  nots  getteds  a turns-es.  Dats  nots  bees  fairs !

Eyes  nots  bees  habings  a  berry  goodeds  nites  wiffs  my  games-es.  (big sigh)
Eyes  finks  its  bees  cuz  der  bees  fire  cackers  outsideds.  Eyes  fings  may bees  its  bees  cuz  dey  (the firecrackers)  bees  makings  sews  muchs-es  noises  dats  dey  de-stir-bits   mees  finkings  bouts  my  games-es  and dats  bees  whys  eyes  nots  dews  sews  goodeds.

Maybees  eyes  just  goes  and  makeds  some picsures.