Monday, December 29, 2008

Never-Ending Story ?

Kalisa's before "Kiss-miss" pictures.
They cant even let her alone
before the holidays.
This one at the bottom has
a drawing she added-she said that they picked her up and were going to throw her in a hole in the ground that they dug and that there was a "bigs boxes downs ins de dirts dats deys gennas frows mees ins."

This body cant take much more - the meds for the MS are not working any more - been to the hospital every day for the past week -

The heart is going to have to be redone - that is if it can be redone- fine that out next week -

Kalisa hasnt even opened her "Kiss-miss"presents. They are just sitting there collecting dust. Some nights she is so scared -

Scared of what might happen if those creeps show up and then scared also because of this heart just flipping and flopping all around in the chest. Afraid to go to sleep because she may not wake up. She calls on her "wittle phonses" to the only person she trusts. It gives her some comfort - some nights it doesnt any more. And that even scares me! She is really what keeps this body going but there just isnt the energy there any more.

She lets her"energy field" down some -I guess because of the medical state that the body is in - she was talking to a little bunny the other day- and it was really sad - she knows she is dying - that this body is dying - I guess she gets some "crossover" from Anastasia- our inner wisdom part - she was telling the bunny that is was o-tays (OK) to be sad and that it was o-tays to crys because that is all a part of life and death. And that "ebery-bodys" has to "cepts" (except) that as part of life. Even if it makes your "bestest" friend sad and feel like crying.

Then she told the bunny she wished that her "wittle phoneses" friend would feels betters so she would come and talk to her before she dies. She cried then and hugged the bunny. She told the bunny between snobs that would make her so happy. But how do I tell a 4 yr old that that most likely wont happen? How can I crush her last ray of hope ? I cant do it - I just cant do it. That is her only last thread of hope here on this earth and if I tell her that will never happen - we are all dead. She will give up totally and die. She wont have anything to care about.

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