Tuesday, December 2, 2008

Signs of Perps

I thought we had been safe the last few days. I didnt think Kalisa was out.
But by the feeling of the body - the perps had her and I think were quite rough.

I had to cancel my yearly physical with the dr. I couldnt go after this sexual assault. I am hurting way too bad. I dont know if she (my dr) really believes me on DID and what is presently going on.
I know that my use to be therapist knows - I wish she would relay that bit of info so I know how to handle my dr's reaction to me and my DID and present perp activity.

I took dog out Sunday night around midnight - there actually was a patrol car sitting in the parking lot across the street from where I potty the dog. I dont know if it was a "safe" cop or a "perp" cop. But I was up all night and nothing happened.

Two nights ago while I was on the computer - which sits right under the window of a side porch - around 2 AM there was someone outside the window-
panting quite loudly! I wasnt imagining it because the dog heard it also and started to growl. I think that is only the 2nd time I have every heard the dog growl!

I dont know if that is a trigger - they cant see in that window - it has an AC unit in it so there is a piece of ply wood above the AC unit that is as tall as me and then mini blinds and a curtain! So it probably was a trigger - but it didnt work!
Not that time anyways!

They (the perps) have so many ways to get Kalisa out. And being only 4 yrs old - the toys, ice cream and candy do work. Or saying that they are going to kill the dog or a friend is also a trigger. But I dont know how to undo the triggers.
Kalisa is so very vulnerable to them! She is so innocent!

Kalisa would like to tell about this past episode of perp activity - I do not type for her - another little does - for the sake of the readers she will not put it in"Kalisa language" - her 4 yr old version.

" The baddeds men gets me. They takeds me too the little cabin. When we getteds there they called me baddeds names and hit me with their hands on the butt after they madeds me takeds offs my clothes. There is a little bed madeds on the floors. There be stapes on the little beds. They takeds the straps and putteds them rounds my feets and hands like this. (she was strapped at the ankles and wrists-all corners of the mattress)
Then they did that special pee on my belly (they masturbated on her stomach)

Then one of the bigger boys putteds his penis in me. He madeds me getteds hurted down there. He pusheds and pusheds really hards. He madeds me crys and then he called me a cry baby.

Then he getted ups and say that he genna puts my feets in the fires. He pulled me over by the fires and picked ups my feets and held them close to the fires.

I screamed. Then the other boy putteds his hands over my mouth so I could not scream. Eyes bees sews scareds (I be so scared) There be no bodies to helps me. I be all alones.

The the big baddeds mans comeds in the cabins and he sees whats the baddeds boys are doing. He hollered at them and they throw my down on the floors. He tells them to leave and they all leave.

The baddes mans tells me to get in the sprinklers (shower). I getteds in the sprinklers. Then he grabbeds mees out of the sprinklers and putteds me on the little beds and he putteds his penis in me. It hurts really really baddeds. But I trieds really hardeds nots to crys - if you crys then you getteds hitteds with the belts. I nots wants to getteds hitteds with the belts.
Then he telleds me to getteds dressed. I putteds my clothes on and then he telleds me to getteds in the cars and he takeds me to my houses.

I getteds outs the cars and goes in my houses. I called my friend cuz I wants to goeds to her new houses cuz it be safest there but she not talkeds to mees
She be saddeds. Maybees a morrows she talkeds toos mees.
Then I goeds to beds buts I nots goeds to sleeps. The baddeds mans might come back so I have to stay awake."

That is her description of the latest perp attack- those are her words and her drawings of what happened to her. In the one pic - it is the first where she use magazine pics and drew on the pic as well. Interesting. What what a therapist would have to say about that. Guess I will never know.

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