Some early back ground history of this host body.
I, Elizabeth, am NOT then host. She went "into hiding" over two years ago and an adult had to take over and it just happened to be "my job".
I learned through therapy all alters have a specific job just for them.
Such as Charlie is the "I want to die" alter and Kalisa is the 4 yr old alter who took and still takes the physical abuse (mostly rape from the perps) - I am the adult alter who's job is to take over when the host of this body DIDed out and an adult was needed. But I know most of her story up till the age of 4 when Kalisa came into being.
That is what I am going to post here - the beginning of the end
She was born in March, the 2nd daughter. A boy was wanted - not a girl.
Her father extremely disappointed. She was not really neglected as an infant but not really given love so there was no real bonding with her parents or sister who was almost 2 year older. The sister was a blue-eyed blond, a little princess.
She was born with a head full of coal black hair and brown eyes.
Her mother always said she looked like a little monkey when she was born. It was not repeated time and time again in a silly little way but in a very serious descriptive way. Her mother didnt want any more children but her father wanted a boy - but wah-lah!!! There she was! Not wanted by her parents or her sister who was jealous of her.
When I find some baby pics I will put them on here. There is one where she is 9 months old sitting in a high chair with both arms bandaged-from the hands to the elbows. Her mother told her that she was learning to pull herself up (should have been doing that before that age) and she grabbed ahold of a hot water pipe-burned her hands. If she burned the palms of her hands - why then is so much of her arms bandaged? Lied to her even after she was an adult about this. To this day she still doesnt know what really happened.
Oh they feed, bathed and put her down on the floor to learn to crawl and walk by herself. No yeas when she learned any of those baby achievements. She was just there.
Then a year and a half later - she was forgotten. Just there. The boy her parents - or should I say her father wanted - was born. So now they had their little blue-eye blond and their boy. And really forgotten when the 2nd boy came along a year later. And then there was last but not least - the baby of the family- another blond but no blue eyes girl.
The older sister was jealous of her. When she was 3 the older sister put her in a doll cradle and pushed her down a flight of stairs in the cradle - at the bottom of the stairs there was a closed door. She went through the door. It was a hollow door. I dont know if she was hurt from that - but she did get her first whipping from her father. He didnt use his belt on her - that started around 5 yrs old. He just would pull down her pants and smack her butt so hard with his hand that I am sure the neighbors heard her little yells and cries through the walls of the house! He said the broken door was her fault - so she was the one to be punished for it. And that continued till she moved out of the house at the age of 18. Everything was always her fault. And her father would not listen to her-he even said he didnt what to hear any excuses from her- it was her fault and she did it!
By the age of 4, she was responsible for watching her brothers and sister. And nothing better happen to those 2 boys! Her little sister wasnt born till she was almost 6 yrs old and had started school. And after the little sister was born and old enough to toddle along - all she heard from her mother was "she's the baby, let her go with you " or "she's the baby, let her play with you". And if she didnt- her father would hear about it and out would come the belt!
By the age of 4, Kalisa appeared. She is the 4 yr old alter that appeared and that then took the sexual abuse and still is today.
The perps back then must have recruited younger boys and taught them what to do to trigger her and this has been going on for 50 years. The therapist thinks they use Kalisa as a "teaching tool" to teach the younger boys what and how to trigger her. And still do the same today.
Kalisa did not "come out" for the first 6 months of therapy. She did not reveal what was being done to her for about another 3 months. Then she drew pictures. When ask by the therapist what the pictures where - that is when the true story of her beginning unfolded.
Here is one of her very first pictures. It is a picture of a man "baddeds manses"
(remember Kalisa has a habit of making everything pleural) at the top of a staircase.
Kalisa said that a badman would take her down in the "darkeds" (basement) and sometimes there would be a "little beds" or a mattress and he would "play games" with her. And she told the therapist she didnt like those games.
Or sometimes he would take her to a shed or they would go some place in the car.
Sometimes she would draw pictures that had more then one "baddeds menses" (men) in it . When ask by the therapist who they were -Kalisa would tell her they were all bad men. And they all did the same thing to her. She would say they made her play that game she didnt like.
Yes at the age of 4 - they started to gang rape her.
Back then she was tired to the edge of a work bench while they
raped her, staked to the ground and rape her (they still do that today) and anything else they could think of.
And try and tell her parents! Right !!!!!! Like they would listen to her. It was a seen and not be heard household- most of all for her.
She learned real fast if she knew it was something bad and she would get punished for it - dont say anything. Keep it to yourself or you would get "the belt"! And the belt was mainly used on her - the 2 boys never were hit with the belt and her little sister. She only remembers one time her older sister was hit with the belt and the sister was 16 yrs old at that time. So this poor little girl , 2nd born, responsible for 3 siblings at the age of 4, was really the only child that"the belt" was used on by her father.
And he must have gotten it from some where. Maybe the perp- the perp would use a belt on her if she didnt do as she was told.
Kalisa's one drawing is nothing but a belt on the page.
After Kalisa opened up to the therapist she told the therapist that the baddeds mans would also tell her ( and Kalisa would shake her finger when she said this)
"Nos crwyings, yous nots awouds toos makes nos noises" . That is in Kalisa language - translated is - "No crying, you are not allowed to make any noise". That is what he would say to her as he raped her.
Well I am tired- so that is all for now.
Well Thanksgiving was no different then any other day.
Well Thanksgiving was no different then any other day.
I am sooooo tired of this. Sometimes I think I would just be better if they just did her in and then this would be over with. I am loosing my will power and I think most of hers is gone.
I am sooooo tired of this. Sometimes I think I would just be better if they just did her in and then this would be over with. I am loosing my will power and I think most of hers is gone.
